Bye-Bye Bill Hader!

The season finale of Saturday Night Live is tonight, and with it we bid adieu to another beloved cast member.  There is some sort of unwritten rule about overstaying your welcome on the show, and while Jason Sudeikis and Fred Armisen have been rumoured to be leaving for quite some time now, it seems they’ll both be sticking around—or will they?

The one star who’s definitely got both feet out the door is Bill Hader, one of my personal favourites.  An eight-year SNL veteran who’s been making more TV and movie appearances of late, Hader is said to be moving to L.A., in part because his wife, director Maggie Carey, needs to be closer to Hollywood.  I suppose his own acting career could benefit from a change of scenery, as well.

Hader has been known to play a wide variety of characters, including signature creations Stefon and Vinny Vedecci.  His far-flung facial expressions and wide-eyed exuberance will surely be missed by fans of the program—but then again, I’m sure they said the same about Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd and Chris Farley and Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler…  you get the point.  The beauty of SNL is in its renewal; case in point, I’ve already found a new favourite female cast member in Kate McKinnon.  As such, I’m sure that whoever comes in to take Hader’s place will still be pretty funny.

That being said, if there’s one good thing that could potentially come of this, it’s that the craptacular Californians sketch could be dealt a fatal blow by losing Hader, who was both its co-star and co-writer.  Now, I’m not saying I want Armisen to leave, too—I particularly enjoyed his performance as the only punk rocker who liked Margaret Thatcher—but really, that surfer-dude skit has gotta go!

(Anyways, I won’t be at home to watch this evening’s episode, and right now my internet connection’s slower than a one-legged hunchback in a potato-sack race, so I’ll just hafta wait until it appears on Rogers on Demand.  Hopefully, it’ll be up this weekend—I suspect the Rogers repairmen are taking the long weekend off…)

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Hey New Girl, don’t you unSchmidt my Schmidt!

As I’ve said before (around this time last year), Schmidt is by far the biggest scene-stealer in New Girl, the Zooey Deschanel sitcom on FOX.  With Nick a leading contestant for The Biggest Loser–if it wasn’t about losing weight–and Winston being so unmemorable and non-descript that he rarely gets a major story line, the only contest is between Schmidt and CeCe.  Mind you, the latter is getting married in the season finale…

But when it comes to the male leads, it seems that Max Greenfield is the only one who’s really flexing his acting chops.  I mean, the guy can’t really be as big a douchebag off-screen as he is as Schmidt, right?  But lately, the writers have been trying to unSchmidt everybody’s favourite Jewish yuppie douchebag, much to my dismay.

It all started with CeCe’s wedding announcement, when Schmidt decided to meet up with his fat college girlfriend, who somehow also lives in L.A. (didn’t he go to Syracuse?) and is still quite chubby.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the Fat Schmidt flashbacks with his sidekick Stoner Hippy Nick–the bunkbed sex scene was particularly amusing.  But turning the one true, discernible male character on the show into another fat, poor schlub like the rest of ‘em, that’s just not cool.  Here’s hoping that Merritt Wever only has a guest-star contract, and that Elizabeth isn’t about to become a fixture on the show.

Put it this way: If Schmidt shows up to CeCe’s wedding in a sweatshirt, I’m boycotting Season 3.

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Guidos in Space? Yeah Buddy!

From: http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/05/10/at-least-35-canadians-among-the-8000-who-have-applied-for-one-way-trip-to-mars/

The Mars Project aims to send four reality-show contestants to the Red Planet in 2023, funding their expedition through “an as-yet-unspecified ‘global media event’ that will feature the astronauts and their preparation.”  And you thought surviving a Japanese game show was tough?

Although the organizers prefer to use the term “educational project” instead of “reality TV show,” there’s no denying that MTV has a hole in its prime-time lineup after that Buckwild guy done got dead, so they obviously need to do something to attract the Jersey Shore crowd:

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Wait, can you say Snooki & JWOWW… in Space!?  I might actually tune in to that one!

Hey Rogers, I want my Spike TV!

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When AMC went to renegotiate its contract with Rogers, they must’ve sent Don Draper in to close the deal.  After a PR scare campaign that encouraged subscribers to call their service provider–much like a certain music television network did, back in the day–AMC not only took round one against the major media conglomerate; they appear to have won the war.  As the above customer communication states, AMC is moving down the dial from 55 to 32, with FX Canada taking over its old spot.  OLN also gets bumped up in the process, as BBC World News bites the dust (or at least gets relegated to channel 194).

But by far the biggest loser is Spike TV, home of such popular programs as Auction Hunters, Bar Rescue, Ink Master, TNA Wrestling and my personal favourite, 1,000 Ways to Die.  The self-proclaimed Guys Network is taking it like a little girl, sent to the kitchen to get the cookies from the top shelf–shelf number 279, to be precise.  Way to Die #279: A Good Rogering!

Now, I just checked my TV set, and I do get channel 279.  Of course, I can also watch Spike on channel 32–for now.  But as the message above clearly states (at least if you click to blow it up), Spike TV will no longer be part of VIP.  It’s now going to be part of the Ultimate Digital Specialty and/or Classic TV Theme Pack.  And hey, don’t get me wrong, Spike is definitely classic TV.  Did I mention that they show all the Star Wars movies back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back every other weekend?  But man, I shouldn’t hafta pay for Comedy Gold, DejaView and Mystery TV just to get a little TNA!*

All I know is that they better get this shit sorted out before the next season of Ink Master, otherwise Ima hafta go all Clint Cummings on their asses…

 

*Full disclosure: I don’t actually watch TNA wrestling.  But Spike used to show a whole lotta boobies at 2 am. ;)

They should’ve known better than to put a West Virginian on TV…

As the Mountain State still mourns the loss of its favourite son, reality TV star Shain Gandy, one of its proud journalism graduates just committed the newsroom equivalent of dying from carbon monoxide poisoning after getting your truck stuck in the mud while off-roading.  It turns out that A.J. Clemente, a proud WVU Mountaineer with a bitchin’ chest tattoo, made a major rookie mistake, ensuring that his first newscast on NBC affiliate KFYR in Bismarck, North Dakota would also be his last:

He may be used to uh, being from in the East Coast, but this rookie definitely wasn’t used to being in front of the camera.  Looking like he clearly missed his cue, with his head down, looking at his notes, he let out a “fucking shit,” apparently while stumbling over the name of London Marathon winner Tsegaye Kebede.  Fortunately, the runner’s last name didn’t have the letters A-I-D-S in it, or Clemente would’ve really been in trouble…

Hey, so he’s not the first NBC news anchor to literally fuck up on air–and at least he didn’t keep fucking that chicken.  But pulling a Ron Burgundy on your very first newscast is pretty bad.  And it’s not like that “Boom Goes the Dynamite” guy on Ball Sack University TV, where no one would’ve seen it had it not been posted online–this redneck permanently scarred the fine folks of Bismarck, ND for life with his foul mouth.  For life!

I mean, this is more than just making a silly call on a three-pointer.  This guy went in and missed a dunk–on his own basket–and had his shorts fall down, revealing his leopard-print man-thong in the process.  The only way it could’ve been worse is if he’d been broadcasting in the Bible Belt.  He never would’ve made it out of that studio alive, erm, unrepented…

Frankly, I don’t give a fucking shit about the occasional profanity, but it’s this kid’s complete lack of professionalism that I find staggering.  Most news reporters cut their teeth with several years on assignment before getting a crack at the anchor desk, but I guess that’s not a prerequisite in North Dakota.  Judging by his twitter feed, Clemente had been on the job for less than a month.  Now something tells me he won’t get another crack at it anytime soon–unless the Naked News still does broadcasts for the ladies.  (Aaaaand it appears that they don’t.  Good luck, kid!)

There aren’t many TV shows I’d actually write down on my calendar. Mad Men is definitely an exception…

You had me at 2-hour premiere.  I can’t say I’ve watched it from the beginning, but when I realized that Jessica Pare was on Mad Men, it immediately earned a spot on my TV viewing schedule, filling the Sunday-night void of the NFL offseason.  I’m not nostalgic for the 60′s, by any means, but the show’s time capsule seems to accurately capture the era.  Hey, I wasn’t around back then, but who doesn’t pine for the days when everybody drank on the job (he writes, with a hangover)?

From what I’ve read on the topic (and admittedly, it’s very little), ad agencies were actually like that in those days.  Not just the drinking, but the colourful personalities, the fights, the senior partner who hangs himself at his desk…  OK, maybe the last one wasn’t so typical, but it made for great TV–if by great, you mean dark and depressing.

Of course, that seems to be the knock against the show from people who don’t watch Mad Men.  Hey, it’s definitely no spring picnic, even if it airs at this time of year.  But who says you hafta escape reality to a happier place?  Or perhaps one’s life is so risk-adverse that they need a little conflict on the telly to spice things up?  I will say that it’s not the darkest show I’ve ever seen, although admittedly, it’s hard to find a good drama these days when reality TV owns the tube…  Aren’t you glad Rogers came to that agreement with AMC?

Alas, I can’t offer any spoilers or insight into Season 6; in fact, I’ve been trying to avoid reading that stuff.  But I get the feeling that whatever happens, well, I shan’t be disappointed.

RIP Gandee Candy…

Never thought I’d use this space to eulogize a reality TV star, but here we go.  And no, I’m not talking about that doctor from Koh-Lanta, either.  Frankly, if my medical career had gone so off-track that I was providing first-aid on a reality show, I’d kill myself too–even if a contestant didn’t die first.

But that’s beside the point.  Shain Gandee didn’t take his own life; he died doing what he loved, crazy redneck West Virginian that he was.  The star of MTV’s Buckwild, which put the Mountain State back on the map, Gandee passed away in a mudhole due to carbon monoxide poisoning, a bad case of muddin’ gone wrong.  And if you watched the show, you’d know that Gandee Candy wasn’t just a star, he was definitely the star.  If Snooki and The Situation had sex in a Sissonville trailer-park, their bastard love child might be something like Shain.  (Love the redneck spelling, by the way.)

Which is not to say he was a Guido; hell, the hills of Sissonville are many miles away from the Jersey Shore, even though MTV made a conscious effort to present his show as some sorta backwoods spin-off of their most popular program.  But while the Shore House gang’s rap sheets were full of public intoxications and dance-club brawls, shit down in West Virgina gets a lot more serious.  Case in point: Salwa Amin, the Bengali beauty who liked to take her top off, has now been arrested twice for possession of both hillbilly heroin and actual horse. (And no, I didn’t say an actual horse; that’s probably not even illegal down in those parts…)  Something tells me she won’t be back for Season 2.  If they even have a Season 2, that is.

MTV had already renewed Buckwild for another summer, but they’ve obviously suspended shooting in the wake of Gandee’s death.  Cuz unlike Mike, who’s a dick, and Snooki, who’s a ditz–characters you tune in to make fun of–Gandee Candy was a guy you actually wanted to root for.  I mean, his pal Tyler was a playa and Joey’s got the IQ of a Seaside Heights houseplant, but Shain was just a good guy, man.  He didn’t have the looks or anything, but his country-boy charm and hair-brained redneck schemes stood out above all the two-timing, cat-fighting and bitching.  And when he finally woos ex-lingerie model Cara–by spelling out their initials with road flares!–in the final episode, it was like he scored one for fat, hairy rednecks everywhere.  And he didn’t even hafta design a duck-call to do it! ;)

Sooo, will the show survive another season without Shain?  While I don’t doubt MTV already has a hush-hush casting call ongoing for a new back-country hillbilly to take his place, it just won’t be the same.  Cuz you can replace an Angelina, no problem, but if Pauly D were to die in a blow-dryer fire, the Music Television Network would be forced to cancel Snooki & JWOWW out of respect.  (C’mon maaaan, is that show still going!?)

“You’re under arrest. Now could you please sign this waiver for our reality show?”

Migrant workers in Vancouver are incensed after Shaw reality series Border Security caught some of them on camera during a CBSA raid on an East Van construction site.  It appears the producers’ policy was to shoot first, hand out waivers later.  As per the CBC, “Oscar Mata says when he was in custody, producers asked him to sign a release so they could broadcast his image.”  I presume that there wasn’t a six-figure salary attached to said contract, like those Real Housewives of Vancouver are getting…

But Force Four Entertainment, which produces the show, insists on no wrong-doing.  Spokesman Andrew Poon reportedly said in a statement “no one is filmed without their advance verbal permission.”  Now who are we supposed to believe, a reality TV pitchman or an undocumented migrant worker?  Hey, that’s a pretty tough question; both score awfully low on the credibility scale.  Which isn’t to say that every migrant worker caught up in a CBSA crackdown entered the country under suspicious circumstances—but the concern is that their appearance on a reality show could potentially paint them all with the same brush.  Because no one wants to be recognized as Jose from that dock bust on Border Security when you’re applying for temporary seasonal work…

Of course, there are plenty of arrest and seizure shows south of the border, from Cops to The First 48 to Dog the Bounty Hunter and (insert repo show here).  That said, I’ve yet to see a Cops: Illegal Alien Edition.  (I’m sure it would get great ratings in Arizona, though.) And as the CBC points out, issues might arise if potential refugee claimants are captured on film and then sent back to their homelands, which surely must get the National Geographic Channel via satellite.  As if the persecuted didn’t have problems before, appearing on reality TV will only increase the scorn and ridicule levied against them—even if their participation was involuntary.  Then again, they were asked to sign a waiver at some point, so that makes it okay, right?  Right?

Hey Rogers, I want my AMC!

First, they took away my TV and internet access for days at a time.  Then, they took away my internet and cell phone service for an entire evening.  But if they take away my Mad Men, I’ll be going Don Draper on their asses!  The Toronto Star is reporting that “AMC is warning Canadians will lose cable access to award-winning television shows Mad Men and the post-apocalyptic zombie series The Walking Dead if distribution negotiations between the U.S. channel and Rogers Communications cannot be finalized by Thursday.”  Why sheeeeet son, that’s the day after tomorrow!

The Turner-owned network has even set up a website that consists of little more than a scrolling marquee showing stills of all the shows we’re about to lose, along with ways to contact Rogers by phone, email and social media.  Trust me, I already have them on speed dial.  And while the network is mostly known for showing hit movies stripped of all profanity and sexual intercourse—including the “clean” version of Goodfellas that replaces each utterance of “motherfucker” with “cockroach” via voice-over—it does offer one award-winning drama that’s made its way into my Sunday-night viewing schedule during the NFL offseason.  In fact, when I went to Seattle last summer, I actually inquired as to where I could attend a Mad Men season finale viewing party.  No luck there, but it turns out I had AMC in my hotel room…

Then again, it seems that AMC might be getting us all worked up for nothing.  A Rogers spokeswoman told the Star “We have no intention of dropping the channel,” adding that “We’re disappointed that they’ve worried our customers unnecessarily by taking this action.”

The Star also notes that the channel took similar measures against Dish Network last summer.  The end result?  “Dish responded by dropping AMC to a higher, less-accessible channel.”  But hey, I’ve got 570 channels, so as long as I can watch Jessica Pare on one of them, I’m happy.

The evil that newsmen do…

“I’m the slime oozin’ out from your TV set” – Frank Zappa

Tis a shame that Zappa passed away prematurely in ’93–for one thing, he would’ve been a great source for Shadows of Liberty, a mass-media documentary now playing at the Bloor.  The mother of all Mothers of Invention was a staunch critic of censorship, famously naming his 1985 album Frank Zappa Meets the Mothers of Prevention in response to the ridiculousness of the PMRC.  Alas, while this Canadian-directed doc isn’t about music, it largely deals with the issue of self-censorship by major media conglomerates, painting CBS in a particularly bad light.  Hey, I’m sure the songwriter of “I’m the Slime” would have something to say about the news today–if nothing else, he’d have made a more authoritative subject than Danny Glover, whose inclusion I found puzzling.

Alas, while “I’m The Slime” was written and recorded in ’73, it hardly seems dated, as many of its lyrics ring true today.  By the same token, many of the examples used in Shadows of Liberty were from events that took place in the mid-to-late 90′s–which isn’t to say they don’t still hold water.  Then again, it’s probably pretty hard to get active reporters to denounce the parent company on camera, even if similar docs, such as Outfoxed, were able to dig up more modern material.  (I take it Fox News doesn’t have a very high retention rate…)

Nevertheless, it’s still pretty impactful to get the straight goods from the source’s mouth; in this case, sources like Roberta Baskin, whose story on Nike sweatshops was swept under the rug after Nike dangled major sponsorship dollars towards CBS’s coverage of the 1998 Olympics.  In fact, the network backpedaled so hard that all its correspondents wore jackets emblazoned with a highly-noticeable Nike swoosh during the Nagano Games.  Also running afoul of The Eye in that era was reporter Kristina Borjesson, who had received some evidence to suggest that the tragic TWA Flight 800 might have been shot down by a U.S. Navy missile.  But CBS, which was then owned by Westinghouse, a major government contractor, quickly handed the evidence over to authorities, who would later state publicly that there was no evidence to show a missile had hit the plane.

Shadows of Liberty also touches on the tragic tale of Gary Webb, a San Jose Mercury News reporter who broke the story of a Nicaraguan Contra cocaine smuggling ring supplying crack to the streets of L.A.  Being that the Contras were backed by the CIA, this was a pretty contentious piece, which was initially discredited by major news organizations, and eventually by the Mercury News itself.  Never mind that the Hitz Report later confirmed Webb’s findings–he was shunned by the journalistic community and unable to find work as a reporter.  According to the documentary, this led him to take his own life in 2004.

But while these three somewhat-dated examples show how mainstream-media self-censorship can cost investigative journalists their careers, the film doesn’t deliver as strongly when it moves on to other topics.  For instance, after a long preamble on how the Iraq war was a total shamble (which isn’t exactly news to anyone by now), the film suggests, almost as a footnote, that public support for the war was strongly influenced by the uncritical coverage of the Bush Administration’s testimony by several high-profile New York Times reporters.  Not only are they lacking the strong primary sources for this piece (inside perspective comes from just one former NYT editor), but they don’t even present evidence as to how influential the Times really is, aside from some statements by a couple of media studies professors/fair-reporting foundation heads.  Now, I may be as Canadian as Shadows director/writer/producer Jean-Philippe Tremblay, but as I recall, Operation Iraqi Liberation wasn’t an incredibly popular war, so I think the point was somewhat lost.

Likewise, a vignette about how the NBC series “How to Catch a Predator” drove an assistant district attorney (who reportedly had a thing for young boys) to his death, while certainly tragic, seems somewhat misplaced, as the overall narrative to this point doesn’t dwell much on “infotainment” news.  There are some earlier clips showing coverage of Anna Nicole Smith and some Fox News doofus asking Sarah Palin about ordering a frosty at Wendy’s–but aside from the Dateline bit, we don’t really go down that road.  Also, the film was clearly completed before any of the News of the World news broke, so while some are suggesting the film has been given a boost by the latest major media scandal, there is really no rapport between phone-hacking and this documentary.

With all that being said, I think Shadows of Liberty would’ve benefited from a tighter focus.  The fact that large corporate conglomerates control the mass media isn’t really new or shocking to most people.  It’s how they suppress critical reporting and investigative journalism, in particular contentious pieces pertaining to the government or major advertisers, which is the real story here.  A couple more timely examples (hey, I heard CNN recently made major cuts to its investigative reporting team) and we’re golden.  Just don’t expect any Oscar nods, cuz, y’know, that’s all controlled by major corporations, too. ;)