What wars will A&E wage next?

Tonite, A&E debuts its new show Shipping Wars in between new episodes of Storage Wars and Storage Wars Texas.  This after a Parking Wars marathon on Sunday.  Hmm, I wonder what other reality shows with the word “Wars” might be in development…

American Hogger Wars: Not only do they fight wild hogs, but they also fight each other.  In a steel cage match.  With no disqualifications!

Antique Wars: Inside the cut-throat world of antiquing!  You won’t believe the look on their faces when they uncover a 6,000-year-old dresser!

Grocery Wars: Who can get the lowest price on produce?  How old is that muffin, really?  All this and more on a new episode of Grocery Wars, starring Barry Weiss!

Robot Wars: Join us each week as killer robots do battle in the pit of death!  (This may or may not have been done already…)

Nuclear Wars: Step inside an F-35 bomber and see the U.S. Air Force Ba-Ba-Ba Ba-Bomb Iran!*

*pending results of the 2012 presidential election.

On a related note, it’s too bad I don’t live in Orange County.  This musta been a bitchin’ party last week!

($3 Kamikazes!?  Yuuup!)

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Storage Wars Texas: Same great show, new low prices!

Seeing as Storage Wars is my favourite show on TV, you know I tuned in to the premiere of Storage Wars Texas tonite.  Is it just me, or did they intentionally cast the same characters as they found for the flagship program?  I’m not suggesting this show is scripted, but they clearly made an effort to find a buncha doppelgangers when deciding who they wanted to follow in the Lone Star State.

Moe Prigoff is definitely this show’s Barry Weiss.  A flashy dresser who pulled up to the auction in a slick black Cadillac.  Only difference is that while Barry was some guy the producers pulled in to spice up the original, this dude is an antique store owner who knows his shit.  I mean, he banked over 12 grand in profits in the premiere.  He also seems to like using the word Fabulous.  A lot.  Yeah, he’s not gay…

Victor Rjesnjansky is clearly the Texas version of Dave Hester.  While he doesn’t pull up in a truck with his catch phrase on it, he’s already established himself as this show’s heel.  The dude’s from Long Island, and messes with Texas every chance he gets.  Plus, according to the A&E website, he owns not one, but two stores.  He’s obviously gonna be the guy you love to hate.

(Speaking of which, was I the only one who laughed his ass off when Dave dropped that “antique snuff box” on tonite’s episode of Storage Wars?  Nope, didn’t think so!)

Ricky Smith is clearly the ol’ dog of the bunch.  Him and his nephew Bubba are the Darrell and Brandon Sheets of this show–supersized, mind you, and crossed with the family from American Hoggers.  Hey, everything’s bigger in Texas, right?  You can already see a rivalry brewing between these guys and “Slick Vick,” based on some of the back-and-forth we’ve seen tonite.  Does Bubba have a Twitter account?  (Brandon is the only Storage Wars cast member to follow me back, BTW.)

Finally, Lesa Lewis and Jerry Simpson take on the role of Jarrod and Brandy for the purposes of this program, except that they’re not an interracial couple.  Also, the roles seem to be reversed.  She’s the impulsive buyer, while he seems to have more common sense.  They own a new second-hand store that they need to buy items for, though they came up empty-handed in the premiere.  I can already tell that Jerry’s gonna bring some Afro-American sass to this show that the flagship is missing.  I’d probably follow him on Twitter, too…

Although the song remains the same with this spinoff, what I find refreshing is that the units aren’t going for an arm and a leg, which allows the bidders to make some big profits.  Nowadays, the original Storage Wars is all about feuds and rivalries, with units usually going from 1,500 to 2-grand plus when Dave, Jarrod and sometimes Darrell decide to bust out their wallets.  On this version, the units seem to go from 250-500, which allows the lucky winners to pull in Auction Hunters-sized profits, like Moe did this week.  I guess everything’s bigger in Texas–except for the unit prices!

GUILTY PLEASURES: Storage Auction TV Shows

Twas on a lazy Sunday afternoon a couple months ago, while flipping channels between innings of a Jays game, that I came across a Storage Wars marathon on A&E — and but a couple weeks later, under similar circumstances, that I found myself watching an Auction Hunters marathon on Spike.  I don’t usually turn on the TV unless it’s to watch sports, but I gotta say, I am hooked on storage auction shows!

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, well, the intro to Auction Hunters pretty much sums it up.  (Check out this video from 0:40 to 1:30.)  “Every day in America, thousands of abandoned storage units are put up for public auction.  These auctions have become big business for those who know what to look for…”

Auction Hunters follows two guys, Alan Haff, a geeky son of a used car dealer and an antique salesman who can spot valuable items from afar and Ton Jones, a dude who lives up to his name, with a thing for guns.  These guys are real pros, who travel the country, storm other buyers’ turf and walk away with some cool items, which they flip for big profits.  Honestly, I’m a little disappointed when they’ve made less than 5,000 dollars at the end of an episode–they often make five figures by reselling stuff they find in old lockers.

Storage Wars takes a different approach by focusing on an ensemble cast of “regulars” on the California storage auction scene.  You’ve got Dave Hester, the self-made man, owner of a large second-hand store, who’s a bit of a prick.  He’s known for his distinctive “Yep!” — and for always outbidding the competition.

Darrell Sheets (and son) is a longtime auction buyer who’s made a small fortune in stuff he’s sold outta storage lockers.  He’s always in search of the “Wow Factor” — the unusual, yet valuable items people leave behind.

Barry Weiss is an older gentleman who is quite the character.  He’s already made his fortune (though I don’t think we’ve ever been told how he got rich) and is strictly into the Storage Wars to find interesting items for his own collection.  He often wears colourful outfits and brings along “helpers” like a psychic and a midget to throw off the competition.

Finally, you have Jarrod and Brandi, the auction n00bs.  The married couple owns a small store in Orange County, which they stock up with items they buy at auctions.  Drama ensues when they disagree on the price of a unit or when Jarrod tries to go mano a mano with Dave Hester, despite not having as much money.  If their marriage ever breaks down, Brandi shouldn’t have too much trouble finding a new partner.  “She’s a fox!” as Wayne Campbell would say (or was that Austin Powers?).

As you can see, these two reality shows about the exact same thing are different enough that one can enjoy both.  What draws me to each one is the thrill of the find, which is something I can relate to.  Last weekend, I unearthed some pretty cool gems out of massive, disorganized piles of vinyl records, and while I didn’t have to outbid anyone for them, I’ve been honing the haggling skills I’ve picked up from the two shows against scalpers and at garage sales.  I’d like to think that I drive a pretty mean bargain, albeit not as mean as Ton Jones.

The Auction Hunters are in Vegas tonite, where there’s always some interesting stuff to be found.  I’ll put the over/under on their profits at $8,500.

UPDATE 10:32: The boys got two units tonite for the sweet low price of 320 dollars, and flipped the contents for a whopping $4,750!  Shoulda bet the under… ;)

The TV Guide description for tomorrow’s Storage Wars has me excited: “Darrell speculates that Dave has gone broke.”  Shit’s going down, son!  Followed by an hour-long special, “Storage Wars: Unlocked” featuring highlights from this season and a preview of Storage Wars: Dallas.  That’s right, they’re coming out with another storage auction show.  Imma hafta clear my calendar!

Auction Hunters airs 10 pm Tuesdays on Spike.

Storage Wars usually airs back-to-back new episodes, starting at 10 pm, Wednesdays on A&E.