Tag Archives: healthy-living

I’m not really looking to lose weight, just as long as I stop gaining it…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

So I burned off 216 calories on the treadmill today, which just about makes up for the ice cream sundae I had this afternoon–although it doesn’t come close to that KFC sub I ate yesterday.  I’m trying to stick to working out three to four days a week, taking the weekends off to drink beer and eat junk food.  Well, I suppose won’t be drinking too much if the LCBOmageddonapocalypse kicks off tonight.  Although they do have a Beer Store at Dundas Square now…

You see, I’m not really trying to lose weight.  The last thing I want to do is buy several new pairs of pants.  And while my waistline is noticeably slimmer–noticeably to me, at least, cuz I live with myself–I can still fit into my old jeans.  I just hafta pull the belt a little tighter.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to be healthy and get in shape, but as one standup comedian once said, “I’ve tried everything to lose weight–except diet and exercise.”  Well, I’m now getting into the latter, but dieting on top of that is just too much for me.  I still like to enjoy my food, even if tonight I mostly filled up on bread.  Maaaan, Longo’s makes their buns way too big for a normal sized burger.  You could probably put three patties on one of those things!  Hmm, I think I might actually try that…  Homemade land-sea-and-air burger, coming right up!

Then again, I guess I could probably use some smaller buns.  And not just the ones in my pants.

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Does this recession increase my risk of heart disease?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

The Associated Press is reporting that “Years of progress fighting cholesterol might have stalled with the recession, says a huge study from one of the largest health laboratories in the U.S.”  Because when times are tight, that dollar menu at McDonald’s sure seems awfully tempting.

According to the Quest Diagnostics study, LDL cholesterol levels, which declined 13 per cent from 2001 to 2008, have started trending upwards again.  “The Great Recession began about the same time,” study author Harvey Kaufman told the AP, which also noted “He wonders if higher unemployment and financial stress affected medication use, diet or other factors to explain the findings.”  Apparently, when you lose your job, life-saving heart-disease medication is the first thing you cut back on—at least in the States, where you can’t get a reasonably-priced check-up without health insurance.

Then again, the study does have its detractors.  As Dr. Donna Arnett, president of the American Heart Association told the AP, “This kind of study isn’t representative of the entire population and could merely reflect that healthier people skipped cholesterol tests during tight financial times,” cuz without health insurance, even those cholesterol tests can be expensive.  At least I’d assume so.  We don’t seem to have that problem up here in Canada…

Gruesome Greg tries exercise, pain ensues…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Nobody wants to be the fat guy at the gym in the baggy shorts and the t-shirt that was a perfect fit… five years ago.  Me neither.  But moving to my new apartment has provided me the impetus to get in shape–at least temporarily.  With a brand-new fitness centre that’s barely being used, I can have my own private workouts when I get home from work.  Good thing, too, cuz this guy on a treadmill is not a pretty sight.

To make sure I’m alone, I make a point of hitting the gym as close to 5 pm as possible.  Since I’ve virtually eliminated my commute by moving to Bay Street, I figure I’d use that time to exercise instead.  Of course, once I change, work out and shower, it’s a lot later than it would be when I had to take the TTC home–provided that there weren’t any delays.  But y’know, I have the added bonus of feeling refreshed and motivated, as opposed to mad at the world and its smelly inhabitants.

Anyways, I got on the apparatus for the first time yesterday, and according to the built-in heart monitor, my heart-rate peaked at 182–almost as fast as a Slayer song.  Today, I topped out at 147, which is still faster than I can play bass.  But hey, I’m burning 200 calories an evening, which partially offsets the large pizza I devour afterwards.  And I think I’m losing weight, although I don’t actually own a scale.  My waistline appears to be receding, although that might just be wishful thinking, or the post-workout lightheadedness taking hold.  And I swear to Satan, I’m actually developing muscles in my neck and shoulders from hanging on for dear life.  I can’t say I’m digging this post-workout soreness of legs, though…

You could say I’m still pumped from using the treadmill.  Who knew that walking could be so exhausting?

Soooo, if you accumulate more workout hours than there are in a day, do you get an extra day off work?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Scientists at Texas Christian University have come up with a new way to try and scare fat people into hitting Gold’s Gym instead of the Golden Arches.  As CTV News reports, “A new study finds that restaurant guests who look at menus that show them an estimate of how much exercise is needed to burn off calories tend to choose lower-calorie options.”  The experiment, conducted with participants under the age of 30—cuz you won’t find too many frat brothers in their late 40s—found the menu that lists both calories and workout hours caused its guinea pigs to not only order less, but eat less as well.  Gee, I hope TCU was picking up the cheque, cuz they’re not getting their money’s worth otherwise…

However, just like having a gym in my neighbourhood doesn’t actually encourage me to join it, knowing how many workout hours are in my Whopper won’t actually make me work out.  In fact, I’d be more likely to see how many workout hours I could accumulate in one meal.  C’mon man, you think I’d actually work out for three days straight to burn off that quadruple bypass burger!?

Unfortunately, my accumulated workout hours can’t be banked for additional vacation days—I work in the private sector.  But if Rob Ford were to launch a “Workout Hours You Build Up But Don’t Use” challenge, I would definitely try to beat the mayor at his game.  Now pass the kindergartener’s-head-sized shawarma!

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Soooo, Dick Cheney doesn’t need the Mediterranean diet, then?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/26/health/mediterranean-diet-can-cut-heart-disease-study-finds.html

A new study has found that a “Mediterranean diet” consisting of fish, olive oil, and, get this—seven glasses of wine a week has been found to increase life expectancy by lowering the risk of heart disease.  That being said, there’s still a different between low risk and no risk.  Just ask this Vietnam vet:

cotd226

(I could be wrong, but I think I saw on The Daily Show that Cheney eats the souls of dead babies.)

Ashtanga yoga: The Satanic Verses of mat-based exercise?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

First, they wouldn’t let kids play with balls in school.  Then, they wouldn’t let them wear yoga pants.  Now, if a couple Californian fundamentalists get their way, kids won’t even be able to do yoga—regardless of their attire.  Reuters is reporting that “The parents of two California grade school students have sued to block the teaching of yoga classes they complain promote eastern religions, saying children who exercise their choice to opt out of the popular program face bullying and teasing.”  Only in California do kids get teased for NOT doing yoga!

But y’see, it’s not just any old yoga they’re teaching to children in the Encinitas Unified School District—it’s Ashtanga yoga, an offshoot of that hateful, violent religion…  Hinduism?  Hey, wait a minute!  “As a First Amendment lawyer, I wouldn’t go after an exercise program. I don’t go after people for stretching,” said attorney Dean Broyles, the First Amendment lawyer who happily took the case.  “But Ashtanga yoga is a religious-based yoga, and if we are separating church and state, we can’t pick and choose religious favourites,” he said.  Hmm, I wonder if he also objects to prayer in schools…

So what’s so sacred about the downward dog?  Well, according to Reuters, “The lawsuit, which does not seek any monetary damages, objects to eight-limbed tree posters they say are derived from Hindu beliefs, the Namaste greeting and several of the yoga poses that they say represent the worship of Hindu deities.”  God Bless America, and no place else!

That being said, if yoga poses are now considered religious worship, maybe I should start going to church—if I could only find a church that doesn’t ban yoga pants. ;)

This 155-pound chap eats more breakfast in a half-hour than I do in a week!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Now, doesn’t that just look delicious?  Man, I could dive right into this platter and stay there for a week!  Alas, only one human being has ever eaten this scrumptious spread in the alotted “one hour and it’s free,” some scrawny bloke named Robert Pinto.  It says here he only weighs 11 stones!

Of course, it must be mentioned that Pinto’s a competitive eater.  He finished the whole thing in 26 minutes–and here’s proof!  How is it that skinny guys kick ass at competitive eating, anyways?  I mean, The Great Kobayashi tips the scales at 128, but that man can put more meat in his mouth than a male escort on Pride Week!  Me, I can barely make it through a corned beef sandwich at the Carnegie Deli without having a heart attack…

Oh yeah, he works out.  To burn off the 6,000(!!!) calories, Pinto told The Sun “I went for a five-mile run, went to the gym and had a swim — you have to keep healthy.”  Sure, that’s easy for you to say, Mr. I-eat-6,000-calories-in-26-minutes!  (Oh, wait…)

It probably helps that he’s not chained to a desk, either.  The Sun reports that when not devouring English breakfasts in a single round, Pinto “runs clothes shop C3 in Stamford.”  Which, I presume, is a women’s clothing store…  Hey buddy, nice blouse!

Who knew that to consume only Starbucks for two years could make you 85 pounds lighter!?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Don’t get me wrong, I love cheesesteak, but I could not possibly eat at I Went to Philly every day, three times a day.  For one thing, I’d probably gain about 85 pounds.  But on the other hand, a law librarian in Virginia has lost that much weight eating only at Starbucks every day for two years.  I guess that makes her a muffinatarian?

As CTV News reports, Christine Hall “was able to do it by skipping over the coffee chain’s treats and sticking with the pre-wrapped sandwiches and food boxes,” becoming her local Starbucks’ favourite customer in the process.  For Hall, a typical day of meals consists of “oatmeal and coffee for breakfast, then a ‘bistro box’ with fruit and cheese for lunch, and a panini for dinner.”  I’m sure that tastes about as bland as it sounds, especially for 730 days straight.  If variety is the spice of life, Hall’s last two years are the life-experience equivalent of astronaut food.

And nutritionists don’t think it’s such a good idea, either.  ”When you follow something that restricts certain food groups or that limits you to one particular restaurant, it’s very difficult to be healthy and meet your nutrition needs,” D.C. dietician Rebecca Scritchfield told NBC.  And yet, Hall, who used to weigh 200 pounds, claims to have cured her sleep apnea and a whole host of aches and pains thanks to the ubiquitous coffee chain.  “I have no medical issues whatsoever. I just feel like a kid again,” she says.

Quick, somebody get her Subway Jared’s agent on the phone…

This just in: dieting’s for suckas!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

In what has to be the best news I’ve heard all day, a study published in the journal Nature has concluded that eating less doesn’t make you live longer.  The long-term research on the lifespan of monkeys, man’s closest forbearer, began in 1987, and made sure that some of the primates “weights were so low they were the equivalent of a 6-foot-tall man who tipped the scales at just 120 to 133 pounds,” according to the New York Times.  Funny thing, some of the scientists involved also took up a low-calorie diet, convinced that it would make them live longer, too.  Hmm, I wonder how many of them are still around today…

Mind you, the scientific community remains divided on this issue, as an earlier study by the University of Wisconsin, published in 2009, produced contradictory results.  However, as the Times points out, “Its authors had disregarded about half of the deaths among the monkeys they studied, saying they were not related to aging. If they had included all of the deaths, there was no extension of life span in the Wisconsin study, either.”

It does seem, however, that eating less might have its benefits—albeit only amongst older chimps.  “Males and females that were put on the diet when they were old had lower levels of triglycerides, which are linked to heart disease risk. Monkeys put on the diet when they were young or middle-aged did not get the same benefits, though they had less cancer.”  I’m sure that’s just a coincidence, though.  Last time I checked, there weren’t any carcinogens in cheeseburgers…

Even the doctors who recommend eating less can’t seem to follow their own advice. Dr. Rafael de Cabo, the lead author of the study, admits to being overweight, though he “advised people that if they want to try a reduced-calorie diet, they should consult a doctor first.”  The author of the Wisconsin study, meanwhile, considers himself “a hopeless caloric-restriction romantic,” but he can’t keep his own calories down.  “I’m only 62. It isn’t too late,” he told the Times.  Hey, if the man who’s running to be Quebec’s next health minister can beat Rob Ford in a sumo-wrestling match, then there must be nothing wrong with being big-boned.

That said, if 62’s not too late to start eating less, then it looks like I’ve still got a long ways to go.  I think I’ll have a box of chicken fingers this evening to celebrate my good fortune. :D

FRENCH WORD OF THE DAY: Préservatif

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Préservatif: A supple, thin cylindrical reservoir made of latex, placed on the shaft before sexual relations for contraceptive or hygienic purposes; ie, a condom.

As seen in: « Les femmes qui n’utilisent pas de préservatif lors de leurs rapports sexuels seraient moins dépressives. »

(Translation: “Women who don’t use condoms during their sexual relations will be less depressed.”)

http://fr.canoe.ca/artdevivre/ellelui/article1/2012/08/24/20135906-bum.html