OK, I think we all know the answer to that one. In case you missed last week’s episode of As The Gravy Train Turns, its protagonist, The Mayor of This CityTM, Rob Fucking Ford, was in another one of His Drunken StuporsTM. He started the episode by suggesting he’d like to do more than eat one of his mayoral opponents–again, he was in a drunken stupor, so it’s OK–then had a run-in at a nightclub with Justin Bieber that had him scurrying to the bathroom, where he allegedly spent an hour eating powdered sugar donuts. ;)
In the grand finale, a
drug dealer fine upstanding young man was seen shopping a video of the Crack-Smoking Mayor of TorontoTM allegedly smoking a substance believed to be crack cocaine…again. As the credits roll, Rob Fucking Ford is ushered into a dark-coloured sedan and taken off to rehab. That’s right, they finally made him go to Robhab!
Now, this would make for compelling drama if it was “Crack Mayor,” a recurring SNL sketch starring Chris Farley, but what’s scary is that this all happened in real-life to the man who theoretically runs this town. OK, so maybe Norm Kelly has all the power while Rob Ford visits his aunt Betty, but I think the guy expects he can do 30 days of rehab, come out clean and sober–and, because this is his TV show, 150 pounds lighter–and retake the reins of this city by winning re-election. Though even Marion Barry wouldda stepped down by now, this delusion goofball apparently still thinks he can clean up the city, stop the gravy train and (insert mindless slogan here) when he can’t even clean up his own act.
Then again, as he said in one of his drunken, crack-addled, recorded conversations, he might be OK with Olivia Chow as mayor. According to the National Post transcript, Ford told an affable bar patron “As long as they vote, I’d rather them vote against me than not vote at all. I’d rather lose to Olivia Chow than lose to anyone, man, because you know what? [The city’s] going to get fucked so bad, they’re going to say ‘thank you.’ Nah, I’m not coming back. Once I’m done, I’m done. I’m going to California.” Then again, that might just be the crack talking.
Look, I’ve already said I’d vote for Olivia Newton-John over Rob Ford. Hell, I’d even cast my ballot for classically-trained actress Nikki Benz before I’d vote for him…if she hasn’t missed the deadline to register her candidacy, that is. And while I hold out some faint hope that after his “treatment,” Rob F’n Ford will see the light and retire from political life, I’m pretty much expecting his name to be on the ballot come October. All I can say is that if he runs, and by some miracle of populist propaganda, wins the mayorship a second time, I will be looking for a new place to live. Sure he’s a laugh riot, but I do not want to live in a city that’s dumb enough to vote for Rob Ford twice.
That being said, I do have some faith that your average voter, unlike our soon-to-be-former mayor, won’t make the same mistake a second time. ;)