Y’know, I can’t even remember what I did on my 16th birthday, probably because it’s a meaningless milestone that offers very few advantages beyond the ability to get your driver’s license (which I didn’t obtain until I was 18, anyways). I mean, a 16-year-old can’t even go to a strip joint—unless he gets his mom to bring some strippers to the bowling alley. Yeah, that actually happened.
As ABC News reports, “A South Glens Falls, N.Y., mother of four is facing jail time after she is said to have hired two strippers to dance at her 16-year-old’s birthday party.” Mother of four, eh? I don’t even wanna know who she hired to babysit the younger kids!
But while some may think Judy Viger, 33, is the coolest parent since the Kennedys (JFK allegedly lost his virginity to a hooker as a 14th birthday present, look it up), other folks in the small upstate NY community, about a 3.5 hour drive north of New York City, don’t feel her son’s birthday was entirely age-appropriate—including the South Glens Falls Police Department, which “has charged Judy Viger with five counts of endangering the welfare of a child,” as per ABC. Hey, those topless dancers can be pretty dangerous. After all, a stripper in Philadelphia once ruptured a man’s bladder!
But apparently there were no Bachelor’s Packages in the grab-bags at little Timmy’s b-day bash. According to ABC, the CBS affiliate WRGB says the strippers didn’t know the attendees were underage and believe the incident is being “blown out of proportion.” So, they’re saying proportion was the only thing that got blown at the party, eh?
Alas, while Momma Viger could spend some time in the slammer for her little shindig, you can kinda comprehend her lack of discretion. I mean, if she’s 33 and her son’s 16, she would’ve been about his age when the birthday boy was conceived. And they say private parts are just for adults? Hmm…