Tag Archives: Only in America

Does this recession increase my risk of heart disease?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

The Associated Press is reporting that “Years of progress fighting cholesterol might have stalled with the recession, says a huge study from one of the largest health laboratories in the U.S.”  Because when times are tight, that dollar menu at McDonald’s sure seems awfully tempting.

According to the Quest Diagnostics study, LDL cholesterol levels, which declined 13 per cent from 2001 to 2008, have started trending upwards again.  “The Great Recession began about the same time,” study author Harvey Kaufman told the AP, which also noted “He wonders if higher unemployment and financial stress affected medication use, diet or other factors to explain the findings.”  Apparently, when you lose your job, life-saving heart-disease medication is the first thing you cut back on—at least in the States, where you can’t get a reasonably-priced check-up without health insurance.

Then again, the study does have its detractors.  As Dr. Donna Arnett, president of the American Heart Association told the AP, “This kind of study isn’t representative of the entire population and could merely reflect that healthier people skipped cholesterol tests during tight financial times,” cuz without health insurance, even those cholesterol tests can be expensive.  At least I’d assume so.  We don’t seem to have that problem up here in Canada…

About these ads

Hire actors with fake guns to storm movie theater, they said. It will be fun, they said.

Posted by gruesomegreg on

One certainly has to question the intelligence of a movie-theatre owner in Missouri after an unbelievably ill-advised, yet apparently meticulously pre-planned, stunt in which he hired fake gunmen to storm the premiere of Iron Man 3—what could be considered, in some regards, as the North American answer to the Nazi opera in Dusseldorf. Capital 8 Theaters manager Bob Wilkins told his local ABC affiliate “this was planned months in advance and only a few people were upset, but hundreds were entertained.”  I’m not so sure those were screams of approval there, Bob.

Of course, the Aurora shooting is much fresher in people’s minds than the Nazi atrocities in Germany; hell, the suspected shooter is still on trial.  Furthermore, if there’d been an officer on the scene, somebody definitely would’ve been shot—and not with a cap-gun, either.  As ABC reports,  “it’s a good thing an off-duty officer wasn’t at the theater because it’s likely the officer would have engaged the actor. Had the actor not complied, the situation could have turned out much worse.”  Not just for the rent-a-villian, I’d imagine.

The theatre has since issued an apology on Facebook, stating “We have had many complaints about the members dressed specifically as S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives carrying fake guns. We didn’t clearly tell our customers and some people didn’t realize it was for entertainment purposes only. We apologize that police were called to come out to our theater.”  Presumably, they won’t be cancelling Iron Man 3 though, whereas in Germany…

Is that a dinosaur bone in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

CBS News is reporting that “U.S. authorities in New York have returned a 70-million-year-old nearly complete Tyrannosaurus bataar skeleton to the Mongolian government.”  The skull and bones were allegedly smuggled into the country by Eric Prokopi, and sold for a cool million bucks before Immigration and Customs Enforcement stepped in.  And you thought all they did was shut down sports streaming websites before the Super Bowl.

As per CBS, “Investigators found 400-lbs of fossils in Prokopi’s home, he pleaded guilty to charges related to fossil smuggling.”  Because there are actually charges relating to that, including “conspiracy, the fraudulent transfer of dinosaur bones and making false statements to customs authorities.”  Hmm, I wonder what happens to fraudulent-dinosaur-bones transferors in prison…

As for the million-dollar-tyranno-baby, authorities in both countries are happy it’s headed back where it belongs.  “We are very pleased to have played a pivotal role in returning Mongolia’s million dollar baby,” U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara said in a statement. “Of course, that million dollar price tag, as high as it is, doesn’t begin to describe the true value of an ancient artifact that is part of the fabric of a country’s natural history and cultural heritage – priceless.”

Meanwhile, Mongolian President Tsakhia Elbegdorj expressed gratitude for the safe return of the skeleton. “Our two countries are separated by many miles, but share a passion for justice and a commitment to putting an end to illegal smuggling,” he said.  So now that they’ve clamped down on the lucrative dinosaur-bone market, perhaps ICE could start looking into those gun-and-drug smugglers?

Who brings their life savings to a carnival, anyways!?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

OK, so the stories of people going broke at the casino aren’t that unusual.  But when a man blows his entire net worth on Tubs of Fun at the kiddie fair, well that’s something you don’t see every day.  CBS Boston is reporting that “Henry Gribbohm says he lost his life savings, $2,600, on a carnival game and all he has to show for it is a stuffed banana with dreadlocks.”  OK, so the guy only has $2,600 to his name.  I got almost that much money back from my tax return.  But c’mon maaaan, what makes you drop literally all your dough on dropping balls in a bucket!?

According to CBS, “The 30-year-old from Epsom says he kept trying to win back his money by going double or nothing. He dropped $300 in just a few minutes, then says he went home to get $2,300 more and soon lost all of that as well.”  That’s right, he went home to get all the money he had put aside, then went back to the fair to blow the rest.  Mr. Gribbohm, we have a private jet standing by to take you to Las Vegas!

Of course, you can’t call the cops on a casino—but in this case, that’s what our ball-toss champion did. “Henry says he went back the next day to complain, and the man running the game gave him back $600. Henry split with the banana and the cash, and filed a report with the Manchester Police Department.”  Because by now, he’s on a first-name basis with his local CBS affiliate—which nevertheless felt the need to needle him with a bad banana-split pun.  But hey, at least he got  23 per cent of his net worth back!

COMMENT OF THE DAY: I dunno guy, but I don’t think Bob Barker and prison rape belong in the same sentence…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://now.msn.com/inmates-rate-prisons-on-yelp

Apparently, inmates in American prisons are now rating their facilities on Yelp.  Because who wouldn’t wanna stay at a five-star prison?  Well, this wrongfully-accused ex-detainee, for one…

cotd429

Methinks that rape might be too strong a word in relation to ramen noodles—especially when the next sentence refers to actual rape.  Surely, you’d think someone who spent that much time in the joint wouldn’t use that word lightly.

Peter Hansen is a real penis!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Hansen, the grammatically-challenged New Hampshire State Representative, was forced to apologize today for an email in which he wrote “What could possibly be missing from those factual tales of successful retreat in VT, Germany, and the bowels of Amsterdam? Why children and vagina’s of course.”  That statement still sounds creepy when you don’t take it out of context, by the way.  But what really got people’s backs up is the Amherst Republican personifying the female gender by its lady parts.

As the local blogger who broke the story wrote, “I’m pretty sure that when the Titanic was sinking, the captain’s instructions were ‘women and children first,’ not ‘vagina’s and children first.’ That the representative chose to describe women as ‘vagina’s’ is certainly an affront to half the population. That he failed to properly pluralize the word adds insult to idiocy.”  And to make matters worse, the state governor and all four of its representatives in Washington D.C. are female.  “I think it offends and takes us away from the important task of making sure we debate with civility,” Governor Maggie Hassan told ABC News.

Rep. Hansen, in his defense, stated that he’s a big Alice Cooper fan.  (He also might be having tacos for dinner…  get it?)  “My point in the choice of words was twofold: One was shock content and the other was to try to get into the mind of the perpetrator,” Hansen told The Telegraph of Nashua.  Funny, it sounds more like he’s trying to get into her pants…

COMMENT OF THE DAY: I guess that’s why they call him O-Bomb-a… (And by they, I mean idiots.)

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://bostonherald.com/news_opinion/local_coverage/2013/04/many_injured_as_two_huge_blasts_rock_boston_marathon_finish_line

Tragic news out of Boston, where an Iraqi-style bombing at the Boston Marathon has left several injured and unconfirmed dead.  The terrorists even seem to have taken down the Boston  Herald’s website, as their service is unavailable as I type this.  That being said, it only took a couple minutes for commenters to start blaming the President of the United States for the cowardly attack.  Because this never would have happened if Mitt Romney was in charge, right? *snicker*

cotd415

cotd4152

 

cotd4153

And here I thought Massachusetts was a Democratic state…

Nelson, Georgia: Where NOT owning an illegal firearm is against the law!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Do you feel safer when everyone around you is armed?  Then welcome to Nelson, a warm, friendly town of 1,300 some 55 miles north of Atlanta.  The tiny city (it calls itself a city from some reason) is known for its marble industry and its baseball field, which you can rent for $150 a month—but only use once a week.  Their kiddie park, however, is closed for renovations, as noted on the left-hand side of their home page.  Wading-pool enthusiasts beware!

Not much happens in this quiet city, but it suddenly finds itself in the national spotlight after passing an ordinance that makes gun ownership mandatory for all citizens—except for convicted felons, mentally and physically disabled folks and peace-lovin’ hippies that are afraid of firearms.  (This may or may not be actual wording.)  According to The Associated Press, “The measure requires every head of household to own a gun and ammunition to ‘provide for the emergency management of the city’ and to ‘provide for and protect the safety, security and general welfare of the city and its inhabitants.’”  Because nothing improves my welfare like being able to bust a cap for the emergency management of my city!  770 represent!

The AP notes that Nelson is pretty crime-free to begin with, but you can never be too safe.  The Nelson Police Chief told the news agency “He mostly sees minor property thefts and a burglary every few months,” adding that “The most recent homicide was more than five years ago.”  And giving everyone a gun is only going to lower that statistic, I’m sure.

Then again, the town might have reason for alarm, what with all those baseball players coming up from the big city to rent its field.  As per the AP, a similar ordinance was passed in the Atlanta suburb of Kennesaw some 30  years ago.  “City officials there worried at the time that growth in Atlanta might bring crime to the community, which now has about 30,000 residents.”  Hmm, by that logic, shouldn’t all suburbs of Edmonton pass similar legislation?

(Now that’s a scary thought!!!)

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Libertarian polygamists for gay marriage!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/03/26/us-usa-court-gaymarriage-idUSBRE92P04820130326

As the U.S Supreme Court ponders the issue of gay marriage, there are some indications that they might remain on the fence, and not rule either way.  What are they, bisexual or something?  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

Alas, while most of the anti-gay marriage rhetoric seems to be based on religion, this potential traditionalist Mormon sees things differently.  Hey, marriage was never between church and state—so it shouldn’t be between a man and (just one) woman, either:

cotd326

…And git yer hands offa my guns while yer at it!

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Why you should never send your kid to high school in the South…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/03/asst-principal-accused-of-having-sex-with-student-at-prom/

Y’know, there’s a reason why most Canadian news sites close comments on stories about school vice principals allegedly engaging in sexual relations with students.  If it’s not the “guilty until innocent,” “hang all philanders,” crowd, unashamed racists or those who can’t help making subtle remarks about the NRA (I take it he had a concealed carry permit for his Love Gun?), you get people like this.  Care to guess which state this one calls home?

cotd314

(Something tells me his crystal meth addiction must’ve begun at a young age…)