The Diablo Red record that never was…

Moving to my new apartment a couple weeks back forced me to reorganize my CD collection.  And be reorganize, I mean get rid of a lotta shit.  That said, I had some titles so obscure that even Sonic Boom wouldn’t touch ‘em.  And then there were the demos and CDRs I stumbled across, including this one, the never-released fourth album from my former favourite Toronto band, Diablo Red…

Just stuck this in my CD player for the first time in who-knows-how-long.  Alas, while it skipped like a suicide mother on several occasions, what I was able to ascertain is that it still sounds refreshingly awesome.  Here’s the blow-by-blow:

Always thought “Shotglass Full of Pills” was a great opening track.  A straight-ahead southern chugger with a big, anthemic chorus about their singer’s struggles with Crohn’s Disease…  Wait, was it Crohn’s?  I suppose it could be interpreted as a drug-addiction song too, for that matter.  Still a great, great song.  Personal favourite.

On the other hand, I can’t recall “Long After the Fall” at all.  A good stoner groove kicks this one off, to a slightly slow-paced stomp.  Okay, I definitely recognize this chorus.   Name-drops Jesus without sounding too preachy.  This song is every bit as good as Black Label Society, Black Stone Cherry, and all those other southern-sounding bands that received their share of recognition—whether they began with Black or not.  “Unbroken” actually sounds a little bit like BLS, come to think of it, with a bit more of a gruff, smoky growl than we’re used to hearing from Catch Murphy.

“King Con” is another one I recognize, as it slowly creeps up to the surface, riffs building on top of a lone, repeated guitar line.  From there, it’s all stop-and-start territory, a winding path that would make Nashville Pussy proud.  “Stone of Atonement” begins with an upbeat shuffle signalling a slightly more up-tempo number.  These guys always were good when they (rarely) played fast, although this one’s just a little more than mid-paced with a slow, gloomy instrumental break thrown in for good measure.  Now, “Crossroads” may be a clichéd title, but this song is anything but ordinary, culminating in another catchy chorus that should have raised many fists at biker rallies.  (I heard they played a couple in their day.)

“Death’s Our Name” was meant to be the title track, though they were going with some garbled Spanish translation as I recall.  In any case, Diablo was certainly fluent in the language of the riff, as another solid southern stomper gets my boots shakin’ in no time.  Frankly, I feel that “southern doom” is a fairly non-existent subgenre, but I suppose it should sound something like this.

“Six Bells Till Closing” is another personal favourite.  At one point, they were going to release a pirate-themed EP with this as its centrepiece.  And yet, I used to think this song was called “Dying Man’s Morning,” as it was mislabelled on an earlier demo I used to have.  (And maybe still have somewhere…)  Alas, the Pirate EP never happened, but I stagger stagger-ed, roll roll-ed quite often to this tune, if ya know what I mean.  “Cannons roar/My blade digs in/Shattered bones/Survive you win!”  Always loved that line.

Of course, since this album never actually came out, I reckon the band doesn’t owe Gene Simmons royalties for “1,000 Years,” which is just one zero short of a KISS song title.  That said, this song tunes KISS down several notches for a low ‘n slow southern ballad(?) that grooves along grunge-ily.  It’s somewhat more laid-back and low-key compared to the other killer cuts on here, until it explodes into a mind-melting solo that’s but a bit too brief.

The album ends with two songs that I can’t recall for the life of me.  “Lost Tomorrow” is another sorta-slow, down-tuned, low-key effort—one more hyphen and it wins the prize, albeit at six-minutes plus, it sure takes its sweet time to collect.  As for “Shower of Bastard,” well, I’d imagine it would be quite smelly.  But it turns out this tune has a slight spring to its step, with a repeated “fuck you” refrain.  Erm, perhaps that’s a pre-refrain—which sorta sounds like those beans I had at that Mexican place last night…

Maaaaaaaaaaan, I miss this band.  It would be nice if this freakin’ CDR didn’t skip so much, but considering I found it in a pile of stuff I didn’t even know I had a couple weeks back, I suppose I can’t complain.

“I raise my glass… to my comrades that fel-ee-ee-el!”

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COMMENT OF THE DAY: “Give Rob Ford more crack!” said no one ever (except for this guy…)

From: http://www.torontosun.com/2013/05/22/mayor-rob-ford-axed-as-don-bosco-football-coach

After the alleged antics of the alleged Mayor of This CityTM earned him a leadoff spot on The Daily Show, the axe has come down on Rob Ford—at Don Bosco High, where he’ll no longer be head football coach.  Guess he’ll hafta stick to being The Mayor of This CityTM then, eh?

But hey, Rob Ford can still do no wrong in the eyes of a select few, and I mean few, Toronto Sun supporters.  Case in point:

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(Then again, when even his few defenders are being bashed—on the Toronto Sun comment section, no less—it’s starting to look like the gig is up.)

This just in: You CAN buy Old Style Pilsner in Ontario!

One of the most-read posts on this blog is an ode to Old Style Pilsner I composed some 14 months ago.  Granted, it’s not in the top 10 or top 20–but rather near the bottom of the top 40.  Even still, some 265 people (and counting) have come to this site trying to find out where to buy Old Style Pilsner in Ontario.  And until very recently, the answer was nowhere.

But that all changed sometime earlier this month.  Though I can’t find an announcement anywhere, The Beer Store now lists Pil amongst its products, with 15 cans currently on sale for 21 bucks.  They also sell bottles, albeit only in 24s.  You do not wanna drink 24 of those beers, though, trust me!

Now, I’m not sure whether demand was driven by a recent influx of Saskies to The Centre of the Known Universe, or perhaps a resurgence in popularity of the Canadian cult classic FUBAR and its sequel, FUBAR II.  Hey, maybe all those hits on my blog had something to do with it.  In any case, I’ll no longer hafta drink the bitter Czech semi-doppleganger whenever the Riders penetrate the Stampeder defence this summer–though it seems I’ll need to schlep down to Gerard and Seaton to get it. :(

Yunel Escobar sez… ¡Estoy seguro!

He doesn’t even play for the Jays anymore, but all it takes is a roadtrip to Toronto for shortstop Yunel “Pendejo” Escobar to create more controversy—and this time, all he had on his eye-black was TB.  Erm, that’s TB as in Tampa Bay, not a slight against tuberculosis sufferers…

In any case, the homophobic Cuban infielder set off sparks with his home-run celebration yesterday.  No, he did not mimic performing fellatio on a teammate, nor did he shove a baseball bat up his buttcrack—he simply wanted to make clear that he didn’t miss touching any bags while rounding the bases:

Rays manager Joe Maddon told the Toronto Star “he would talk to Escobar and ‘I’m certain you’re not going to see happen again.’”  Meanwhile, Escobar, through interpreter/teammate Joel Peralta, told the assembled media “It’s something I do every time I cross home plate.”  While not entirely true, it’s safe to say that if it wasn’t Yunel “Come la mierda” Escobar making that move, nobody in Toronto would give a shit. ;)

I’m feeling the first-hand effects of the elevator maintenance workers’ strike…

When I first saw the striking elevator workers on Bay Street, I paid them no mind.  Hey, who’s gonna miss those guys?  It’s not as if they’re an essential service, like the LCBO…  But that, of course, was before the elevator in my new apartment stopped working.

Well, it’s not that the lift is entirely out of service; you just can’t push any of the buttons on the ground floor.  As a third-floor dweller, this wouldn’t be such a big deal, except that the designers of my building, in all their wisdom, decided that the stairs should lead directly outside, not to the lobby.  Which is great when I’m running almost-not-on-time for work–but not so much when I need to use the refuse room.

Of course, the biggest issue is going up.  I can’t open the doors to the stairwell from the outside, so I need to rely on the elevator for those mere two flights.  In their foresight, the property manager has come up with a novel solution to this dilemma: elevator attendants.  Sure, they may be dressed in security-guard uniforms, not seersucker suits, but at least they ensure that I won’t be spending the night in the lobby when I stumble in at 2 am, like I did on Saturday.

The funny thing is that when I lived in my old apartment, I’d always glare at anyone who took the elevator up to the third floor, unless they were visibly disabled or carrying a large package.  These days, I don’t really have a choice.  But it would still be nice if someone could come and fix the buttons so I don’t hafta be scrutinized by security every time I say “Three, please.”

When “Is Rob Ford on crack?” becomes a serious question…

“Hey, did you hear Rob Ford erased the bike lines on Jarvis?  Is he on crack!?”

That question took on a whole new meaning today with the revelation by Gawker (followed by a Toronto Star “exclusive”) that The Mayor of This City was taped allegedly smoking some alleged crack cocaine, allegedly at Dixon Rd. near Kipling Ave.  Where are we, Washington D.C.!?

The Star says some of its reporters have seen the tapes, and they “separately concluded the man in the video was Ford.”  He’s even wearing the same sweatshirt as he did in this photo published by the National Post.  But while this would surely be the “Gangnam Style” of mayors-smoking-crack videos, it hasn’t been leaked to the public yet.  Alas, it seems the Somali drug dealers want 100 grand in exchange for the actual footage; both Gawker and The Star watched it on a camera-phone.  Apparently, TorStar doesn’t negotiate with terrorists, and Gawker simply doesn’t have enough money.  And yet, there are not one, not two but three Indiegogo campaigns to buy the tape–although one seems to have been taken down.  (Gawker’s campaign is up over 32 Gs, though, and they’re now saying it’ll take 200 to get the footage.  Mmmmkay…)

Speaking of tapes, did anyone outside the Toronto Police Service ever hear the infamous Rob Fucking Ford phone call?  I guess that one’s a lot safer in the hands of the cops than a tape taken by some drug dealers would be, eh?

Of course, Ford non-denies this ever happened, brushing it off as “ridiculous,” but when was the last time he actually owned up to outrageous behaviour that was either caught on tape, by photo, or seen by witnesses?  It would actually shock me if one of these days he actually came out and said “Yeah, I did that.  My bad.”–before the police report was made public, that is.

Cuz here’s the thing, this latest allegation is costing him populist points by the pound.  I mean, that time when he drunkenly berated some folks at a Leafs game?  Hey, who hasn’t gotten drunk and gotten into an argument about hockey?  Aside from those condo-dwelling, latte-sipping, bike-riding downtown commie pinkos!!!1  Likewise, who hasn’t had a beverage or seven before going out on the town?  I pre-drink, you pre-drink, everybody pre-drinks–unless it’s an open bar, then he really has no excuse.

But on the other hand, it’s hard to appeal to the common man, much less the right-wing, tough-on-crime constituency, when you’re caught smoking crack.  Cuz everybody knows, crack is whack, yo!  Sure, there might be some damned blue-collar tweekers out there, but try getting them out to the polls!

Bottom line, I would not be surprised if this video actually does surface, and whether he wins the ensuing lawsuit or not, the last shred of Rob Ford’s credibility will surely go up in smoke.  I never thought I’d say this, but the judge shoulda tossed him out when he had the chance, just to save our city from further embarrassment.  And this time, I’m not even joking.

Jose Canseco for Mayor!

COMMENT OF THE DAY: At least Rob Ford doesn’t smoke weed…

From: http://www.torontosun.com/2013/05/17/rob-fords-got-quite-the-rap-sheet–if-its-true

Rob Ford might have allegedly done all sorts of bad things, but one thing he’s never allegedly done is allegedly smoke joints.  This Toronto Sun reader provides proof:

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Mind you, not all Dopesmokers weigh 600 pounds…

 

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Because you can’t spell anarchy without LCBO (Hey, waitaminnit!)

From: http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2013/05/16/lcbo_looming_strike_fires_up_rhetoric_in_queens_park.html

Turns out the Mayans were only off by six months.  The world officially comes to an end at midnight tonight when employees of the LCBO, the government-owned liquor retailer for The Centre of the Known UniverseTM, will go on strike for the first time in their 87-year history.  Bring on the looting and rioting in the streets—and extra-long lineups at The Beer Store…

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Can you just imagine what would happen if a truly important resource were to walk off the job, like the TTC?  *head explodes*

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Rob Ford better not put his magnet on this guy’s car!

From: http://www.torontosun.com/2013/05/15/rob-ford-under-fire-for-leaving-humbertown-meeting-to-put-magnets-on-cars

On the latest episode of As the Gravy Train Turns, Rob Ford, The Mayor of This CityTM, leaves another meeting early.  But this time, it’s not to coach his championship-winning football team.  Instead, he was spotted sticking fridge magnets on constituents’ cars in the parking lot.  As the Toronto Sun reports, some of them are already up for grabs on Kijiji.  “Pair of very lightly used Rob Ford car magnets (may also double as a fridge magnet but no promises). Hand installed by The Mayor himself last night at the Humbertown redevelopment meeting in Etobicoke,” the seller wrote.  “Will happily trade for one iota of progress on The City’s transit file.”  Can you say Reserve Not Met?

And then there’s this guy, who wasn’t at the meeting—and it’s probably just as well…

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Remember, it’s his car, he paid for it.