AMATEUR CONCERT PHOTOGRAPHY HOUR: OXBOW, Thighs, Godstopper @ The Garrison, May 18, 2013

It’s been a while since I’ve been to The Garrison.  Turns out, they moved the bar to the back of the room, where it now serves Grasshopper and…  Old Style Pilsner!?  Didn’t know you could even buy that shit out here!  In any case, it remains a decent place to catch a concert, with a solid sound system and heavy soundtrack between bands.  Speaking of which, all the local openers on the evening were very à propos.  Looks like Toronto’s noise-rock scene is alive and well.

Now, I’ve been listening to Godstopper for quite some time, but had not caught them in person until this evening.  They play live as a three-piece, although they were previously a one-man studio project.  Mind you, said one-man still performs drums and vocals simultaneously, which is pretty impressive, seeing as I can’t even chew gum and drink coffee.

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The next band, Thighs, politely asked me to move while they set up their equipment… on the floor.  Hey, if it means less setup time for the headliners, I’m all for it.  With such an in-your-face setup, I was expecting a blistering set of hardcore punk shorter than most bowel movements, but in the end, they turned out to be more post-hardcore, which was still cool, and better suited for this bill, anyways.

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Lest you get the impression this was an instrumental outfit, they did have a singer.  It’s just that he was behind me most of the time…

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And then, of course, the main event.  Twas quite a coincidence that a horse named Oxbow won the Preakness the same day as the band Oxbow played a rare weekend gig.  Eugene Robinson made a comment to this effect, saying “you should’ve bet on Oxbow.”  He delivered more such low-key, humourous stage banter when not unleashing his high-pitched vocals, which sounded a little low in the mix.  Otherwise, twas an overall enthralling set, a rare, one-off appearance well worth the price of admission.

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And yes, Robinson stripped down to his underwear.

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Bye-Bye Bill Hader!

The season finale of Saturday Night Live is tonight, and with it we bid adieu to another beloved cast member.  There is some sort of unwritten rule about overstaying your welcome on the show, and while Jason Sudeikis and Fred Armisen have been rumoured to be leaving for quite some time now, it seems they’ll both be sticking around—or will they?

The one star who’s definitely got both feet out the door is Bill Hader, one of my personal favourites.  An eight-year SNL veteran who’s been making more TV and movie appearances of late, Hader is said to be moving to L.A., in part because his wife, director Maggie Carey, needs to be closer to Hollywood.  I suppose his own acting career could benefit from a change of scenery, as well.

Hader has been known to play a wide variety of characters, including signature creations Stefon and Vinny Vedecci.  His far-flung facial expressions and wide-eyed exuberance will surely be missed by fans of the program—but then again, I’m sure they said the same about Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd and Chris Farley and Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler…  you get the point.  The beauty of SNL is in its renewal; case in point, I’ve already found a new favourite female cast member in Kate McKinnon.  As such, I’m sure that whoever comes in to take Hader’s place will still be pretty funny.

That being said, if there’s one good thing that could potentially come of this, it’s that the craptacular Californians sketch could be dealt a fatal blow by losing Hader, who was both its co-star and co-writer.  Now, I’m not saying I want Armisen to leave, too—I particularly enjoyed his performance as the only punk rocker who liked Margaret Thatcher—but really, that surfer-dude skit has gotta go!

(Anyways, I won’t be at home to watch this evening’s episode, and right now my internet connection’s slower than a one-legged hunchback in a potato-sack race, so I’ll just hafta wait until it appears on Rogers on Demand.  Hopefully, it’ll be up this weekend—I suspect the Rogers repairmen are taking the long weekend off…)

When “Is Rob Ford on crack?” becomes a serious question…

“Hey, did you hear Rob Ford erased the bike lines on Jarvis?  Is he on crack!?”

That question took on a whole new meaning today with the revelation by Gawker (followed by a Toronto Star “exclusive”) that The Mayor of This City was taped allegedly smoking some alleged crack cocaine, allegedly at Dixon Rd. near Kipling Ave.  Where are we, Washington D.C.!?

The Star says some of its reporters have seen the tapes, and they “separately concluded the man in the video was Ford.”  He’s even wearing the same sweatshirt as he did in this photo published by the National Post.  But while this would surely be the “Gangnam Style” of mayors-smoking-crack videos, it hasn’t been leaked to the public yet.  Alas, it seems the Somali drug dealers want 100 grand in exchange for the actual footage; both Gawker and The Star watched it on a camera-phone.  Apparently, TorStar doesn’t negotiate with terrorists, and Gawker simply doesn’t have enough money.  And yet, there are not one, not two but three Indiegogo campaigns to buy the tape–although one seems to have been taken down.  (Gawker’s campaign is up over 32 Gs, though, and they’re now saying it’ll take 200 to get the footage.  Mmmmkay…)

Speaking of tapes, did anyone outside the Toronto Police Service ever hear the infamous Rob Fucking Ford phone call?  I guess that one’s a lot safer in the hands of the cops than a tape taken by some drug dealers would be, eh?

Of course, Ford non-denies this ever happened, brushing it off as “ridiculous,” but when was the last time he actually owned up to outrageous behaviour that was either caught on tape, by photo, or seen by witnesses?  It would actually shock me if one of these days he actually came out and said “Yeah, I did that.  My bad.”–before the police report was made public, that is.

Cuz here’s the thing, this latest allegation is costing him populist points by the pound.  I mean, that time when he drunkenly berated some folks at a Leafs game?  Hey, who hasn’t gotten drunk and gotten into an argument about hockey?  Aside from those condo-dwelling, latte-sipping, bike-riding downtown commie pinkos!!!1  Likewise, who hasn’t had a beverage or seven before going out on the town?  I pre-drink, you pre-drink, everybody pre-drinks–unless it’s an open bar, then he really has no excuse.

But on the other hand, it’s hard to appeal to the common man, much less the right-wing, tough-on-crime constituency, when you’re caught smoking crack.  Cuz everybody knows, crack is whack, yo!  Sure, there might be some damned blue-collar tweekers out there, but try getting them out to the polls!

Bottom line, I would not be surprised if this video actually does surface, and whether he wins the ensuing lawsuit or not, the last shred of Rob Ford’s credibility will surely go up in smoke.  I never thought I’d say this, but the judge shoulda tossed him out when he had the chance, just to save our city from further embarrassment.  And this time, I’m not even joking.

Jose Canseco for Mayor!

COMMENT OF THE DAY: At least Rob Ford doesn’t smoke weed…

From: http://www.torontosun.com/2013/05/17/rob-fords-got-quite-the-rap-sheet–if-its-true

Rob Ford might have allegedly done all sorts of bad things, but one thing he’s never allegedly done is allegedly smoke joints.  This Toronto Sun reader provides proof:

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Mind you, not all Dopesmokers weigh 600 pounds…

 

I’m not really looking to lose weight, just as long as I stop gaining it…

So I burned off 216 calories on the treadmill today, which just about makes up for the ice cream sundae I had this afternoon–although it doesn’t come close to that KFC sub I ate yesterday.  I’m trying to stick to working out three to four days a week, taking the weekends off to drink beer and eat junk food.  Well, I suppose won’t be drinking too much if the LCBOmageddonapocalypse kicks off tonight.  Although they do have a Beer Store at Dundas Square now…

You see, I’m not really trying to lose weight.  The last thing I want to do is buy several new pairs of pants.  And while my waistline is noticeably slimmer–noticeably to me, at least, cuz I live with myself–I can still fit into my old jeans.  I just hafta pull the belt a little tighter.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to be healthy and get in shape, but as one standup comedian once said, “I’ve tried everything to lose weight–except diet and exercise.”  Well, I’m now getting into the latter, but dieting on top of that is just too much for me.  I still like to enjoy my food, even if tonight I mostly filled up on bread.  Maaaan, Longo’s makes their buns way too big for a normal sized burger.  You could probably put three patties on one of those things!  Hmm, I think I might actually try that…  Homemade land-sea-and-air burger, coming right up!

Then again, I guess I could probably use some smaller buns.  And not just the ones in my pants.

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Because you can’t spell anarchy without LCBO (Hey, waitaminnit!)

From: http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2013/05/16/lcbo_looming_strike_fires_up_rhetoric_in_queens_park.html

Turns out the Mayans were only off by six months.  The world officially comes to an end at midnight tonight when employees of the LCBO, the government-owned liquor retailer for The Centre of the Known UniverseTM, will go on strike for the first time in their 87-year history.  Bring on the looting and rioting in the streets—and extra-long lineups at The Beer Store…

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Can you just imagine what would happen if a truly important resource were to walk off the job, like the TTC?  *head explodes*