Tag Archives: Google

COMMENT OF THE DAY: “Porn is timeless and ageless!”

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2013/04/18/google-glass-resale-forbidden.html

Need I say more?  OK, fine.  Rumour has it that Google Glasses will come with a special self-destruct switch, which, if resold or even lent to someone else, will cause the second-hand user’s face to melt and eyes to burn…  or something like that.  Truth be told, there’s some speculation that the deactivation policy only applies to the early beta prototypes, but hey, why would you wanna give up your personalized portable porn stash, anyways?

cotd418

Future lame excuse: No ma’am, I wasn’t using my Google Glasses to cheat on the test—I was just looking at porn for “relaxation purposes.”

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New study ignores that using Google to find porn usually isn’t the best idea (except during Christmas time)…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

According to a recent study, Americans search for sex on Google more often in the summer months of June and July—but also over the Christmas holidays and during the month of January, the Globe and Mail reports.  The Villanova University study found that “searches related to finding a date, porn and prostitutes spiked during these periods,” as per the Globe.  Man, I wish I could’ve been a research assistant on that project!

Apparently, when people are more sociable, they also get hornier, one of the study’s researchers suggests.  “The summer time tends to bring a flurry of social activities, and December can bring holiday gatherings and shopping crowds,” Prof. Patrick Markey noted.  I must say that shopping for presents makes me wanna go and baste the Christmas turkey, if you know what I mean.  But let’s not overlook a key factor, here.  The people who are Googling “boobs,” “porn” and “brothel” likely aren’t having sex—unless it’s with a prostitute.  (On that note, Google searches for hookers apparently rose 35 per cent in March 2008, right around the time Eliot Spitzer got caught with one.)

Let’s face it, women tend to wear less clothing in the summertime, and the guy who spends all day staring at them on the subway could very well go home and dial up some hot schoolgirl action at the end of the night.  Mind you, he probably doesn’t need to Google “boobs” to get off—he’s certainly got a few good sites bookmarked already.  In fact, Googling lurid, sexual terms sometimes won’t lead you to porn at all.  I know I’ve had my share of visitors in the past who’ve searched on some steamy keywords to get here—and not all of them had to do with Romanian Olympic gymnast Catalina Ponor…

That said, the spike on Googling for sex over Christmas certainly makes sense.  Chances are, you’re not getting laid when you’re spending the holidays with your folks—unless maybe you live in rural Arkansas.  And the last thing you wanna do is to be bookmarking anal-sex sites on Grandma’s Pentium II PC.  That’s when Google comes in handy, my friends.  Just remember to delete your history. ;)

Google sees your South Korean dashboard-mounted TV, and raises you… a car that drives itself!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Next time you have a few too many drinks during an all-nite gambling spree in Vegas, you can count on Google to take you back to your hotel.  Well OK, they haven’t made them available to the public yet, but Google’s self-driving car just passed its driver’s test in Nevada, the first state to allow “autonomous vehicles” on its roads.  The cars have special red license plates with an infinity sign and the words “AUTONOMOUS VEHICLE” on them, which are currently only available to test vehicles from technology firms.

Furthermore, in addition to 113 dollars in license and registration fees, Nevada requires self-driving car owners to “purchase a surety bond of $1 million to put up to 5 vehicles on the road.”  That would take one helluva hot streak to get that kinda dough—unless you’re a major corporation.

These miracle machines have already accomplished such astounding feats as taking a blind man to Taco Bell and automatically upgrading him to Fries Supreme, and even though one got into an accident, it wasn’t the computer’s fault.  But while the Google search engine hasn’t been hacked in recent memory, one might come to rue the day when you hafta call Geek Squad, not a mechanic, to fix your car.  I guess you’ll just hafta avoid downloading porn to your Toyota Prius, to be safe.

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Google–Breaking the Law!?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2398761,00.asp

So, in order to get people to actually use its Google+ social network, Google is introducing a new form of search results, called “Search Plus Your World,” that will include Google+ and Picasa content on its search result pages.  This doesn’t sit will with Twitter, a social network that people actually use, which stands to be less prominently featured on Google after these changes—especially since its licensing deal expired in July. 

“We’re concerned that as a result of Google’s changes, finding this information will be much harder for everyone. We think it’s bad for people, publishers, news organizations, and Twitter users,” Twitter continued.  Clearly, SEO is serious business…  But maybe people need to relax a bit—or just go use another search engine?  (I’ve heard Metacrawler’s nice this time of year…)

 

That’s it, I’m calling the real police, and the cyberpolice—Google, ya dun goofed!

Until last nite, I hadn’t heard “Friday” by Rebecca Black. Unfortunately, my curiousity got the best of me…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

I must say that I’m willfully ignorant of pop music.  I haven’t even listened to an FM radio station in over six years, college radio notwithstanding.  In fact, I only own two of SPIN magazine’s 50 Best Albums of 2011–I’ll let you guess which ones.  (If you said Femme Fatale and Born This Way, you can fuck right off…)

So that’s why I hadn’t even heard of Rebecca Black, the female Justin Bieber, until Google revealed yesterday that she was Canada’s fourth-most googled search term of 2011.  Naturally, I then went and googled her.  The first thing that comes up on the results page was a YouTube link to “Friday,” a song considered by some to be the worst piece of music ever written.  I gotta say, I’ve never seen such a long Wikipedia entry for just one song.  And now I know why…

A few random thoughts about this video:

  • This girl’s voice is so Auto-tuned that she makes T-Pain sound like Etta James.  In fact, I kinda wonder if they got the guy who does Alvin and the Chipmunks, or maybe a Speak ‘n Spell to record the vocals, and only cast Rebecca Black for the music video.
  • Is the scruffy-haired kid behind the wheel of that convertible even old enough to drive?  It looks like someone took “The Boys in the Bright White Sportscar” a little too literally…  Hey, maybe that’s Ra McGuire‘s son?
  • How many Benjamins and bling-bling did they give that rapper to appear in the song/video?  He looks like he could be someone’s father.  Was Little Bow Wow Wow too busy?  Y’know, the last time I was in L.A., I went to the Hollywood Walk of Fame, where there was this big, fat rapper with a boombox busking in the street.  If you gave him a dollar, he’d make up a rhyme with your kid’s name in it.  I almost wonder if it’s the same guy who did this song, and whether they paid him in quarters…
  • I used to think Eminem’s “Without Me” had the most annoyingly repetitive chorus ever, especially when they used to play it on CJAY 92 for some strange reason ($$$).  Not anymore!
  • Let’s face it, this song is “Working for the Weekend” for the under-15 set.  Has she done that duet with Bieber yet?

Looks like Google Maps isn’t the only feature that could use some common sense adjustments…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Those of you who follow the news have probably noticed the changes Google has made to its Google News site, including a new feature on the right nav that showcases local stories in the user’s home province—unless you speak French, in which case the interface is the same as it’s always been.  That said, their filter seems to have goofed, as last time I checked, we didn’t have a Vancouver in Ontario.

 

(Granted, the idea of a shark fin ban originated here, but it still looks bad when the top story under Ontario has Vancouver in its headline, dontcha think?)

SEARCH TERM OF THE DAY: Hey, isn’t that a metalcore band?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Several strange search terms have popped up today, but this one’s a real head-scratcher:

I can’t imagine what said person was looking for.  But what I do know is that after a coupla pages about numbers and patterns and stuff, Google gives you a link to this killer Weedeater video, and that’s pretty cool.

SEARCH TERM OF THE DAY: Asterix in Russian!? Вы должны быть шутишь!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Seems like I’m not the only one wondering what’s up with Hef not lowering the price of Playboy north of the border.  I’ve counted at least five different search terms combining Playboy, 60 cents and Canada that brought people to this site.  But that’s not all I’m wondering tonite.  I know they translated them into English, but are there really versions of Asterix comic books out there in the Cyrillic alphabet?  Unfortunately, you won’t find the answer here.  Sorry comrade…

By the way, the second sentence in the title of this post says “You’ve got to be kidding me!” in Russian, at least if you believe Google Translate.  Oh, and this is also the 100th post on this blog.  Yippie-Kai-Yay!

SEARCH TERM OF THE DAY: Hey, is Storage Wars on tonite?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Looks like it must be, judging from the search terms that are bringing people to this site. ;)

Out of curiosity, I actually Googled darrell sheets home invasion to see what comes up.  Turns out, there are only three pages that mention it–unless you’re counting Trooper Daryl Sheets–and two of them are on this blog.

That said, if anyone knows his address, or even which county he lives in, I will see what I can find out.  If I learned anything in journalism school, it was how to harness the power of Google, heh heh…