Tag Archives: Brandi Passante

Storage Wars, you do not have what it takes to beat Ink Master. Pack up your units and leave!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Season Three of Storage Wars (re)starts tonight, which would normally be cause for celebration in the Casa del Espantoso (sadly, gruesome doesn’t have a more direct Spanish translation)–but I’m not really feeling it this time around.  I mean, I sat through two years and three (almost) full seasons of the storage-locker auction showdown, but I just can’t get up for it anymore.  Y’see, in the interim, a new reality show has taken its place in my viewing schedule, and I just don’t think Dave Hester, Darrell Sheets, Jarrod and Brandi have what it takes to beat Ink Master anymore.

I mean let’s face it, Storage Wars has descended into petty squabbles, bickering and overbidding of late.  Each of these newly-crowned reality-show superstars wants to throw his wallet around while tossing out lame put-downs like it’s 1994.  Whatever, dude.  They then take whatever items they find to be appraised–the ones that they don’t simply assign a nominal value to–and are awarded “profit points” based on what they’re told an item is worth.  Never mind that they don’t see a red cent until they actually sell the thing; that’s just not what the show’s about.

In fact, the show’s focus seems to have changed over the years.  It used to be about finding all these great items buried under a pile of crap, but now it’s “You won’t believe what Darrell said about Dave on this week’s show!”  I dunno man, but all this overblown, whiny, “my wallet is bigger than your wallet” drama has worn on me already.  In fact, I haven’t watched a single re-run episode since last season ended, or went on hiatus, or whatever you wanna call it.  Now if they did a prime-time special about Brandi Passante’s legal drama, I’d probably tune in to that, though…

On the other hand, the Ink Master competition takes a little more talent than the ability to yell “Yuuup” the loudest.  These artists must show their versatility by tattooing in a variety of styles, with the worst example in each weekly challenge getting someone sent home.  (Sadly, Storage Wars can’t just eliminate Dave Hester…)  Sure, like I’ve said before, giving the winner of the weekly flash challenge the ability to assign the human canvasses does add a little more drama, but at this point in the competition, the biggest drama queens (Clint, Kay Kutta) have already been sent home.  Here’s hoping that Sarah’s next.  Her bitching is worse than Darell on a day he gets outbid for everything!

But wait, what’s this?  Storage Wars airs at 9 (and 9:30) now, while Ink Master doesn’t start till 10?  Oooh, but that’s the same time as New Girl (and The Mindy Project).  Oh-oh, better get TiVo…

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ATTN MILF Hunters: No, that isn’t Brandi Passante. Oh, and your computer’s now infected…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Just when it seemed I had finally received confirmation of the Storage Wars starlet’s sordid past, it turns out those nude pics were fake.  In fact, they were so fake that Brandi Passante is suing to have them destroyed.  As Reuters reported on Devil’s Night, Brandi “filed suit in U.S. District Court in Central California last week against Hunter Moore, former operator of the website Is Anyone Up, claiming that he published fake photos and video purporting to depict Passante in pornographic situations.”

Note to would-be porn-site moguls: if you’re going to post fake nudes of a semi-celebrity, tweeting them about it might not be such a good idea.  The lawsuit reportedly states “Passante first became aware that there were fake porn images of her floating around on the web earlier this month, when she received a tweet reading, ‘Love the pics’ from Is Anyone Up’s Twitter account.”  Y’see, the difference between semi-celebrities and actual famous people is that the former actually check their Twitter feeds…

But wait, there’s more.  According to Reuters, “Moore later posted the video to porn-friendly website Fleshbot.com, the suit claims, adding that when users clicked on the video, a virus immediately began to download onto their computers.”  Rumour has it the virus caused infected computers to overbid for items on EBay, with an annoying “Yuuup!” sound playing on their machines after each successful bid.  Dave Hester could not be reached for comment.

Meanwhile, Passante is pulling no punches in her legal pursuit.  She’s reportedly “seeking all available damages, plus attorney’s fees, and a judgment to impound and destroy and (sic) computers, servers or other equipment owned by Moore that contains the pictures and videos.”  Gee, she couldn’t just confiscate those computers instead?  I’m sure they’d look great in her store! ;)

Finally, another new episode of Storage Wars on A&E!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

 

After several weeks of reruns, A&E has finally blessed us with a brand-new episode of Storage Wars, airing tonite at the odd time of 9:30 ET.  As I suspected, the network has a new program to promote–a prison break/fugitive drama called Breakout Kings, which airs immediately afterwards.  Can’t say I’ll be watching it.

As for the straight goods, Zap2It offers the following episode summary for Season 2, Episode 33, entitled Highland Kings: “Darrell plays a hunch in Highland, Calif., while Jarrod and Brandi experience royal pains.”  I have no idea what that means, but I’m guessing that Jarrod and Brandi find some royal artifacts, while Darrell is just being Darrell.  No mention of Dave Hester, however.  Hmm, can you say Nooope?

Man, the Storage Auction Hunter Wars are really heating up these days!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Back when I first professed my love for Storage Auction TV shows, my routine was pretty straight-forward.  “Auction Hunters” was on Tuesday, and “Storage Wars” aired on Wednesday, with all-nite marathons of each program being the norm.  However, as the two shows entered a new season, A&E decided to up the ante by moving its cash cow to Tuesday nites, going head-to-head with Spike’s auction show.  The latter countered by giving away a million bucks (on the eve of its rival’s premiere, anyways) and introducing a new show, “Flip Men,” in its 10:30 slot.

If you haven’t seen “Flip Men,” well, it seems that Spike scoured the country to find a pair of house flippers who look exactly like Allen Haff and Ton Jones.  Mike Baird is the geeky, know-it-all businessman/real estate agent, while Doug Clark is the brawn of the operation, a dude who can rip down a deck with his bare hands.  While a show about flipping houses isn’t all that exciting, each week they find a way to up the ante.  It’s like one week, we had a guy who didn’t wanna leave his stuff behind in foreclosed home, so the next time, we’ll have a squatter.  We’ve already done the Mexican gang-occupied house, so this week, we’ll buy a house where somebody got shot.  That kinda thing.  Mind you, the squatter episode didn’t really live up to the hype, so I’m keeping my expectations in check from now on.

“Auction Hunters” have sorta upped the ante in their own right, with episodes like their L.A. homecoming, where they banked five-figure profits on just two units.  Which brings me back to my initial question: with both the Auction Hunters and the Storage Wars crews circling the same turf, isn’t it just a matter of time before they’re forced to do battle?  I wonder which network will score the rights to that epic event.  (Mind you, I think Dave and Jarrod would just raise the bidding on all the units, leaving Allen and Ton empty-handed.)

As for Storage Wars, well, this season seems to have brought out the extremes in its stars’ personalities.  Darrell is becoming more and more of a grumpy old man (I liked his god-awful Godfather impression there), Dave becomes more of a jackass with each episode while Jarrod’s ego grows by the minute–and is it just me, or have Brandi’s boobs gotten bigger, too?  Meanwhile, Barry continues to throw his money at any unit with a trunk in it, and while he brings character to the show, it’s gotten to the point where I’m almost begging him not to bid.  I guess I’m more like Darrell–or more like Allen and Ton, for that matter–if I can’t double my money, I’m walking away.  Perhaps Barry’s philosophy should be “If I can’t make back my money, time to stop bidding.”  How much cash does that guy have, anyways!?

By the way, I’d love to see Mark Balelo make another appearance after his “$13,000 Nintendo” purchase.  I could use a laugh.  Am I the only one who thinks that some of the regulars are also overvaluing their items–Dave Hester in particular?  Mind you, no one’s been as bad as Mark when it comes to throwing money away…

Bottom line, I’d rather work with the Auction Hunters, but when it comes to prime-time drama, give me Storage Wars any day!  I’ll just hafta catch up with Allen and Ton during their next marathon on Spike.

Did Brandi Passante really used to strip at a club name-dropped by Motley Crue?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

It seems that several people on the interweb are wondering the same thing: How did Brandi, every storage auction fan’s favourite MILF, end up with a loser like Jarrod?  Well, after that “Storage Wars Unlocked” episode where Jarrod told the awkward story of how they met, some people say they’re convinced that they both worked at a strip club.  In fact, some random dude on Wikianswers says he used to get table dances from her in the late 90s at Seventh Vail.  Well, turns out that buddy can’t spell, but Seventh Veil is indeed a Sunset Blvd strip club that’s still around today.

Apparently, it used to be a pretty happening place in the 80′s.  Motley Crue even mentions it in the second chorus of “Girls, Girls, Girls”–though it’s not the club that appears in the video…

Girls, Girls, Girls
At the Dollhouse in Ft. Lauderdale
Girls, Girls. Girls
Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails
Girls, Girls, Girls
Raising Hell at the Seventh Veil

However, judging by the recent reviews, it’s not such a hot spot nowadays.  One might even say it’s stuck in the 80′s, as the old-school posters outside would confirm.  An in-depth review by LAist.com, entitled The Least Exciting Strip Club in Hollywood, really sheds some light on what a lame, boring place it’s become.  I also wasn’t aware that you couldn’t drink alcohol at strip clubs in the States–sounds like you’d hafta tie a few on for those ladies to appear attractive.

That said, I could definitely picture Jarrod as the guy yelling “These girls aren’t up there for nothing! Get those wallets out!”–but Brandi isn’t what I’d call a “sweaty, stretch-marked,  sub-human,” not by any stretch.  Thus, I remained unconvinced that she stripped for money until I see some pics.  If you wanna prove me wrong, please feel free to send ‘em my way. ;)