The bitter taste of victory…

With the addition of the expansion Ottawa REDBLACKS!!!!, I needed to find a new beer to associate with the new team for my CFL drinking game.  So I took to Twitter, where some Rough Riders related account suggested I try Dinner Jacket O’Red IPA from Arch Brewing Co.  Hey, it has an O for Ottawa and the word “red” in its name, and it comes in a black can adorned with the kind of outfit that Gros Jos would wear.  (FYI, their mascot’s French name translates to Big Tits.  No, really!)  And it’s brewed in Thunder Bay, so I can get it at the LCBO–although the closest three LCBOs were all sold out.  Still, I was kinda hoping to try this brew, and when Ottawa finally scored a touchdown on an extremely penalty-aided drive, I was compelled to crack one open:


Now for me, the idea of a strong red IPA is basically bad news.  While I do like red beer, I much prefer the smoother taste of a pilsner or the light, citrusy flavour of a wheat beer.  IPAs are just too bitter and hoppy for my liking…and this one, well, it tasted like an IPA.  Mind you, it wasn’t quite the sour-grapefruit flavour of Crazy Canuck, with the red adding a bit of smokiness to balance out the hops.  And at 6.3%, it’s not quite Maudite, but it certainly hits you harder than, say, Molson Canadian.  I’m not drunk or anything, but I have been singing “Pretzel bun, I hope you feeeel it too!” throughout the night…

Anyways, since Calgary won big, I’ve still got a few of these left in the fridge; but the next time they play Ottawa, I’ll probably stick with Rickard’s Red or something.  That won’t be until next season, mind you–I’ll be heading up to The City That Sleeps at 7:30 for the rematch in a couple weeks. ;)

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So much for the smooth, easy-drinking taste…

Molson Coors Canada has issued a recall for its Molson Canadian Cider beverages due to an unexpected ingredient.  As per the CFIA, “The Canadian Food Inspection Agency (CFIA) and Molson Coors Canada are warning the public not to consume the Molson Canadian Cider described below because this product may contain harmful glass fragments.”  As opposed to those harmless, cute and cuddly glass fragments found on playgrounds, I presume.

The CFIA and Molson have recalled both individual and six-packs of glass bottles as a precautionary measure.  But don’t worry, you can still get it on tap at Toronto’s hottest club, Why Would You Drink That!?  This place has everything; Lakeport Pilsener, Old Vagina, Coors Light Ice Tea…

Speaking of which, the CFIA has yet to issue a recall on Coors Light Ice Tea, because it tastes terrible.  Still waiting on that one.

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Canadian cell phone service providers—buying this guy beers since 1996!


The CRTC announced a new wireless code of conduct today, effective December 2nd, which would (among other things) allow consumers to break their three-year contracts without penalty after two years and cap international roaming charges at 100 bucks a month.  That said, the new code still does nothing to address those ridiculous roaming charges per megabyte…


Sooo, under the new code, this guy would only need to receive about a dozen beers a month to break even!  (Methinks another Rogers rate hike oughtta do the trick.)

This just in: You CAN buy Old Style Pilsner in Ontario!

One of the most-read posts on this blog is an ode to Old Style Pilsner I composed some 14 months ago.  Granted, it’s not in the top 10 or top 20–but rather near the bottom of the top 40.  Even still, some 265 people (and counting) have come to this site trying to find out where to buy Old Style Pilsner in Ontario.  And until very recently, the answer was nowhere.

But that all changed sometime earlier this month.  Though I can’t find an announcement anywhere, The Beer Store now lists Pil amongst its products, with 15 cans currently on sale for 21 bucks.  They also sell bottles, albeit only in 24s.  You do not wanna drink 24 of those beers, though, trust me!

Now, I’m not sure whether demand was driven by a recent influx of Saskies to The Centre of the Known Universe, or perhaps a resurgence in popularity of the Canadian cult classic FUBAR and its sequel, FUBAR II.  Hey, maybe all those hits on my blog had something to do with it.  In any case, I’ll no longer hafta drink the bitter Czech semi-doppleganger whenever the Riders penetrate the Stampeder defence this summer–though it seems I’ll need to schlep down to Gerard and Seaton to get it. :(

With a winning lottery ticket—and 130 dollars—you can buy one bottle of Sam Adams in New Brunswick…

Now, I’ve had some eight- and nine-per-cent beers from Quebec, but I can’t imagine how a 27-per-cent beer must taste.  But according to the CBC, “The 54-proof Samuel Adams Utopias is among the strongest beers in the world. One 24-ounce bottle packs as much alcohol as a 12-pack of Bud Light.”  Pfft, who drinks one Bud Light, much less 12 of them?

That said, not everybody can quaff Sam’s Utopia, either.  For one thing, there’s a very limited supply.  And then there’s the hefty price tag—to the tune of $115 in Ontario, and $130 in New Brunswick.  But despite the princely sum, the LCBO’s stock sold out faster than a KISS concert a couple months ago.  So in the Loyalist Province, they’ve put up their meagre shipment up for grabs in a lottery.  Only the lucky winners don’t get a million dollars, or even a new car, but rather the privilege to pay KISS-concert prices for one bottle of beer.  Calling Dr. Love…

Apparently, with just 12 bottles available, several golden ticketholders will be going home empty-handed—or at least with a less-expensive beer.  “As of [Friday] morning we’re nearing 300 [entrants] and we expect that to rise,” a NB Liquor spokeswoman told the CBC.  Then again, as one CBC commenter remarks, “I’d rather get the enjoyment from the 72 regular beer you could buy for the same money.”  Wait, you can buy 72 beers for $130 in New Brunswick!?  As long as we’re not talking Lakeport here, I might consider moving.

In any case, I hope NB Liquor keeps its high-volume dozen in safer cases than a certain lakefront LCBO.  I mean, the cops never caught that guy in the Burberry shirt, did they?  (Methinks there might not be a lotta scotch left by the time they do…)

This just in: A bit of beer makes you a happy camper!

In another study for which I clearly missed the casting call, researchers at Indiana University found that “dopamine levels increased in men who consumed such a small amount of beer that the chemical boost could not be explained by the presence of alcohol,” according to CTV News.  The study, which tested 49 male subjects using a PET scan to see how much they liked Pierre Trudeau—and also to measure their happiness—found that a mere 15 ml of beer consumed over 15 minutes was enough to spike their dopamine.  Pfft, lightweights!

On the other hand, the study found that administering an equal dose of Gatorade had no positive effect.  Somewhere, Michael Jordan must be crying into a million-dollar bill.  On a generally more depressing note, researchers noted “the dopamine boost was more pronounced in the men who reported a family history of alcohol addiction.”  And if a little thimble of booze is all it takes to make an alcoholic happy, imagine how ecstatic they’ll be after 24 beers!

10 REASONS TO SEE MY STANDUP SHOW THIS SUNDAY: 6. There are no major sporting events occurring at this date and time. Don’t you need a reason to drink beer?

In case you didn’t know, I’m doing a standup show at Absolute Comedy on Sunday, March 3rd at 3 pm (more info here).  I’m new to this whole live comedy thing, but I’ve been taking classes at Second City, and I reckon I’m getting ‘er rather good.  In case the everyday humorous content on my blog doesn’t convince you that my five-minute act is worth your five dollars, I’ll be giving you 10 more reasons to see my show over the next 10 days.  Here’s another one…

10. My act’s got more balls than Lance Armstrong, more legs than Oscar Pistorius, more hair than Rob Halford!

9. Absolute Comedy is conveniently located near Eglinton Station for your TTCing pleasure

8. The menu at Absolute doesn’t contain confusing Italian words like “pasta,” “calamari” or “bottiglia.”

7. Rob Ford gives it a “Respect for Taxpayers” and a “Stop the Gravy Train!”

6. There are no major sporting events occurring at this date and time.  Don’t you need a reason to drink beer?

March Madness is not for a couple weeks, and the Super Bowl already happened, man.  In fact, the only televised sporting events airing Sunday, March 3rd at 3 pm are PGA Tour Golf, ACC Basketball and the Federal Liberal Leadership Debate.  Hey, if you like to get sloshed in your basement watching Trudeau and Garneau go at it, well… you’re even worse than I am!  Besides, they’re only competing to be the leader of the second opposition party in the House of Commons, right?

Meanwhile, Absolute Comedy offers a varied selection of draught and bottled beer, including Steamwhistle, Keiths, Keiths Red, Stella, Heineken, Corona, MGD, Canadian, Budweiser and real man’s beer–Coors Light!  In case you run out of it at home, that is. ;)

Amateur Sunday Afternoon @ Absolute Comedy, 2335 Yonge St, Sunday, March 3rd. $5. Doors @ 2:30, show starts @ 3 pm.