So, tonite is pretty much a must-win for the Stamps if they wanna stay in the hunt for the Western Division title. Thus, I knew that I must prepare a feast for Gniyrg Gnaarg, the pagan god of CFL football, in order to guarantee victory over Saskatchewan. Fortunately, I had plenty of frozen food with which I could complete this task.
Taking inspiration from the culinary creations of American Psycho, my own personal journey through the Urban Eatery, and that Epic Meal Time vid I saw the other day, I put together this pre-game spread to please Gniyrg Gnaarg.
For an appetizer, I had St. Hubert’s coleslaw and reheated Stouffers macaroni and cheese, served with a Schneider’s meat pie and doused with Frank’s Red Hot sauce in a plastic container. I believe Zagat calls this nouveau Micro-Ondean cuisine.
Then, for a main course, I assembled this Pagan Altar to the mighty Gniyrg Gnaarg using chicken fingers, Wong Wing chicken dumplings topped with dim sum sauce and a Schneider’s meat pie with a dollop of barbeque sauce. New York Matinee calls it a playful, mysterious little dish.
Having pleased the god of CFL football, I can sense a Stampeders victory tonite. After all, the last time Saskatchewan scored a touchdown, McGuinty still had a majority. Or maybe that’s just the coleslaw giving me that gut feeling…
(BTW, before any forest worshippers put a hex on me, Gniyrg Gnaarg isn’t a god, but rather the name of some shitty Finnish doom band I had to review once upon a time. Oh, and I’m pretty sure it’s pronounced Nerg Narg…)