August 24th is bound to be a sad day for chronic masturbators in the West End, as the Metro Theatre, Toronto’s lone remaining porn palace according to the CBC (funny, I can think of a couple on Yonge St), will be opening its doors to “indie, art house and foreign films” four nights a week. “I hope this will become the independent art house cinema in the west of Toronto,” said Jonathan Hlibka, one of two entrepreneurs looking to clean the place up.
Apparently, the Bloor St W cinema started out as an independent picture-house before it was purchased by its current owners in 1978. They’ve reportedly had it on the block for about a decade, but with an asking price of $3.8-million, they’ve yet to find any takers. Enter Hlibka and business partner Nadia Sandhu, who hope to increase interest in the 1930’s theatre by cleaning the place up—no small task, mind you. “The carpet will be ripped out and the seats re-covered,” the CBC reports, noting that dirty movies will continue to be shown in the afternoon for chronically unemployed masturbators. “We’re coming up with a really detailed sterilization process,” Sandhu said.
The Metro’s new beginning commences with a screening of Irish film Snap on the 24th, with a full slate of art-house programming to begin in September. I don’t suppose they can get Fred Willard to fly out for the premiere—he’s still on probation, isn’t he?