Tag Archives: entertainment

Bye-Bye Bill Hader!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

The season finale of Saturday Night Live is tonight, and with it we bid adieu to another beloved cast member.  There is some sort of unwritten rule about overstaying your welcome on the show, and while Jason Sudeikis and Fred Armisen have been rumoured to be leaving for quite some time now, it seems they’ll both be sticking around—or will they?

The one star who’s definitely got both feet out the door is Bill Hader, one of my personal favourites.  An eight-year SNL veteran who’s been making more TV and movie appearances of late, Hader is said to be moving to L.A., in part because his wife, director Maggie Carey, needs to be closer to Hollywood.  I suppose his own acting career could benefit from a change of scenery, as well.

Hader has been known to play a wide variety of characters, including signature creations Stefon and Vinny Vedecci.  His far-flung facial expressions and wide-eyed exuberance will surely be missed by fans of the program—but then again, I’m sure they said the same about Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd and Chris Farley and Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler…  you get the point.  The beauty of SNL is in its renewal; case in point, I’ve already found a new favourite female cast member in Kate McKinnon.  As such, I’m sure that whoever comes in to take Hader’s place will still be pretty funny.

That being said, if there’s one good thing that could potentially come of this, it’s that the craptacular Californians sketch could be dealt a fatal blow by losing Hader, who was both its co-star and co-writer.  Now, I’m not saying I want Armisen to leave, too—I particularly enjoyed his performance as the only punk rocker who liked Margaret Thatcher—but really, that surfer-dude skit has gotta go!

(Anyways, I won’t be at home to watch this evening’s episode, and right now my internet connection’s slower than a one-legged hunchback in a potato-sack race, so I’ll just hafta wait until it appears on Rogers on Demand.  Hopefully, it’ll be up this weekend—I suspect the Rogers repairmen are taking the long weekend off…)

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LUNCH AND A MOVIE: Spring Breakers

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Ever since I first heard that Harmony Korine would be directing a “drug-and-violence fueled bacchanal” starring former Disney princesses Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson, I knew I had to see it.  Man, I wanted to see it badly enough to wake up early and try to score same-day tickets at TIFF.  (I just narrowly missed the cut-off window.)  I’ve kept occasional tabs on the film since then, knowing that it would open in theatres sometime around Spring Break.  It turned out to be a week late (unless you live in NYC or LA), but that still gave me time to catch it while it was still playing in the cinema; I certainly don’t envision a lengthy cinematic run, despite the media attention its stars are getting on Entertainment Tonight, etc.

Another thing I’ve wanted for a long time is a Five Guys burger.  They recently opened their first Toronto location at Yonge & Dundas, in a space partially vacated by the HMV Megastore.  It’s been there since last summer, but I hadn’t had a chance to go…  until today.  You could say it was a match made on a drug-and-violence fueled bacchanal in St. Petersburg, Florida–or something like that. ;)

Anyways, Five Guys Yonge St has a light-up sign in homage to the former Sam the Record Man next door, albeit on a much smaller scale.  Their open-concept establishment contains ample seating that allows you to watch what’s going on behind the grill.  The chalkboard proudly states that their potatoes come from Alberton, PEI, and there are several bags stacked near the entrance for your spud-porn pleasure.  It’s not much of a mystery as to how they got there–after all, the people of PEI have a key to the city.  Thanks, Mel Lastman!

Anyhoo, I had the double-cheeseburger with regular-sized Cajun fries and an iced tea.  The spread looked a little something like this:

002There are testaments on the wall as to how amazing the burgers are, and hey, they don’t disappoint.  Two thick, juicy patties with an abundance of free fresh toppings that enhance the palette; the sharpness of the pickles, the smoothness of the mushrooms (I loves me some mushroom burgers!), the almost-overpowering kick of the jalapenos.  It occurred to me that most places use banana peppers, not jalapenos, as burger toppings, and I was quickly reminded why between extended swigs of soda.

As for the fries, well, I think going Cajun-style mighta been a mistake.  The seasoning was a little too salty, ruining the taste of an otherwise perfect PEI potato.  And for the record, there were a lot more fries than seen above; just about as many in the paper bag as were in the paper cup.  They apparently don’t do trays at this place…

Anyways, while the food was all quite tasty–Cajun fries aside–the price was a little steep at $16 for the combo.  You’ll hafta take full advantage of all the free toppings, free peanuts and free refills to really get your money’s worth.

…

By comparison, paying 13 bucks to see the movie was almost a steal.  For my money’s worth, this is Korine’s best work–and not just because it’s showing at a Cineplex.  Suffice to say it was a major step up from his last production, Trash Humpers, which I actually saw at the Scotiabank Theatre (during TIFF, mind you).  That one definitely didn’t receive a widespread theatrical release…

So you’re a former Disney Channel actress who’s now reached adulthood and is trying to avoid being typecast as a high-school cheerleader or a princess.  What better way to break the mould than by appearing as a homicidal, drug-addicted, sex-crazed coed in various states of undress for 94 minutes?  At least, I assume that’s how this film was pitched to its female leads.  As for Franco, who plays a semi-parodic white-boy version of Lil Wayne meets Tony Montana, one can only assume he was high when he first read the script. ;)

Don’t get me wrong, as laugh-out-loud ridiculous as Franco’s “Alien” character is, he’s probably the most well-acted.  Only Gomez, who serves as sort of an early narrator, is really given any depth–and she gets sent home early.  The other girls sure look real purdy giving their bedroom eyes in teeny bikinis, but aside from their hair-trigger urges to commit armed robbery, these characters are fairly one-dimensional.

That being said, the cinematography is simply stunning.  Korine opens with a montage of Girls Gone Wild-style tits ‘n cheap beer to make it clear that this isn’t a Disney movie, and includes more crotch shots than a Globe and Mail cover.  The actresses are clearly portrayed as sex objects–but no more so than the crazy college girls you’d see in *insert freshman guy comedy here,* only these aren’t bit players, rather the stars of the show.  But the initial premise that these sex-starved sluts, who draw penises during a lecture about Hitler (to some degree of amusement) are so desperate to escape their college town for Spring Break that they’ll rob every place on Main Street seems a little flimsy, at best.

That being said, the storyline gets somewhat stronger, if equally surreal, in the second half, after the girls are bailed out of jail by Franco’s Weezy Scarface.  This is where the movie takes a dark turn, from spring-break escapism to the seedy underworld of a popular tourist spot.  And unlike a Hollywood action film full of car chases and explosions, the slow pacing and extended repetition (a Korine trademark) simply build tension to a final scene that’s almost on par with Django Unchained–albeit without the prevailing sense of social justice.  (Let’s just say that it’s the black folks who get shot.)

Of course, in watching this film, one can’t help but be reminded that the bikini-clad killers on screen were once the stars of High School Musical, Pretty Little Liars and Barney & Friends.  (Barney was actually Gomez’s first big break.)  There’s a whole subtext here about pushing the Disney girls to their limits.  Gomez, the youngest and least removed from her Disney days, takes off before the going really gets rough, while Rachel Korine (yes, Harmony cast his own 26-year-old wife in this picture!) is up for a solo, nude, post-gunshot shower scene before she takes the bus back to the sticks.

Benson and Hudgens, however, go all the way in a swimming-pool threesome with Franco that would be a lot steamier if the three co-stars didn’t all have “no naughty bits” clauses in their contracts.  Let’s just say that if this movie proves to be a career-killer for the young girl who rose to fame as Gabrielle Montez in those teenage TV movies, she just might have a future in the adult film industry.  With her sultry, come-hither expression locked on for the duration of the film, I can see why 12-year-old boys everywhere went wild over those semi-nude photos that surfaced online a few years back.  Zac Efron probably cried out of his penis while watching this film.  (I know I did.)

Alas, Spring Breakers is definitely not meant for teenyboppers of either gender.  Judging by the outspoken reaction of the 12-year-old girl behind me who snuck into the film, it’ll probably leave them scarred for life–or at least until they head off to college.  Methinks this means Korine hit his mark with this subversive soon-to-be cult classic.  And I’m sure we’ll be seeing this one at 2 am on Spike TV for generations to cum. ;)

10 REASONS TO SEE MY STANDUP SHOW: 1. IT’S TODAY AT 3PM!!!! (You’re not doing anything else, anyways!)

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In case you didn’t know, I’m doing a standup show at Absolute Comedy on Sunday, March 3rd at 3 pm (more info here).  I’m new to this whole live comedy thing, but I’ve been taking classes at Second City, and I reckon I’m getting ‘er rather good.  In case the everyday humorous content on my blog doesn’t convince you that my five-minute act is worth your five dollars, I’ll be giving you 10 more reasons to see my show over the next 10 days.  Here’s another one…

10. My act’s got more balls than Lance Armstrong, more legs than Oscar Pistorius, more hair than Rob Halford!

9. Absolute Comedy is conveniently located near Eglinton Station for your TTCing pleasure

8. The menu at Absolute doesn’t contain confusing Italian words like “pasta,” “calamari” or “bottiglia.”

7. Rob Ford gives it a “Respect for Taxpayers” and a “Stop the Gravy Train!”

6. There are no major sporting events occurring at this date and time.  Don’t you need a reason to drink beer?

5. We can go bowling afterwards!  (There may or may not be strippers…)

4. There’s bound to be at least one American Psycho reference…

3. Hey, it’s better than (surprise butt)sex!

2. There are seven other performers who are pretty funny people…

1. IT’S TODAY AT 3PM!!!! (You’re not doing anything else, anyways!)

Yes indeed folks, the time has come.  In just a few short hours, I’ll be taking the stage at Absolute Comedy to a rousing round of applause… I hope.  At this point, I can pretty much guarantee that I’ve got my material down pat–after all, I wrote it–so I know I’m good to go.  Now’s your chance to say you saw me before I was selling out the Apollo (in Sudbury).  The show starts at three, but they suggest getting there around 2:30.  Otherwise, the management warns that “If you arrive only 5 min prior to showtime, you MAY have to sit in the kitchen and watch the show on a 14” black and white screen with no sound and we will spit in your drinks.”  Doesn’t sound like a good time to me–so get there early!

Amateur Sunday Afternoon @ Absolute Comedy, 2335 Yonge St, Sunday, March 3rd. $5. Doors @ 2:30, show starts @ 3 pm.

10 REASONS TO SEE MY STANDUP SHOW THIS SUNDAY: 4. There’s bound to be at least one American Psycho reference…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

In case you didn’t know, I’m doing a standup show at Absolute Comedy on Sunday, March 3rd at 3 pm (more info here).  I’m new to this whole live comedy thing, but I’ve been taking classes at Second City, and I reckon I’m getting ‘er rather good.  In case the everyday humorous content on my blog doesn’t convince you that my five-minute act is worth your five dollars, I’ll be giving you 10 more reasons to see my show over the next 10 days.  Here’s another one…

10. My act’s got more balls than Lance Armstrong, more legs than Oscar Pistorius, more hair than Rob Halford!

9. Absolute Comedy is conveniently located near Eglinton Station for your TTCing pleasure

8. The menu at Absolute doesn’t contain confusing Italian words like “pasta,” “calamari” or “bottiglia.”

7. Rob Ford gives it a “Respect for Taxpayers” and a “Stop the Gravy Train!”

6. There are no major sporting events occurring at this date and time.  Don’t you need a reason to drink beer?

5. We can go bowling afterwards!  (There may or may not be strippers…)

4. There’s bound to be at least one American Psycho reference…

As I’ve said before, American Psycho changed my life.  Great, great film.  Personal favourite.  But while my Phil Collins bit didn’t go so well (she almost got away), I can guarantee that there’ll be at least one American Psycho reference in my set on Sunday–although you’d hafta be a fellow fan of the film to pick up on it. ;)

Amateur Sunday Afternoon @ Absolute Comedy, 2335 Yonge St, Sunday, March 3rd. $5. Doors @ 2:30, show starts @ 3 pm.

The Onion apparently needs to learn the seven words you can’t say to a nine-year-old…

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Jennifer Lawrence may have made history with her Oscar acceptance face-plant, but one of her runners-up in the Best Actress category has stolen several supermarket-tabloid headlines—not for anything she said or did, but for what was being said about her.  Quvenzhané Wallis (pronounced kwuh-VEN-zhuh-nay), the nine-year-old nominated for her performance in Beasts of the Southern Wild, apparently had Kelly Osbourne tongue-tied, with Ozzy’s offspring constantly referring to her as “Little Q” in her red-carpet commentary.  Considering that her old man can barely string a coherent sentence together, perhaps we shouldn’t expect too much from the former reality TV star—but you’d think that learning the name of one of the nominees for best freakin’ actress would be part of any entertainment reporter’s pre-Oscar preparations.

That being said, Osbourne’s gaffe pales in comparison to The Onion, as the satirical news site actually tweeted the following:

Let’s see, other than the fact that the “c-word” is degrading and offensive to women, using it towards a nine-year-old girl adds an extra layer of creepy disgustingness.  Someone at The Onion must’ve been asleep at the switch—or drinking on the job.  And now, as The Daily Mail reports, consequences will never be the same!

Looks like an unsuspecting satirist is about to get a cap busted in his azz, yo!

ATTN SNL writers: It’s time to kill The Californians!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Even Mick Jagger couldn’t save this sketch…

Although I don’t believe I’ve mentioned it on this blog before, I’m a pretty big fan of Saturday Night Live.  I’ve only started watching religiously within the past couple seasons, mind you, as a need arose to fill the void when the Flames weren’t playing on Hockey Night in Canada.  On that note, last night’s game ended early and badly, thus I was inebriated to the point that when I switched to SNL, I couldn’t even be bothered to change the channel when Justin Bieber came on–which was quite often, at that.  They even found a way to write him in to their decidedly unfunny running soap opera send-up, The Californians.  Hey, so maybe the kid can sing and dance, but he really can’t act.  Just sayin’.

Anyways, SNL has certainly had its share of classic recurring sketches over the years.  I mean, who could forget The Blues Brothers, Wayne’s World or The Roxbury Guys?  But there isn’t bound to be a movie spinoff of their latest running gag anytime soon–not least because the title’s already taken.  I personally could not imagine anyone sitting through 90 minutes of this bit!

Now, I think it’s highly likely that some SNL writers have actually spent time in L.A., the entertainment capital of the universe.  (In fact, The Huffington Post says the sketch “was inspired by Armisen’s deep affection for Los Angeles.”)  Either that, or The Californians is meant to be a dig at these outsiders, a gang of New Yorkers laughing at America’s second largest city.  Well, at least the writers are laughing, anyways.  I’ve never found these sketches to be particularly funny.

The soap-opera spoof dresses selected cast members (most notably Fred Armisen and Bill Hader) and guests in blonde wigs and gives them ridiculous surfer-dude accents, weaving a typically flimsy plot around a truckload of unfunny freeway gags and collective mirror-staring sessions (as pictured above).  Placed next to Wayne and Garth or Jake and Elwood, this seems like the kind of skit that wouldn’t make it past the cutting room floor, but disturbingly enough, Bieber’s appearance last night as a skateboarding runaway (he’s no Mick Jagger in the valley girl accent department, either!) was the sketch’s fifth appearance since last season.  Quick, name me another SNL bit that’s gotten that much airplay these past couple years, aside from Weekend Update.  The only one that comes to my mind is Jay Pharoah’s Principal Frye–and FWIW, I thought Bieber bombed that bit, to boot…

Coincidentally, Armisen, the reported mastermind behind The Californians, is also one of the creators of Portlandia, a show about, you guessed it, Portland.  Hey, I’ve got nothing against the guy’s acting, but maybe it’s time for him to try writing material that the whole country–and even its northern neighbours–can enjoy?

Oh, and while I’m on my SNL soapbox, more appearances by Kate McKinnon as Ellen, please!

CBS sez… No bare fleshy under curves allowed!

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Reuters is reporting that America’s Most Watched NetworkTM doesn’t want to be caught with its pants down at the Grammys—and that goes for its performers, too!  In an email entitled “55th GRAMMYS: Standard And Practice Wardrobe Advisory” that was reportedly sent to all attendees, The Eye in the Sky lays down the law, explicitly stating that the following are not permitted:

  • buttocks and female breasts (must be “adequately covered”)
  • thong type costumes (considered “problematic”)
  • bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack (“please avoid exposing”)
  • bare sides or under curvature of the breasts (“also problematic”)
  • sheer see-through clothing that could  possibly expose female breast nipples (are male breast nipples OK, then?)
  • visible “puffy” bare skin exposure (not sure about this one, but it apparently has to do with the “genital region”)
  • commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts (what about on hoodies?)
  • Foreign language on wardrobe (unless it’s been cleared… calisse de tabarnak!)
  • OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST (WE!!!! CANNOT!!!! STRESS THIS!!!! ENOUGH!!!!!11110)
  • any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe—which “would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory”

 Aaaaaand there goes any reason I had to watch the Grammys! :(

MOVIES THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: The Blues Brothers (1980)

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They just don’t make ‘em like this anymore.  Arguably the greatest musical action dramady of all time (it’s definitely the best bluesical ever), this 1980 oeuvre featured an all-star cast with such luminaries as Cab Calloway, James Brown, John Lee Hooker, Aretha Franklin and Ray Charles, and an outstanding backing band including the likes of Steve Cropper and Donald “Duck” Dunn.  Oh yeah, and Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi were also in this picture, too.

Sure, this movie’s got plenty of blues, soul and R’nB, but there’s more to it than that.  Although some of the special effects look a little cheesy some 30+ years later (ie the Illinois Nazis’ falling car or when Belushi “sees the light”), the chase scenes and action sequences are simply timeless.  I mean, the producers actually found an abandoned shopping mall, restocked and refurbished it, only to drive two cop cruisers and the Bluesmobile through the stores, completely trashing the place.  And those cars in the mall parking lot?  All brand-new, straight off the lot.  (There’s a reason why they didn’t hit ‘em!)  Yeah, I might have watched the special features a couple times…

This movie also delivers its share of comedy, with the rambunctious physical humour of Belushi duking it out with Aykroyd’s dead-pan wit.  And who can forget the hilarious one-liners, from “One soiled” to the omnipresent “We’re on a mission from God” to my personal favourite, “We got both kinds; country and western.”  I once used a modified version of the latter to respond to a request for reggae on my radio show.  “Dude, I play both kinds of music; stoner and doom!” ;)

What with all the belly-laughs, high-speed hijinks and groovy tunes, one hardly notices this movie is nearly two and a half hours long.  In fact, The Blues Brothers‘ official run-time is some 20 minutes shorter than the theatrical version of Clint Eastwood’s epic The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.  Hey, I always did like Clint, but he never survived Bob’s Country Bunker…

HOW IT CHANGED MY LIFE: One cannot help but be inspired by this uplifting tale.  Alas, when I put on my first major concert, I tried to hire a bunch of orphans to pass out flyers.  In 1980, that meant a packed house.  These days, it’s considered child abuse.  Oh, how the music business has changed!  Sadly, I do believe that Aretha’s the only one of the performing legends who’s still with us today.  (Aside from Dan Aykroyd, that is.)  Must be all those fried chickens… and a Coke. ;)

Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher? That’s a bit of a reach…

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When I first started seeing the trailers for this new Jack Reacher movie starring Tom Cruise, I thought the whole thing seemed rather silly.  Cruise hardly looks like the badass, tough-guy, judge-jury-and-executioner type portrayed in the previews.  As I remarked on Twitter at the time, Sly Stallone might be the same height, but at least he has the (steroid-enhanced) muscles.  Cruise, lest we forget, got his big break as a pretty-boy high-school pimp in Risky Business, and his biggest action role, Top Gun, was as a fighter pilot.  Hey, you can’t exactly stick Schwarzenegger in a cockpit…

Mind you, I wasn’t initially aware that the movie was based on a book, and that the character is the hero of a series of novels written by Lee Child.  On his website, the author seemingly suggests that Cruise isn’t right for the role, either.  It says here that Reacher is 6’5” and weighs between 220 and 250 pounds.  Even with Stallone’s workout regime and all kinds of trick camera angles, Hollywood would have a hard time making Maverick look the part.

Suffice to say, fans of the Child novels are none too happy with Cruise playing the protagonist.  The L.A. Times has compiled a host of angry comments from back in July, when they first covered the casting choice.  Some of these are pretty good.  Here are a few choice cuts:

“I can not believe they actually used an arrogant overexposed short IMBECILE to create such an awesome character. I will not see it and it literally RUINED the whole character for me. HOW COULD THEY DO THIS?”

“‘Tom Cruise? He’d be a perfect Jack Reacher!’ said no one ever…”

“I am so upset that they chose Tom to play this role. I will not pay money to see this movie, either. Get a real man to play that role and I will be the first in line to see that movie.”

Me, I think I’ll probably go see Django Unchained instead…

So, it seems DSK: The Musical is a little flat… (Singing not included!?)

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Last summer, it was hard not to get caught up in the salacious scandal surrounding Dominique Strauss-Kahn—particularly if you followed the French media.  It got to the point where if a French news site wasn’t running live, updating coverage of the Sofitel trial, it probably wasn’t receiving very many hits.  And yet, about a year and a half later, nobody really seems to care—even in France, where a Parisian play called Suite 2806 is playing to half-empty houses.  As The Associated Press reports, “What was once a salacious story that provoked fascination on both sides of the Atlantic with its mix of sex, money and power has somehow ended up as a drama that’s dull as dishwater.” 

And, despite “substantial press coverage” (surprise, surprise), it seems to have found disfavour amongst critics and theatre-goers alike.  “We’ve read about this DSK thing so much, what else can be said that’s new? It was boring,” one theatre-goer, who admitted to falling asleep during the play, told the AP.

Truth be told, Suite 2806 doesn’t technically tell the tale of what happened in that Sofitel hotel room—which is really anyone’s guess, beyond the two individuals involved.  As a matter of fact, the play can’t even use their names, although its Daniel Weissberg and housekeeper Evangeline bear a striking resemblance to those faces from the news.  And it would appear that its dialogue is pretty ham-fisted too, “highlighted by lines like “It’s in the nature of things: ‘Men dominate women’ and ‘Prostitution is the essence of a woman,’” as per the AP.

So maybe the play’s a dud, but it’s apparently not the only artistic portrayal of the Sofitel affair to be met with a giant sigh.  The AP notes that “even a proposed film with French box-office golden boy Gerard Depardieu in the leading role was cancelled after French producers got cold feet.”  Hmm, was that before or after he escaped to Belgium?