5 THINGS I’LL MISS IN MY BACKYARD: 2. Puck ‘n Wings/Burrito Bandidos

Posted by gruesomegreg on April 28, 2013

So, I’m making a big move on Tuesday–over three kilometres, in fact! (Okay fine, 3.1 km.) But while it isn’t a great physical distance, moving to my new apartment means I’ll no longer be in an Annex State of Mind. I have lived in The Annex for four years now, and have come to the realization that your average Annex resident is either under the age of 25 or over the age of 50. So I might not miss the people–or being the best-dressed guy on the block on Casual Friday, no less–but there are certainly a few things that I’ll regret not having within walking distance anymore. I’ll be counting off five of them over the next few days.

(I mean, you don’t actually expect me to walk three kilometres, do you!? That’s like a half-hour marathon–OK, more like 45 minutes for me…)

5. Lee’s Palace (and to a lesser extent, the Annex Wreckroom)

4. Bloor Cinema

3. Sonic Boom

2. Puck ‘n Wings/Burrito Bandidos

(Just when they had the perfect picture set up, a grumpy old lady walked right into their shot…)

It’s nearly impossible to pick between these two fine establishments, both within a rocket-armed QB’s throw from my soon-to-be-former apartment (which you can sorta see in the far-right corner of this photo). For my money’s worth, Puck ‘n Wings has the best buffalo wings north of Buffalo, and when it comes to chicken wings in this city, only the Crown and Dragon comes close. The place is also always almost-empty on Sunday afternoons, so they have no problem putting the Seahawks game on one of their flatscreen TVs for me. That said, I only caught a couple Hawks games at the Puck last year, as I was able to watch a lot of them at home. A winning record gets you a lot more televised broadcasts on Sportsnet–and it seems they even have a handful of prime-time contests this upcoming season. Let’s Go Hawks!!!!

Speaking of the Seahawks, I’ve developed a post-game ritual that incorporated the Mexican joint around the corner from the Puck (and also somewhat visible in this photo), Burrito Bandidos. See, I’ve made a habit of going for a victory meal after every Hawks win, and ever since the fish ‘n chips joint at Bloor and Albany became a poutinerie, said ritual involves the halibut burrito from Bandidos:

Now, I know there’s a burrito joint near my new digs on Dundas, but I’ve heard they don’t have hali. And when it comes to wings, St. Louis simply can’t pass the Puck. Looks like I need a new Sunday ritual–or a healthy supply of subway tokens, anyways.

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10 REASONS TO WATCH ME IN THE COMEDY BRAWL INSTEAD OF THE JAYS HOME OPENER: 4. I am in no way sponsored by, affiliated with or named after Rogers.

Posted by gruesomegreg on March 30, 2013

The Toronto Blue Jays home opener is just a couple days away, and Rogers Sportsnet is really kicking it into overdrive. Tonight they aired Game 6 of the ’93 Series, the famous “Touch ‘em all, Joe” game. Man, John Kruk sure had a badass mullet in those days! Sure, the Jays ought to be much-improved this season, but don’t bother trying to buy tickets for Opening Day–they sold out within the hour. And hey, there are 162 games in a Major League Baseball season, so whether or not they beat Cleveland next Tuesday is of very little consequence.

On the other hand, there is a completely consequential comedy competition occurring April 2nd that features yours truly. I’ll be part of a field of eight amateur stand-up artists vying for the princely sum of 30 dollars! OK, so that won’t buy you a pair of nosebleed seats at Rogers Centre, but it is three times what a typical comedian makes in a night. (Sadly, that’s no joke.) Anyhoo, the top four performers will advance to the next round of the Comedy Brawl, so I could really use your vote! In case you’re still on the fence as to whether you should watch baseball on TV or live stand-up comedy on the second of April, I’ll be giving you 10 reasons to choose the latter in the coming days.

Oh, and for more info about the April 2nd edition of the Comedy Brawl, click here.

10. I’m pretty sure I can throw straighter than R.A. Dickey.

9. There won’t be any anti-gay Spanish slurs on my eyeblack.

8. This won’t be anything like last time. I promise.

7. I don’t drink Booster Juice, so I’m not gonna put a baseball through your windshield.

6. I promise I won’t punch you in the face or put you in a headlock. Can John Gibbons guarantee that?

5. The Jays are playing against Cleveland. C’mon man, Cleveland!?

4. I am in no way sponsored by, affiliated with or named after Rogers.

Am I the only one whose Rogers bill was jacked up five bucks a month to account for the Jays increased payroll? Somehow, I don’t think so. It’s awfully hard to disassociate the Jays from Toronto’s (least-favourite) cable provider. Can’t get a ticket to watch the game at Rogers Centre? No worries, Rogers Sportsnet has you covered! Tune in on your Rogers Digital package or your Rogers smartphone while we give you a good Roger-Ing!

Hey, I may be a heartless Bay Street banker–but at least I don’t work for Rogers. That being said, I’m still working on my “Rogers customer service” routine. A couple more calls, and I should have enough material.

Comedy Brawl Gauntlet #6 Tuesday, April 2nd @ Crown and Tiger, College and Bathurst, 8 pm. $5.

And then there were eight… including Wichita State!

Posted by gruesomegreg on March 30, 2013

While there were some major upsets in the early rounds of the NCAA tournament, by the time you get to the regional finals, typically only the top seeds remain. Not necessarily the number ones, mind you; there is only one one-seed left in this year’s tournament. But every other surviving squad is seeded no higher than fourth–except for Wichita State.

The ninth-seeded Shockers have certainly lived up to their moniker with three impressive victories in the tournament. They’ve scored at least 72 points in each win, and sandwiched a six-point squeaker over top-ranked Gonzaga between two games where they held opponents under 60. Which is not to diminish the fact that they beat the top-ranked team in the country, making the Zags the first one-seed to fall. (Yeah, I don’t really wanna talk about it.)

Runners-up in the Missouri Valley Conference, WSU dropped two of its three meetings against Creighton, including the conference championship game. They also suffered back-to-back-to-back losses in MVC play against the likes of Indiana State, Northern Iowa and Southern Illinois. But aside from that stretch, they’ve beaten pretty much everybody they faced–except for those pesky Evansville Aces, who handed them two losses. So how did a mid-major also-ran get to be amongst the big dogs?

De-fense! *clap clap* De-fense! *clap clap* Aside from an ugly 91-79 loss to their main conference rivals, a 94-79 shootout win over Detroit and two other high-scoring conference games, Wichita State has held just about every opponent under 70, their defensive masterpiece being a 73-39 win over Bradley in which they held the Braves to just 32-per-cent shooting. Their impregnable fortress has held up during the tourney, with no foe hitting more than 36 per cent of its shots. In fact, Pitt, Gonzaga and La Salle all shot between 35.2 and 35.7 per cent from the field against WSU. Now that’s defensive consistency!

That said, the Shockers’ Great Wall of Bricks could be severely tested by the second-seeded Ohio State Buckeyes, who average 70 points per game on 46.5-per-cent shooting. If Wichita State has earned a reputation as the defensive wizards of the tournament, Ohio State has become known for its escape artistry, hitting three-pointers in the dying seconds to pull off two narrow victories. And while they’ve consistently scored in the 70s during the tourney, OSU is also no stranger to the low-scoring, hard-fought contest. Their win over Wisconsin in the Big 10 final was a 50-43 stinker in which both teams shot below 20 per cent from the three-point line. And yet, the Buckeyes still prevailed.

That being said, I think a tightly-defended contest works in the nine-seed’s favour. Wichita State has shown the ability to heat up from behind the arc, with nobodies like Fred Van Vleet lighting up rainbows late in games. But I’m not sure they can out-muscle one of the top teams from the uber-physical Big 10, so I don’t envision a final score in the 50s. This one could come down to another near buzzer-beater–in which case, advantage Buckeyes. Hey, they’ve already been there, done that, twice. Ohio State 72, Wichita State 69.

Here’s who I like for the rest of the weekend…

Saturday, 4:30 pm: Marquette over Syracuse – Speaking of escape acts, Marquette also survived two early scares in the tournament. Forget winning by three at the buzzer, the Golden Eagles beat Davidson and Butler by three points combined before rolling over a sluggish Miami squad (that I had going all the way to the final) in the Sweet 16. With the Orange knocking off top-seeded Indiana on Thursday, it sets up a Big East battle for the Final Four, which means these two teams have faced each other already. In fact, that game also went down to the wire, with Marquette winning 74-71. It was Syracuse who barely beat the buzzer with a three-pointer, but that only cut the deficit to two, and after a made free-throw, they simply didn’t have enough time left to get a shot off. But hey, it’s not like Marquette hasn’t benefited from some late-game mistakes by its tournament opponents, either. Not only have they been there, done that in the tourney–they’ve also done it against the Cuse, so I gotta give the edge to the Eagles.

Sunday, 2:20 pm: Michigan over Florida – This was the only Elite Eight matchup that I successfully predicted in my bracket–and it just barely held up. I actually moved up one spot in my pool (to 23rd place) by picking Michigan over Kansas, but it took one heck of a comeback to get that one right. The aptly-named Trey Burke had a Kelly Olynyk-like performance, stuffing the score sheet in the second half after going scoreless in the first. And man, did the kid from Columbus hit some deep 3s! Not only was it the most impressive comeback of the tourney, but one of the most exciting games as well. And knocking off Kansas really adds to the Wolverines’ resume. On the other hand, the Gators have had a relatively easy route to the Elite Eight, knocking off a 14, an 11 and a 15-seed. Their last tough test came in the SEC final–where they lost to Ole Miss. They might have ended FGCU’s run, but you still gotta figure Michigan has all the momentum heading into this one, and I like UM to advance.

Sunday, 5:05 pm: Louisville over Duke – Alas, the Midwest was the only region where the top two teams made it to the final. In fact, there were very few upsets on that side of the bracket, aside from Oregon’s (somewhat) unexpected run to the Sweet 16. As it stands, the winner of this one ought to be considered the Final Four favourite, although there won’t be any easy outs from here on in. While I had Duke losing to MSU in my bracket, I still like Louisville here. Oregon offered a bit of a test last night, but the Cardinals still led from start to finish. Could Duke still pull off the slight upset? I suppose so, but they’ve been rather unimpressive thus far against opposition that’s played poorly. Let’s see how they handle the Louisville press.

The round of 32: Gonzaga’s worst nightmare!

Posted by gruesomegreg on March 24, 2013

Call it the Calgary curse: From 1989 to 2004, the Calgary Flames couldn’t win a playoff series. Of course, they went all the way to the finals in ’04, and won the Cup in ’89–but they hadn’t won a single seven-game series in the interim–and they haven’t won another playoff series since. (They haven’t made the playoffs in the past three seasons, but don’t even get me started…) Likewise, the Gonzaga men’s basketball team, which captivated Calgarians (via our US network affiliates in Spokane) during their magical run to the Elite Eight in ’99, has faced a similar roadblock. After back-to-back Sweet 16s in the two years following their grand entrance on the national stage, they’ve only made it past the first weekend of the tournament twice, in ’06 and ’09. In fact, March Madness 2013 marks the fourth straight year that Gonzaga has lost in the second round. Ouch!

Of course, things were supposed to be different this year. In tourneys past, the Zags found themselves seeded somewhere between 7th and 10th, pitting them against a tough opponent (Syracuse, BYU, Ohio State) in the round of 32. But after a couple big blowout losses, they turned a corner in 2012, taking the second-seeded Buckeyes down to the wire. I actually had GU in my Sweet 16 last year, though it was not to be. But that’s nothing compared to this season, when I actually picked the Zags to go all the way–and I wasn’t the only one, either.

Despite the disappointing finish, Gonzaga still had a magical run this year, capturing the number-one ranking before storming through the WCC tournament in Las ZAGas. With the addition of Kelly Olynyk to a solid frontcourt, it was starting to seem like they’d found the missing piece to finally lead them to their first Final Four. But despite his 26 points and nine rebounds, KO only shot 8-22 (.364) from the field, a far cry from his season’s average of 63 per cent. And when Wichita State started hitting everything from behind the arc late in the second half, the Zags abandoned the inside game altogether–but they just couldn’t match the Shockers’ shocking 50 per cent pace from downtown.

Full credit to Wichita State. They earned that win. I could make excuses about Gonzaga missing FGs early and FTs late, or about Gary Bell, the Bulldogs’ best perimeter defender, missing most of the second half with a sprained ankle–but the fact of the matter is that WSU shot their way back into that game, with everyone from power forward Cleanthony Henry to reserve guard Fred Van Fleet making more than they missed from behind the arc. In fact, if you subtract Malcolm Armstead, their top backcourt scorer’s 1-6 performance, the rest of the team shot 60 per cent from 3. Now that’s how you shoot yourself into the Sweet 16!

Unfortunately for Gonzaga, if they’re to break on through next season, it might hafta be as a nine-seed. The Zags will most likely be looking at an entirely new frontcourt next year, with seniors Mike Hart and Elias Harris graduating and redshirt junior Kelly Olynyk–who’s already graduated–projected to be a first-round NBA pick. (Let’s just say I’ll be monitoring his Twitter feed.) They might even be forced to employ a three-guard lineup of Stockton, Pangos and Bell for significant stretches. But hey, a starting five of Pangos, Bell, Barham, Downer and Karnowski could still win the WCC next season, what with St. Mary’s and BYU also losing some key players. Whether or not they advance past the first weekend, I still expect the Zags’ 15-year tournament streak to be extended in 2014.

…

Suffice to say my bracket’s been busted and I’m staring at another 25th-place finish in my office pool, but I’m going to continue with my tournament picks, just for the metal health of it.

12:15 pm: Iowa State over Ohio State – I actually had Notre Dame winning this second-round matchup, but the Cyclones dispatched them so thoroughly that I might as well throw my weight behind ISU. Ohio State barely survived a second-round scare against an Olynyk-less Gonzaga team last year, and while they haven’t lost to a unranked team all season–neither had Gonzaga until the Thrifty Thirty-Two. Not to mention that OSU’s the only top-five seed remaining in the Wild Wild West region, and I’d kinda like to see La Salle in the Final Four.

2:45 pm: Indiana over Temple – While I do think a second number-one will fall today, I don’t expect it to be the Hoosiers, who are one of the top five teams in the country. Temple barely squeaked past the Wolfpack in the second round, very nearly coughing up a sizable lead. They can’t afford such a meltdown against Zeller, Oladipo and company–or this one won’t even be close.

5:15 pm: North Carolina over Kansas – I may have picked KU (over Villanova) in my bracket, but I really think the Jayhawks are vulnerable here. After barely squeaking past a 16-seed, they now face a formidable foe in the third round–the venerable North Carolina Tarheels. UNC is 14th in the country in points and rebounds, and third (out of 300+ programs) in assists. Considering Kansas’s propensity to shit the bed in the tournament, I think the Heels can pull off the upset. (Hey, I had the Hawks losing to Michigan in the Sweet 16, anyways.)

6:10 pm: Florida over Minnesota – According to famed stats guru Nate Silver, Florida has the best statistical probability of winning the South region. Then again, he also gave Gonzaga a narrow edge over OSU in the West. But nevertheless, the SEC regular-season champs are a pretty strong team. Any doubts that might have crept in after losing the conference tourney to Ole Miss were quickly dispatched with a dominant performance in the first round. Meanwhile, the Gophers certainly surprised some with a 20-point win over sixth-seeded UCLA, and they have a knack for knocking off top teams (including Memphis, Michigan State, Illinois, Wisconsin and top-ranked-at-the-time Indiana), but I don’t think they have the offensive firepower (just one player averages over 11 ppg) to upset Florida.

7:10 pm: Florida Gulf Coast over San Diego State – A 15-seed in the Sweet 16!? Hey, it could happen. Knocking off Georgetown gives FGCU a relatively easy second-round matchup against an SDSU squad that finished fourth in the Mountain West, a conference with no remaining teams in the tourney. As a matter of fact, the second-round win wasn’t Gulf Coast’s only big upset this season. They also held Miami to 51 points in a 12-point victory way back in November. Hey, I’d take Miami or Georgetown over San Diego State any day–and by extension, I like the A-Sun champs in this one.

7:40 pm: Ole Miss over La Salle – Now I said I’d like to see La Salle in the Final Four, but that doesn’t mean I’m picking them to get there. However, the winner of this 12 vs 13 matchup will at least advance to the Sweet 16, where the Wichita State Zag-Shockers await. The A-10 also-rans (fifth in their conference) had one heckuva first half against Kansas State, scoring 44 points, but instead of keeping up their 88-point pace, they managed just 19 in the second half to narrowly pull off the upset. On the other hand, the Rebels came on strong in the second, outscoring Wisconsin by 14 to win by 11. The SEC tournament champs are in the top 20 nationwide in both points and rebounds, and were pretty much the only second-round upset pick that actually came through to me. In theory, they’re the favourites here, but I still like ‘em in the third. Ole Miss-Wichita State oughtta be a real barn-burner!

8:40 pm: Miami over Illinois – That Illinois-Colorado second-round matchup was a real ugly game. The Illni’s streaky three-point shooters went ice-cold in the second half, and were it not for an equally inept Colorado performance (both teams shot less than 35 per cent from the floor), the seven-seed would’ve been run out of the building. Enter the Hurricanes, who laid a 29-point lickin’ on Pacific in Round Two. I’ve got the Canes in my championship game, so bye-bye Illini!

9:40 pm: Duke over Creighton – This game could certainly be closer than you think. (Then again, I thought Cincinnati would be here.) The Missouri Valley champs, soon to join the Big East, earned a hard-fought win over the Bearcats on Friday, but this is still a mid-major program that lost to Boise State, Wichita State and Saint Mary’s–not to mention Illinois State, Indiana State and Northern Iowa. And while Duke is almost as bad as Kansas when it comes to losing early-round games in which they’re heavily favoured, I still think they’ll survive this one–only to lose to MSU in the Sweet 16.

10 REASONS TO SEE MY STANDUP SHOW THIS SUNDAY: 6. There are no major sporting events occurring at this date and time. Don’t you need a reason to drink beer?

Posted by gruesomegreg on February 26, 2013

In case you didn’t know, I’m doing a standup show at Absolute Comedy on Sunday, March 3rd at 3 pm (more info here). I’m new to this whole live comedy thing, but I’ve been taking classes at Second City, and I reckon I’m getting ‘er rather good. In case the everyday humorous content on my blog doesn’t convince you that my five-minute act is worth your five dollars, I’ll be giving you 10 more reasons to see my show over the next 10 days. Here’s another one…

10. My act’s got more balls than Lance Armstrong, more legs than Oscar Pistorius, more hair than Rob Halford!

9. Absolute Comedy is conveniently located near Eglinton Station for your TTCing pleasure

8. The menu at Absolute doesn’t contain confusing Italian words like “pasta,” “calamari” or “bottiglia.”

7. Rob Ford gives it a “Respect for Taxpayers” and a “Stop the Gravy Train!”

6. There are no major sporting events occurring at this date and time. Don’t you need a reason to drink beer?

March Madness is not for a couple weeks, and the Super Bowl already happened, man. In fact, the only televised sporting events airing Sunday, March 3rd at 3 pm are PGA Tour Golf, ACC Basketball and the Federal Liberal Leadership Debate. Hey, if you like to get sloshed in your basement watching Trudeau and Garneau go at it, well… you’re even worse than I am! Besides, they’re only competing to be the leader of the second opposition party in the House of Commons, right?

Meanwhile, Absolute Comedy offers a varied selection of draught and bottled beer, including Steamwhistle, Keiths, Keiths Red, Stella, Heineken, Corona, MGD, Canadian, Budweiser and real man’s beer–Coors Light! In case you run out of it at home, that is.

Amateur Sunday Afternoon @ Absolute Comedy, 2335 Yonge St, Sunday, March 3rd. $5. Doors @ 2:30, show starts @ 3 pm.

Well, so much for that winning streak…

Posted by gruesomegreg on February 11, 2013

As previously stated, I’ve made a point of paying less attention to the Flames this season. Sure, the fact that they’re tied for last in the West right now (a four-way tie, mind you) might have something to do with it–but unless they did the unthinkable and made the playoffs, I was not going to be scrambling to get back on the bandwagon, anyhoo.

That said, what with the team traveling to the Eastern Timezone last week, I was able to tune in for their games against Detroit and Columbus at a reasonable hour. And I’ll be damned if they didn’t look pretty decent in the D, dropping Detroit 4-1 before coming back for an OT winner in Columbus. But just when things were starting to turn the corner…

DOWN GOES MIIKKAAAA!!!

Hey, so the guy’s 36, and his lack of activity during the lockout likely didn’t help–he was off to a pretty shaky start to begin with. But if the Flames were even in the playoff hunt these past few seasons, it was largely due to King Kipper standing on his crown on a nightly basis. Without him, they’ll feel like they have been hit by a fuck. I mean, Leland Irving has not looked like an NHL-caliber goalie these past couple games, although you can’t really blame him for the loss in Vancouver. The Flames didn’t much look like an NHL-caliber team in that one.

Soooo, now they’re hosting Minnesota with the hopes that a win will put them within one point of the 11th-place Wild. Incidentally, Minny is one of two teams without a road win thus far this season–the other being the Washington Capitals, the only team in the league with fewer points than Calgary. Then again, the Flames are a less-than-scintillating 1-3-1 at home…

Hmm, it’s not too soon for them to Stop Winnin’ for MacKinnon, is it?

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Ain’t that a kick in the balls, boy!

Posted by gruesomegreg on January 24, 2013

From: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2013/jan/24/eden-hazard-exemplary-disciplinary-record

One of the biggest stories in Britain right now is that of Eden Hazard, a 22-year-old Chelsea midfielder, who kicked a time-wasting ballboy five years his junior during a disappointing draw against Swansea City yesterday. It seems the Belgian star was simply trying to dislodge the ball from beneath the boy’s sternum, but he nevertheless received a red card and a three-match suspension for his antics. As for the kid, well, I hope he got a swift kick in the ass…

Knowing nothing about international soccer, I couldn’t confirm whether the above incident was true, but if so, that’s pretty weak sauce. Under such circumstances, I probably woulda pulled a Jon Cornish.

GUILTY PLEASURES: Daily Buffalo Bills Buzz

Posted by gruesomegreg on November 5, 2012

I must say that I’m not really a Bills fan. Sure, I’ve accepted the fact that their games will always be shown on TV in Toronto (when they’re not blacked out in Buffalo, that is), but I usually spend the 1 o’clock slate flipping between the 3-4 games on digital cable–unless Seattle’s playing an East Coast opponent, of course. That said, I saw enough of the Bills-Texans game yesterday to know that Buffalo fans didn’t have too much to celebrate.

Now, since I bought the Bills in Toronto Series four-game ticket pack back in ’07, I receive various emails from the team, including the Daily Buffalo Bills Buzz newsletter. I suppose I could always unsubscribe, but hey, it helps me keep tabs on the team I cheer for once a year when they play at Rogers Centre–although this year will be different, for obvious reasons. Alas, while the articles are mildly informative, and off-the-field reporter Hannah Buehler is smokin’ hot, in a girl-next-door kinda way, what keeps me coming back for more are the comments from disgruntled Bills fans on every writeup.

Now, I suppose I can see the source of their frustration. This is a franchise that hasn’t made the playoffs since ’99, when they benched the best CFL player of all-time for some bum named Rob Johnson–who, to his credit, put up some pretty big numbers against somebody’s third-string defense in Week 17–and proceeded to lose on a trick-play kick-return in the dying seconds. In a way, they’re kinda like the Toronto Maple Leafs of the NFL; y’know, if the Leafs had actually made it to the Stanley Cup final and lost in ’93–as well as ’91, ’92 and ’94. Okay, maybe a (slightly) more realistic scenario would be if the Seattle Seahawks had gotten screwed not just in Super Bowl 40, but Super Bowls 41, 42 and 43 as well–then proceeded to miss the playoffs for the entire following decade. Ouch!

While I can’t quite say I feel their pain, there’s no denying that Bills fans are pretty fed up with their franchise. These are actual comments posted on the Bills Buzz following the loss to Houston. And yes, these people are all (supposedly) Buffalo Bills fans…

Naturally, you’re bound to get criticism of the head coach…

(Holy run-on sentence, Batman!)

…as well as a hearty helping of vitriol (along with some not-so-creative nicknames) bestowed upon the starting quarterback:

Even when the rare positive comment appears, it’s quickly met with a snide remark:

Meanwhile, you also get much putative purchasing of billboards and extensive Christmas wishlists:

(Hey, I always wondered what happened to Big Shot Bob!!!)

Alas, it seems there must not be any decent furniture stores in Buffalo (or Jacksonville, for that matter), because “ALL OUR COUCHES SUCK”

Again, the following is coming from a Bills fan. At least, he must be, cuz it says here he’s a Top Commenter:

Another common theme: this is not a real NFL team (or some variation thereof)…

I gotta say, the switch to Facebook commenting before the start of this season has added a whole ‘nother level to these comments. For instance, the believer that the rapture is coming before the Bills turn things around seems so much more credible once you see it’s a guy with a bandana and a porn stache who lists his profession as “MAFIA WARS.” On the other hand, this comment is kinda scary, considering the poster’s profession:

(Aaaaand that’s why you don’t put your kids in public schools!)

This guy plays the “us commenters know better than the coaches” card, paired with “these guys make too much money, and I’d do better if you paid me!” Uh, Go Fish?

Meanwhile, the ghost of this guy’s grandmother could beat the Bills DBs!

(And yes, there are 30 more comments where that came from!)

I think this one pretty much sums it up:

(The Bills aren’t just bad, they’re Major League II bad!)

Mind you, this week’s collection of comments seems pretty tame compared to a couple weeks back, when they blew that game against the Titans. There were definitely a few fightin’ words exchanged afterwards, to put it mildly!

CFL POWER RANKINGS: Week 17

Posted by gruesomegreg on October 21, 2012

What a great slate of games yesterday! After Montreal and Saskatchewan went down to the wire in the wind at Mosaic Place, the city of Calgary said, “I see your wind, Regina, and I’ll raise you… snow!” In a fierce blizzard that didn’t let up for four quarters, the Stamps were just able to squeak out a 34-32 win over Henry Burris and the Ti-Cats, and it’s probably safe to say the conditions played a part in that dropped hold on the last-second field-goal attempt. Friday’s action was less intense, with high-scoring efforts from B.C. and Winnipeg, of all teams, who picked a funny time to put up their biggest offensive outburst of the season. Technically, the Bombers and Ti-Cats are still alive in the East, although another win by Toronto or Edmonton would seal the deal. But let’s not take things for granted, here. The Argos travel to Regina next week, while the Esks have games remaining against Montreal and Calgary. It could very well come down to Week 19, when Toronto hosts Hamilton–provided that the Tabbies beat the Bombers next weekend. Should make for a couple interesting weeks of (mediocre) football, that’s for sure!

Preseason Predictions

Week 17 Power Rankings:

1. B.C. Lions (12-4) Last Week: 1. One team that’s sitting pretty in the clubhouse is the B.C. Lions. Even if they were to lose their last two games, they’d still finish first, by virtue of beating the Stamps twice this season. Mind you, they do travel to Calgary on Friday to face the Stamps a third time in what is likely a Western Final preview–though they might not be starting Travis Lulay for the occasion. Mind you, if this week’s win was any indication, they don’t necessarily need him. Backup Mike Reilly threw for 276 yards and two TDs in beating Edmonton 39-19, so it seems they’re still in good hands. Wally Buono sure has a way in discovering quarterbacks, doesn’t he?

2. Calgary Stampeders (10-6) Last Week: 2. I gotta say, it’s pretty close between Calgary and Montreal in these rankings. Both teams are 10-6 on the season, 6-2 at home, and have five wins in their division (Montreal has played one more divisional game and has posted one more loss). They even split the season series back in July. But for me, the deciding factor has to be points for and against. The Stamps have scored 464, second only to Hamilton, while allowing 382, for a differential of +62. On the other hand, while Montreal has put up 440 points, just one fewer than the B.C. Lions, they’ve given up a whopping 445, for a -5 differential. Something to keep in mind for the playoffs, perhaps? Speaking of the postseason, the Stamps have a big confidence-booster on Friday versus B.C. If they go 0-3 against the Lions in the regular season, a trip to the Grey Cup suddenly seems a lot less likely…

3. Montreal Alouettes (10-6) Last Week: 3. Saskatchewan kicker Sandro DeAngelis (allegedly) said it best to the Als’ Jamel Richardson in pre-game warmups yesterday. If the CFL West is the SEC, the East Division is the MAC. But in keeping with that analogy, Kent State just went down to Georgia and beat the Dawgs, as Montreal pulled off a 34-28 win in the Regina wind yesterday. The Als should, in all likelihood, advance to another Grey Cup game, but keep in mind that they’re only 5-4 against the CFL’s junior circuit, and could possibly be ripe for an upset. Let’s just say I don’t see ‘em resting their starters against Edmonton next Sunday. For my money’s worth, that’s an Eastern Final preview, right there!

4. Saskatchewan Roughriders (8-8) Last Week: 4. Sure, Saskatchewan is slipping, posting back-to-back losses against Edmonton and Montreal. But with Edmonton, Toronto and Hamilton all losing this week, the Riders don’t drop in these rankings, seeing as they’ve become the fourth team to clinch a playoff spot. Even if they lose their last two games, the Riders will still have enough wins to cross over into the East. That’s right, kids. It only takes 8 wins to make the playoffs in the East. The Ottawa Rough Riders could very well win the division in 2014–I mean, Calvillo has to have retired by then, right? Right?

5. Edmonton Eskimos (7-9) Last Week: 5. The Eskies are the only road team to win at BC Place this season, but they couldn’t repeat the feat on Friday. Kerry Joseph might as well change the name on the back of his jersey to ShitSandwich after going 6-for-24 in that game. Hell, youngster Matt Nichols completed just two fewer passes than Joseph–and he only had five attempts! While Edmonton remains one win away from the playoffs, they’d better hope that either Montreal or Calgary, who have nothing to play for at this point, bench some of their starters, as Hamilton could very well nudge them out of third place (in the East) otherwise.

6. Winnipeg Blue Bombers (5-11) Last Week: 7. Full credit to the Bombers for putting up 44 points on the road the other night. As a result, they’re the only team that moves up in the standings, as well as these rankings. With the win, Winnipeg still has an outside shot at the postseason, but they’ll need their third straight road win to get there. In any case, someone’s playoff dreams will die in Hamilton next week. The Bombers have already beaten the Tabbies twice, though those were two home games. Should they get the win, they’ll have a home date against Montreal’s backups in Week 19–but they’d still hafta hope the vanquished Tigers play spoiler to Toronto, and the second-place Stamps don’t take it easy on Edmonton. If only Buck Pierce had been healthier sooner, eh?

7. Hamilton Tiger-Cats (5-11) Last Week: 8. I hate to say it, but my hat’s off to Henry. In his return to McMahon Stadium, Smilin’ Hank thoroughly outduelled Kevin Glenn, tossing 70 more yards–and two fewer picks. But his team still came up short in the snow, in a game that they really needed to win. I still think Hamilton has the inside track for second in the East, but should the Argos pull off an unlikely upset in Saskatchewan next week, their Week 19 meeting at Rogers Centre will be rendered meaningless. Even to get there, Hamilton will hafta do something it hasn’t done all year and beat the Blue Bombers. Andy Fantuz better work on his holding!

8. Toronto Argonauts (7-9) Last Week: 6. How does a team in line for a home playoff date drop three straight home games by a total of 50 points? Sure, they can be excused for not having Ricky Ray in the first two, but Ray wasn’t the one who gave up 44 points to Winnipeg, a team Toronto held to just 10–on the road, no less–in Week 14. Right now, this Argos team is playing with about as much fire as a wilted match. And sure, they could seal the deal by beating Hamilton on November 1st, but they’ll hafta put up a few points to do so. The Ti-Cats have scored at least 30 in their three meetings, despite two losses, while the Argos only average 23 points per game. Is it too late to hire a hypnotist who can convince Ricky he’s playing against Calgary?

It’s a Thursday night showdown with first place on the line… Where’s Bocephus when you need him?

Posted by gruesomegreg on October 18, 2012

The insanity of this Seahawks season continues, what with that crazy last-minute comeback to beat New England last week. The Seattle team that would lay down against top competition IN the past couple years (2010 Wild Card notwithstanding) now boasts wins over Dallas, Green Bay and New England–all at home, mind you. The flipside is that their only road win thus far has come against the lowly Carolina Panthers, while they’re also 0-2 against the NFC West. That makes tonight’s matchup against the Niners in San Francisco a reel big fish for the Hawks. A win today could see them with sole possession of first place almost halfway through the season, and with Arizona fading (back-to-back losses against St. Louis and Buffalo), the division could very well come down to the head-to-head record between these two teams. Of course, we’re only in Week Seven…

Last week, while the Hawks pulled off a big comeback victory over the perennial Super Bowl contenders, the Niners found themselves in tough against the defending champs. After kicking an early field goal, the San Fran offense stalled, going scoreless for three-and-a-half quarters, while their usually-stout defense gave up 26 points. Of course, the offense gave the Giants pretty good field position by tossing three picks, which probably didn’t help. Still, the Niners team that went 13-3 last year didn’t get embarrassed like that on their home turf, so perhaps that leaves the door open for Seattle this year.

Of course, the Hawks do it all with defense, giving up the second-fewest points and rushing yards in the league. The tall, rangy Seahawks secondary has also led the way in racking up five picks, while the D-Line has posted a whopping 17 sacks on the season. That certainly doesn’t bode well for Alex Smith and his sprained middle finger, he who’s been sacked 16 times and picked off on four occasions thus far, while posting a paltry 214.5 passing yards per game. For what it’s worth, his Seattle counterpart, Russell Wilson has thrown six picks and 185 yards a game, but he’s coming off a performance (293 yards, three TDs) that was every bit as good as Smith’s last outing was bad. It might be worth noting, however, that all six of Wilson’s INTs were thrown on the road. This will definitely be the rookie’s toughest test away from home, no doot aboot it!

In any case, this is likely going to be a knock-em-down, drag-em-out type effort between two tough Ds and elite RBs Marshawn Lynch (549 yards, two TDs) and Frank Gore (470 yards, four scores). As per custom, I’ve benched both Gore and TE Vernon Davis, who I’m in the process of trading, on my fantasy team this week. I’ve also partaken this evening in another one of my Seahawks winning rituals: the halibut burrito!

I know it may sound strange, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t look–and taste–delicious! I usually go for one of these after every Seahawks win, but because the game doesn’t start till 8:30 tonight, I had to grab one before kickoff. I’m hoping it’ll bring the team luck; hey, it sure seemed to work on Monday Night Football against the Packers! Seahawks 14, Niners 12.

Gruesome Views

My thoughts on music, sports and life as a bilingual Alberta redneck in The Big Smoke

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