Unintentionally making a strong argument for why the Senate should be abolished, Senator Nicole Eaton, who once called the beaver “an animal that fittingly occupies a prominent place on (our) coat of arms,” quoting historian Harold Innis, now feels that it’s a “toothy tyrant” and a “19th-century has-been,” which is ironic, considering that the same language could be used to describe her family, the once-proud owners of a now-defunct department store chain.
Apparently painfully aware of the beaver’s association with longtime nemesis HBC, Eaton instead suggests the polar bear as our new national animal. (It seems the once-proud Canadian family has now stooped to receiving kick-backs from Coca Cola!) That said, in the national debate brought up by this pointless outbreak of Bieber beaver fever, one Postmedia commentor has come up with a novel idea for a new national symbol:
Hey, if we ship ‘em off to the Mint, it means we won’t hafta pay their salaries anymore, right?
UPDATE 3:20 PM: In a cheekier article than one would expect from a syndicated news organization, this Reuters piece on Beavergate reveals Eaton’s true motives. It seems that beavers destroyed the dock at her waterfront cottage. How dare they! Then of course, there’s the other unmentionable issue that’s revealed in the article:
“Eaton said the ever-busy dambuilders are now nuisance, but avoided mentioning another gnawing problem with the emblem: In modern times, its name is slang for female genitals.”
They even give Greenpeace an assist on this parting shot:
“You have a Conservative senator proposing to replace the beaver with the polar bear as the symbol of Canada, yet her government’s climate policy would appear to do everything possible to wipe our polar bears by the end of the century.” (I’m assuming he actually said wipe out. Two minutes for poor typing!)
Final Score: Reuters 3, Eatons 0