Man, the Storage Auction Hunter Wars are really heating up these days!

Back when I first professed my love for Storage Auction TV shows, my routine was pretty straight-forward.  “Auction Hunters” was on Tuesday, and “Storage Wars” aired on Wednesday, with all-nite marathons of each program being the norm.  However, as the two shows entered a new season, A&E decided to up the ante by moving its cash cow to Tuesday nites, going head-to-head with Spike’s auction show.  The latter countered by giving away a million bucks (on the eve of its rival’s premiere, anyways) and introducing a new show, “Flip Men,” in its 10:30 slot.

If you haven’t seen “Flip Men,” well, it seems that Spike scoured the country to find a pair of house flippers who look exactly like Allen Haff and Ton Jones.  Mike Baird is the geeky, know-it-all businessman/real estate agent, while Doug Clark is the brawn of the operation, a dude who can rip down a deck with his bare hands.  While a show about flipping houses isn’t all that exciting, each week they find a way to up the ante.  It’s like one week, we had a guy who didn’t wanna leave his stuff behind in foreclosed home, so the next time, we’ll have a squatter.  We’ve already done the Mexican gang-occupied house, so this week, we’ll buy a house where somebody got shot.  That kinda thing.  Mind you, the squatter episode didn’t really live up to the hype, so I’m keeping my expectations in check from now on.

“Auction Hunters” have sorta upped the ante in their own right, with episodes like their L.A. homecoming, where they banked five-figure profits on just two units.  Which brings me back to my initial question: with both the Auction Hunters and the Storage Wars crews circling the same turf, isn’t it just a matter of time before they’re forced to do battle?  I wonder which network will score the rights to that epic event.  (Mind you, I think Dave and Jarrod would just raise the bidding on all the units, leaving Allen and Ton empty-handed.)

As for Storage Wars, well, this season seems to have brought out the extremes in its stars’ personalities.  Darrell is becoming more and more of a grumpy old man (I liked his god-awful Godfather impression there), Dave becomes more of a jackass with each episode while Jarrod’s ego grows by the minute–and is it just me, or have Brandi’s boobs gotten bigger, too?  Meanwhile, Barry continues to throw his money at any unit with a trunk in it, and while he brings character to the show, it’s gotten to the point where I’m almost begging him not to bid.  I guess I’m more like Darrell–or more like Allen and Ton, for that matter–if I can’t double my money, I’m walking away.  Perhaps Barry’s philosophy should be “If I can’t make back my money, time to stop bidding.”  How much cash does that guy have, anyways!?

By the way, I’d love to see Mark Balelo make another appearance after his “$13,000 Nintendo” purchase.  I could use a laugh.  Am I the only one who thinks that some of the regulars are also overvaluing their items–Dave Hester in particular?  Mind you, no one’s been as bad as Mark when it comes to throwing money away…

Bottom line, I’d rather work with the Auction Hunters, but when it comes to prime-time drama, give me Storage Wars any day!  I’ll just hafta catch up with Allen and Ton during their next marathon on Spike.

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A few views on last nite’s Storage Wars

Storage Wars is now officially my favourite show on television.  Not since Les Invincibles went off the air a couple years back has there been a show that I’d make plans around.  If your band’s playing a gig on Wednesday, I won’t be there, cuz I’ll be watching Storage Wars.  (Coincidentally, I think Les Invincibles also aired on Wednesdays at one point…)

Though I also like Auction Hunters, it’s a show you watch to be wowed by how much money these guys are making.  Storage Wars is more about the personal stories, the drama that goes on between characters—as well as the profits earned on storage lockers.  That’s why I’m hooked.  Anyways, there were a few things about last nite’s episodes that I wanted to share my thoughts on, namely:

  1. The Auction Hunters wouldn’t win anything on Storage Wars.  These guys are consummate professionals; they assess the value of a locker, set a price limit, and never exceed it.  There have been times when a locker has gone to someone else for exactly their limit, but they won’t raise the bid, not even by a dollar.  On Storage Wars, you have Jarrod throwing money recklessly at any locker that catches his eye and Dave using his wallet to intimidate people by driving up the bids.  I think that Darrell is cut from the same cloth as Allen Haff and Ton Jones, and that’s why he’s gone home empty-handed more often than not this season.
  2. Barry might soon be done for.  After losing money on crappy lockers on back-to-back episodes, he seemed pretty down.  I know the guy only does this for a hobby, and he’s already rich, but if he doesn’t make a big score soon, I dunno if he’ll make it through the season.  Then again, I could be wrong.  He seems to like the attention of the TV cameras.
  3. Dave Hester really enjoys being the bad guy.  I tweeted last nite about how he’s like a good wrestling heel: he enjoys it when people boo him, and he’s good at getting under the “good guys’” skin.  These past couple episodes have really proven my theory, with him bidding on stuff he doesn’t want just to drive the prices up on Jarrod/Brandi, Barry and/or Darrell, and taking another look at the lockers during the auctions (I thought that wasn’t allowed?) to psych people out.  If it wasn’t for his auction business, he could be the next Andy Kaufman.
  4. Man, I hope Darrell’s alright.  After keeping his stone-cold demeanour all season, he just casually mentions that he’s going through a divorce, a child custody battle (no more Brandon on the show?) and even a home invasion.  That’s pretty rough.  At least he looks to have made a decent profit on that locker fulla stuff.  I think I’ll be rooting for him the rest of the season.