Break-in at Trudeau’s place…just don’t call it Harpergate!

OK, so you probably don’t hafta look very far to find people comparing the recent break-in at the Trudeau residence to the Watergate scandal.  After all, both of them involved a burglary at a prominent political place…and that’s where the similarities end.  I dunno guy, but I’m pretty sure Stephen Harper isn’t using wiretaps.  Robocalls, maybe, but that’s a completely different phone-based technology.  (Pierre Poutine could not be reached for comment.)

Sure, it seems a little suspicious that someone would break into the Liberal Party leader’s residence, and do nothing but allegedly spell out “Harper 2015″ in Alberta beef knives, but I guess that’s what happens when you leave your doors unlocked in the roughshod Ottawa neighbourhood of Rockcliffe Park.  The question is, with an average household income of 120 grand a year (only because most of them are foreign ambassadors), how did they know which house was Trudeau’s?  Does the doorbell say “Fuddle Duddle” when you ring it?  Is there a copy of the Constitution Act on his front lawn?  And hey, did the vandals from the nearby francophone community of Vanier spray “En français SVP” on the back porch, or just “Ces objets auraient pu été volés?”

Not to make light of this atrocity committed against the next prime minster of Canada, as one Conservative back-bencher–surprisingly not Rob Anders!–was wont to do.  Home invasion is a serious crime.  Just ask 80’s hair band Ratt.  But if I’m the future leader of the country, and I’m leaving my wife and kids at home, I’m pretty sure I’d keep my doors locked.

(And yes, I do believe that Trudeau Jr.’s gonna be the next PM.  I mean, nobody’s gonna vote for Harper again, right? :P )

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Episode 132 of Gruesome Tunes now available for download!



08/17/14 PLAYLIST

Seditius – Nero (Carne da Macello) 3:07

A Storm of Light – Leave no Wounds (As the Valley of Death Becomes Us Our Silver Memories Fade) 3:52

Kylesa – Vulture’s Landing (Ultraviolet) 3:15

Winter – Goden (Into Darkness) 8:19

Black Tusk – Falling Down (Passage Through Purgatory) 3:20

Rival Sons – On My Way (Before the Fire) 5:18

Black Tar Prophet – Bottom Feeder (Deafen) 2:05


Serpentine Path – Claws (Emanations) 7:30

Zed – A Drug (The Invitation) 3:49

Black Tusk – Growing Horns (Set the Dial) 3:27

Sofy Major – Comment (Idolize) 3:40

Hail! Hornet – Glass Roses (Disperse the Curse) 1:31

Black Tusk – End of Days (Passage Through Purgatory) 3:51

Jex Thoth – The Places You Walk (Blood Moon Rise) 5:04


Culted – Intoxicant Immuration (Oblique to all Paths) 10:44

Palm Desert – The Tempter (Falls of the Wastelands) 4:40

Jello Biafra & the Melvins – Those Dumb Punk Kids [Will Buy Anything] (Sieg Howdy!) 3:15

Hotel Wrecking City Traders – Riley (Ikiryo) 4:16

Luder – Astrolabe (Adelphophagia) 5:34


Demon Lung – Hallowed Ground (The Hundredth Name) 6:43

Obelyskkh – Abysmal Desert Cavern (White Lightnin’) 6:57

Snail – Terminus (Terminus) 3:36

The Devil’s Blood – Feverdance (The Thousandfold Epicentre) 15:15


When West meets East, the results were actually closer than you’d think.  In a couple low-scoring contests, Edmonton went down to the wire with Ottawa, while the lowly Alouettes kept the heat on Saskatchewan while holding them under 20.  Even Hamilton managed to hang in there against Calgary for the better part of the game, and…wait for it…the Argos actually beat Winnipeg!  That’s what, the third interconference win for the East all season?  Hey, if the league only had one division, nobody west of Winnipeg would miss the playoffs–but then they’d probably hafta implement a participation prize for all those kids on the short bus. I’m looking at you, Hennnnnryyyyy!

Preseason Predictions

Last Week’s Rankings

Rankings Archive

1. Calgary Stampeders (6-1) Last Week: 1.  The Stamps kept rolling through the East last week, and with a trip to Ottawa in the cards (Yuuuup, I’ll be there!), it seems pretty likely they’ll be 7-1 going into the Labour Day Classic.  While they don’t always score the most on offence, Calgary still has the stingiest D in the CFL…although they’ve allowed just one fewer point than the Eskies.  Should be a pretty solid series come September!

2. Edmonton Eskimos (6-1) Last Week: 2.  OK, so being down late to an expansion team was kinda scary.  To their credit, the Esks held Ottawa outta the end zone, but some costly turnovers on their part kept things closer than they shouldda been.  I oughtta drop ‘em in the polls, but the only team below that played much better in Week Eight was several spots lower in last week’s rankings, which brings us to…

3. B.C. Lions (5-3) Last Week: 5.  Though they waited all week for a Sunday night, the Lions saved the best for last, putting up 20 points in the fourth quarter to hand the Argos a neutral site home loss.  Most impressively, their defence guided Ricky Ray his worst outing in quite some time: 23-39, 181 yards, 1 TD, 2 INT.  And while Kevin Glenn wasn’t great, he outshone Travis Lulay, who was seemingly tackled or sacked on every snap he took.  They may still be in last place, but with three straight wins, B.C. is turning the West into a five-horse race.  Too bad one of them won’t even make the playoffs!

4. Saskatchewan Roughriders (5-2) Last Week: 3.  The Riders have now won four straight, but they haven’t been putting up a lotta points of late–just 39 in the last two weeks combined.  And this was against teams like Winnipeg (25.1 ppg allowed) and Montreal (27.6 ppg allowed) not known for keeping opponents in check.  Will be interesting to see whose streak comes to an end when they travel to Vancouver next Sunday!

5. Toronto Argonauts (3-5) Last Week: 7.  The Argos actually played twice in Week Eight, and they did managed to win one, putting 38 points on the board against Winnipeg.  So they couldn’t beat B.C. on short rest, but by virtue of their 3-5 mark, they are now four points up on the rest of the Least Division.  Too bad the Rogers Centre won’t provide much of a homefield advantage come playoff time!

6. Winnipeg Blue Bombers (5-3) Last Week: 4.  Make that two straight losses for Winnipeg, dropping them towards the back of the pack out West.  And hey, with their effort in Toronto last week, my Eastern Division championship prediction is starting to look a little iffy.  There’s still time to right the ship, though this is the kinda stretch where it would help to have a veteran QB.  But hey, bring on the Als, who travel to The Peg on Friday.  I’m pretty sure some of these DBs have seen Alex Brink’s floater-ball aplenty in practice. ;)

7. Hamilton Tiger-Cats (1-6) Last Week: 6.  Y’know, with the way they’ve been losing these close games, I’m starting to suspect the Ti-Cats could be next year’s Edmonton Eskimos.  That said, the Eskies went 4-14 in 2013.  Hamilton could be in for a loooong season, even if they do get that stadium built!

8. Montreal Alouettes (1-6) Last Week: 9.  OK, so their only major score came after a missed field goal, but full credit to the Als for hanging tough against Saskatchewan in a very difficult place to play last week.  As a result, I’m moving them all the way up from last…to second-last place.

9. Ottawa REDBLACKS!!!!! (1-6) Last Week: 8.  Once again, Henry and the REDBLACKS!!!!! shat the bed while screwing the pooch in Week Eight.  In fact, they only scored eight points, at home.  They might still sell out TD Place, but I won’t be surprised if I’m not the only one jeering “Hennnnnnnnnryyyyyyy” by the time the Stampeders run through town next Sunday.  This demotivational poster sorta says it all:


This was a bit of an interesting gig, sponsored by Converse shoes and held at a club in the Entertainment District that I hadn’t even heard of before.  Oh, and did I mention it was free–but only if you had a ticket.  Aaaaand I only found out about it a couple weeks beforehand, but fortunately, I have friends in high places.

I will say this, though: it was nice to see HOF in a venue a little more intimate than the Opera House.  For one thing, I could actually fit all three of them into one shot.  I was actually up on the balcony this time–even with a “no crowdsurfing” sign on the ground level–but since said balcony runs all the way around the room, I still had a pretty decent vantage point:


Oh yeah, Pike’s sporting a pretty stellar porn stache nowadays:

005(Also: peep the fresh Converse kicks!)

















This is what Jeff Matz looks like on acid:



Well, it’s no grown-man’s forearm baguette…but it’s certainly not bad!

When they finally opened a Me Va Me Express on Queen Street West, I was pretty excited, having heard the rumours about their baguette sandwiches as big as a grown man’s forearm and the shawarma pitas the size of a five-year-old’s head.  However, it seems that these belly-busting sammies are only served at their suburban stores.  Upon discovering this, I was so distraught that I walked right out of the restaurant without buying anything.  But eventually, with the aid of a five-dollars-off coupon, they were able to lure me back in.  Well, with that and some lamb-burger sticks:


OK, so it might have fewer calories than a KFC Double Down, but there’s still a lotta food on this plate.  You’ve got three seasoned lamb patties with a side of French fries, Greek salad and a couple large slabs of slightly warm pita bread.  Put it this way: it’ll take more than a few Tiger beers to get me buzzed when the Stamps kick off against Hamilton in a couple hours, cuz I’ll be drinking on a full stomach. ;)

Me Va Me Express, 240 Queen St W (at John St), 416-546-3770

Never thought I’d say this, but I actually agree with Jann Arden!

“You’re listening to Rape Pig FM, where we play twice the music, so you can do twice the blow!”  OK, so that’s not the name of the station, but my hometown has got me feeling down about a destination at the bottom of the dial that’s taking the radio edit to a whole new level.  As the CBC reports, “90.3 AMP Calgary has been running a new format that edits songs to half the length — meaning it can run 24 songs an hour instead of 12.”  They say they want to keep listeners “engaged,” though it sorta seems like a sorry excuse to play twice as many Nickelback songs–or perhaps just a whole hour of James Hetfield saying “Yeah!”

In any case, the move to this mind-numbing format has angered Calgary’s biggest musical export–and no, I ain’t talkin’ bout Chad Kroeger and co, who hail from Hanna…where you’re not allowed to speak bad about Nickelback (or anyone else).  Back in the mid-to-late 90’s, when Plastic Man and his Pyro Band were still cutting their teeth in Lethbridge, local singer-songwriter Jann Arden owned the airwaves with her boring brand of whiny, pap-smear pop.  Put it this way: I can’t remember the last time I heard “Wonder Drug,” but I’m pretty sure I still know all the words!

But lately, Arden has been more in the news for her bad behaviour than her insipid tuneage, most notably telling VIA Rail to eat her bra after getting kicked off a train.  Can’t say I sided with her then–I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to dogs–but hey, if she wants to tell Rape P…erm, AMP FM to feast on her panties, then I’d be OK with that; just as long as I don’t have to picture it.  Thankfully, she didn’t go there, but she still said some nasty stuff, including offering a dick enlargement to the station’s program director.  Speaking of mental images…

Suffice to say, Steve “Not a Sex Pistol” Jones was not amused, taking his complaint about being cyberbullied by an adult-contemporary singer to the Toronto Star, that bastion of fairness and equality (as long as your name’s not Ford).  “We teach our children not to cyberbully, but to find myself at the brunt of small penis jokes or jokes because I’m bald is bizarre, especially from an artist who has talked about being judged on weight,” he told Canada’s National Paywall.  Not above resorting to flame wars himself, Jones added that his network only played Jann Arden on “two or three” stations in the Maritimes anyways, as per The Star.

OK, so add those two or three stations to my list of FM radio to avoid…right up there with 90.3 AMP Calgary. ;)

Episode 131 of Gruesome Tunes now available for download!



08/10/14 PLAYLIST

Corrections House – Hallows of the Stream (Last City Zero) 4:03

Sons of OTIS – Alone (Seismic) 8:03

1000Mods – Big Beautiful (Vultures) 3:47

The Octopus – Unholy Mountain (888) 4:32

Sons of Tonatiuh – Plastic Cell (Parade of Sorrow) 2:51

Astrosoniq – Bloom (Quadrant) 6:34


Truckfighters – The Chairman (Universe) 7:54

Blue Aside – The Moles of a Dying Race Part 3 (The Moles of a Dying Race) 5:40

Mars Red Sky – Circles (Stranded in Arcadia) 5:00

Norilisk – Japetus (Japetus EP) 8:15

Nebula – The Perfect Rapture (Nebula/Quest For Fire split 7”) 3:12


Doomeastvan – Sketches of Pain (‘Tis We) 13:03

Monster Magnet – Paradise (Last Patrol) 4:31

Discharge – War is Hell (War is Hell) 1:41

The Great Sabatini – The Royal We (Dog Years) 3:39

Indian – Guiltless (Guiltless) 8:01


La Chinga – The Wheel (self-titled) 3:05

The Body – The Ebb and Flow of Tides in a Sea of Ash (Master, We Perish) 2:50

Witch Mountain – Veil of the Forgotten (Cauldron of the Wild) 5:29

Snail – Terminus (Terminus) 3:36

Sleepbringer – Double Shot of Fuck You (Compendium) 6:53

Nightbitch – Disrober (Chainmaker EP) 3:38

Godhunter – [Dead Hooker by the Side of] The Road (Wolves) 7:44