Season Three of Storage Wars (re)starts tonight, which would normally be cause for celebration in the Casa del Espantoso (sadly, gruesome doesn’t have a more direct Spanish translation)–but I’m not really feeling it this time around. I mean, I sat through two years and three (almost) full seasons of the storage-locker auction showdown, but I just can’t get up for it anymore. Y’see, in the interim, a new reality show has taken its place in my viewing schedule, and I just don’t think Dave Hester, Darrell Sheets, Jarrod and Brandi have what it takes to beat Ink Master anymore.
I mean let’s face it, Storage Wars has descended into petty squabbles, bickering and overbidding of late. Each of these newly-crowned reality-show superstars wants to throw his wallet around while tossing out lame put-downs like it’s 1994. Whatever, dude. They then take whatever items they find to be appraised–the ones that they don’t simply assign a nominal value to–and are awarded “profit points” based on what they’re told an item is worth. Never mind that they don’t see a red cent until they actually sell the thing; that’s just not what the show’s about.
In fact, the show’s focus seems to have changed over the years. It used to be about finding all these great items buried under a pile of crap, but now it’s “You won’t believe what Darrell said about Dave on this week’s show!” I dunno man, but all this overblown, whiny, “my wallet is bigger than your wallet” drama has worn on me already. In fact, I haven’t watched a single re-run episode since last season ended, or went on hiatus, or whatever you wanna call it. Now if they did a prime-time special about Brandi Passante’s legal drama, I’d probably tune in to that, though…
On the other hand, the Ink Master competition takes a little more talent than the ability to yell “Yuuup” the loudest. These artists must show their versatility by tattooing in a variety of styles, with the worst example in each weekly challenge getting someone sent home. (Sadly, Storage Wars can’t just eliminate Dave Hester…) Sure, like I’ve said before, giving the winner of the weekly flash challenge the ability to assign the human canvasses does add a little more drama, but at this point in the competition, the biggest drama queens (Clint, Kay Kutta) have already been sent home. Here’s hoping that Sarah’s next. Her bitching is worse than Darell on a day he gets outbid for everything!