Tag Archives: tattooing

Because Barack would be bangin’ with a butterfly tramp stamp!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Although the president’s daughters are a little too young to get inked, Barack Obama is laying down the law when it comes to tattoos.  As he told the Today show, “What we’ve said to the girls is, ‘If you guys ever decided you’re going to get a tattoo, then mommy and me will get the exact same tattoo in the same place. And we’ll go on YouTube and show it off as a family tattoo,’” Obama said.  Can you say most-viewed YouTube video ever!?

As The Telegraph points out, with tattoos on “36 percent of 18 to 25 year-olds in the United States, the president appears to have grown concerned that his daughters, Malia 14, and Sasha, 11, may follow the growing trend. By contrast, just 11 per cent of the Obamas’ 50-64 age group admit to having a tattoo. ”  Funny, I could’ve sworn sailors made up a larger percentage of the population in those days…

Mind you, Obama becoming the first tattooed president could appeal to a certain number of his constituents—aside from his kids.  And besides, there are other trendy ways for him to embarrass the First Children of the United States.  The Today Show reports that “Obama also confirmed rumors of going Gangnam Style during his second inauguration,” although the president told the NBC program “Fortunately, we destroyed all the tapes.”  That said, I’m sure the Secret Service are simply saving them till Sasha’s wedding day… ;)

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Maaaaan, this new season of Inkmaster’s pretty intense!

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I first got into Inkmaster, Spike’s reality tattoo competition show, about halfway through last season.  As someone who has tattoos, the premise of this program appeals to me much more than, say, Occupation Double.  Every week, a diverse group of artists competes in a specific tattoo challenge, judged by Dave Navarro and a pair of seasoned pros, with the weakest ink sending one competitor packing at episode’s end.  An advantage is gained for the weekly competition by winning the “flash challenge,” a test of artistic skills that doesn’t always involve needles–the winner gets to pick who they’re tattooing for the big showdown.

But this year, they’ve added a twist.  Not only does the winner get to pick who they wanna ink up, he now gets to assign each “skin” to an artist.  This has created a lot more drama and animosity between competitors than we saw in Season One, which is always good for ratings.  Let’s face it, TV–and especially reality TV–thrives on drama.  After all, no one really cared about Jersey Shore until Snooki got punched in the face.  And the winner of the last two flash challenges, an ex-con who goes by Kay Kutta, is all about stirring the shit.  You wouldn’t think that a variation on “cutter” would make for a great tattoo handle, and the guy’s clearly not the best artist of the bunch, but he sure talks him some smack.  And as the holder of the cards, he’s assigned some of the more skilled competitors some designs that were pretty whack.  Hey, I know I’m a fat fuck, but I’d never even dream of getting a back-piece of a city made entirely out of bacon!  (Betcha that guy’s going to be on the next season of Tattoo Nightmares, Spike’s new cover-up tattoo show, haha…)

This season’s cast is full of interesting characters from the Marine to the midget, the young gun (from Buffalo, no less!) to the cocky bastard who probably has a penis piece.  That said, I’m not sure I see a clear-cut winner, or even a decisive final four, in the bunch as of yet.  Speaking of genital modification, however, next week’s episode is set to feature a woman who wants to get a phoenix shooting out of her vagina.  Now that’s must-see TV, right there!

As it turns out, the Russians were a couple millennia ahead of us when it comes to tattoos. Whodathunkit?

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Russian archaeologists recently uncovered the remains of a 2,500-year-old warrior princess with some pretty sweet ink, according to the Toronto Sun.  “The well-preserved mummy, known as the Ukok princess, was found by a scientist in the permafrost of the Altai Mountains near the border of Russia and China in 1993 with tattoos on her arms, shoulders and hands,” the Sun reports, adding that her tattoos look “incredibly modern.”  The 25-hundred-year-old Russian beauty is now set to be displayed in, get this, the Republican National Museum in Gorno-Altaisk, which, fortunately, is a good 5328.792 miles away from Medicine Hat, Alberta.  Cuz the good folks of Medicine Hat don’t feel comfortable about people displaying tattoos in their city—particularly if they’re policemen.

As the CBC reports, Police Chief Andy McGrogan says “It’s not what I think, it’s what members of the community think,” citing a 2011 community survey that says mad Hatters are fearful of tattooed cops, or some such nonsense.  “At the end of the day, our community has spoken and we just changed our policy to reflect that.” And rather than leave it up to a commanding officer’s discretion as to what might be considered offensive, which is common practice in the nearby liberal bastion of Calgary, Chief McGrogan doesn’t want to take the chance that a Medicine Hatter rips their shirt over a constable’s family crest poking out from under his uniform.  Hey, I can see how it would be a little weird if a cop showed up with purple hair and Body Count lyrics tattooed on his forehead, but I don’t think a tribal armband on a burly police officer is anything to be afraid of—at least not in Medicine Hat, anyways.

According to the Calgary Herald, tattoo regulations can be quite different across the globe.  Apparently, applicants to the UK’s Metropolitan Police need to include pictures of their tats along with their application form, while The Big Apple takes a similar approach to The Hat, banning “visible tattoos, brands, body piercings and other art while in uniform.”  No ma’am, that NYPD officer does not have a Picasso in his pants—it’s against regulations.  But I think Calgary takes the most sensible approach.  The Herald quotes CPD policy, which states, “Tattoos deemed offensive, unprofessional, or ones that ‘undermine the dignity or authority of law enforcement’ must be covered up,” adding that the chief has the final say as to what’s acceptable.  Makes more sense than a ban across the board, if you ask me.

Hello Kitty sez… Do Not Resuscitate?

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Medical tattoos are on the rise, according to the Toronto Sun, although their effectiveness is currently up for debate.  An article published today in the Canadian Medical Association Journal concludes that “paramedics and emergency doctors might not notice the tattoos, let alone treat them as proper instructions.”

Not only are medical tattoos a fairly new phenomenon, but there’s no standard, documented procedure as to what they are supposed to look like.  According to the Sun, “A Google image search turns up designs with angel wings, snakes, butterflies, skulls, hearts and even Hello Kitty, on shoulders, backs, forearms and wrists.”  And even if someone has “Do Not Resuscitate” inked on their lower back, how is a paramedic to know that it’s a medical instruction and not just the name of their favourite Testament tune?

On that note, while I haven’t seen Hello Kitty saying DNR on anybody’s skin, there are at least a couple people who use the anime character to tell the word they have diabetes.  Case in point:

(The hearts on the i’s are an interesting touch…)

CONFESSIONS OF A FAT FUCK: Fat people are more susceptible to tattoo bruises!

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Like I said before, it had been a little while since I’d last been inked–up until last weekend.  In fact, it was probably about 30-40 pounds ago.  I coulda sworn the profane piece I was getting covered took up a lot less space back then, too.  I guess that’s just a fact of life, though…

Another fact of life: tattoo bruises.  It’s not something I’d experienced previously, but I’m told they’re commonly a result of a heavy-handed tattoo artist or getting inked in a sensitive area.  A man’s chest isn’t such a sensitive spot when you’ve got a muscular build, but me, I’m built more like Rob Ford.  And when I first took off the bandage, my black-and-grey tattoo had a purple outline that I didn’t think I asked for.  Of course, it wasn’t coloured ink, but a result of the force and pressure required to push down the skin and push the needle in.

I will say, it got a little worrisome when the skin around the outside turned a bright shade of yellow, but once I assured myself it’s just a bruise, not an infection, I was able to put it out of mind.  It’s all but faded now–the bruise, that is.  I’d like to think the Lubriderm might’ve helped in that regard.

(Still no pics, though.  Like I said–it’s a sensitive area!)

 

To Lube, or not to Lube? That is the question…

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So, I went and got a new tattoo yesterday.  It had been a little while since my last one, during which time all the killer artists at my friendly neighbourhood tattoo shop seem to have moved on to greener pastures.  I’m not a fan of some of these places on the flashy Queen St tattoo scene where they ink you up in the front window, so I ended up going to this newish place in Kensington that Blog TO rates very highly.  Twas only a short streetcar ride away from my place.

If you’ve been tattooed before, you know what it feels like, so I won’t go into explicit details, ‘cept to say that it was roughly a two-hour session–so I sat there and took it for a while.  My Pete Townsend/Jim Marshall homage piece turned out quite nicely, may post pics later when it heals.  Or not.  But anyways, I was caught off-guard after the deed was done, when the artist asked me if I knew how to take care of a new tattoo.

“Sure, Lubriderm three times a day for two weeks, no sun, soaking, etc,” I said, repeating the instructions off an old tattoo card from memory.  To which I was met with resounding disapproval, and told not to put any lotion on the skin.  When I pressed the issue, I was told that Lubriderm “only makes it worse.”  Huh?  I mean, I know that baby oils are to be avoided, but it seems strange that one place would recommend something to the point of putting its brand name on their business cards while another one is saying to avoid it like the plague.

Now, this second shop considers themselves to be old-school, specialists in American traditional tattoos, and I’m sure that the Marines at Pearl Harbor weren’t applying Lubriderm to their tats before shipping out to fight in World War II–so maybe their method of wash carefully, then hands off (whoa-oh!) does work, but unfortunately, I don’t have the time to shower thrice daily.  I can wash it in the morning, but what’s going to protect the healing patch of skin for the rest of the day?

On the other hand, Lubriderm offers 24-hour protection (it says so on the bottle), though I still put it on three times a day to be safe.  I did this for my earlier ink, which healed in a reasonable amount of time–and most importantly, didn’t get infected.  I’m not willing to risk infection using the “old-school” method, so I’ve decided to disregard my most recent advice and put the lotion on the skin.  Buffalo Bill would be pleased.

Still, I must say that I’m shocked by this vast discrepancy in tattoo care advice from two places that are only a couple kms apart.  It’s kinda like one doctor telling you to eat your vegetables, and another one saying that veggies cause cancer.  Mind you, I haven’t exactly had a pleasant experience with doctors in this city, either…