Category Archives: In The News

Believe it or not, I actually have a journalism degree.

COMMENT OF THE DAY: “Give Rob Ford more crack!” said no one ever (except for this guy…)

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.torontosun.com/2013/05/22/mayor-rob-ford-axed-as-don-bosco-football-coach

After the alleged antics of the alleged Mayor of This CityTM earned him a leadoff spot on The Daily Show, the axe has come down on Rob Ford—at Don Bosco High, where he’ll no longer be head football coach.  Guess he’ll hafta stick to being The Mayor of This CityTM then, eh?

But hey, Rob Ford can still do no wrong in the eyes of a select few, and I mean few, Toronto Sun supporters.  Case in point:

cotd522

(Then again, when even his few defenders are being bashed—on the Toronto Sun comment section, no less—it’s starting to look like the gig is up.)

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FRENCH WORD OF THE DAY: Pilotage

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Pilotage: The guidance of a ship or an aircraft.  This term also exists in English.

As seen in: « L’enquête interne de Croisières AML confirme qu’une erreur de pilotage est à l’origine de l’échouement du Louis-Jolliet, la semaine dernière, à la pointe de l’île d’Orléans. »

(Translation: “An internal Croisières AML enquiry has confirmed that pilot error caused the sinking of the Louis-Jolliet last week at the edge of the Island of Orleans.”)

http://www.radio-canada.ca/regions/quebec/2013/05/22/002-echouement-louis-jolliet-erreur.shtml

This just in: You CAN buy Old Style Pilsner in Ontario!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

One of the most-read posts on this blog is an ode to Old Style Pilsner I composed some 14 months ago.  Granted, it’s not in the top 10 or top 20–but rather near the bottom of the top 40.  Even still, some 265 people (and counting) have come to this site trying to find out where to buy Old Style Pilsner in Ontario.  And until very recently, the answer was nowhere.

But that all changed sometime earlier this month.  Though I can’t find an announcement anywhere, The Beer Store now lists Pil amongst its products, with 15 cans currently on sale for 21 bucks.  They also sell bottles, albeit only in 24s.  You do not wanna drink 24 of those beers, though, trust me!

Now, I’m not sure whether demand was driven by a recent influx of Saskies to The Centre of the Known Universe, or perhaps a resurgence in popularity of the Canadian cult classic FUBAR and its sequel, FUBAR II.  Hey, maybe all those hits on my blog had something to do with it.  In any case, I’ll no longer hafta drink the bitter Czech semi-doppleganger whenever the Riders penetrate the Stampeder defence this summer–though it seems I’ll need to schlep down to Gerard and Seaton to get it. :(

COMMENT OF THE DAY: What if Kim Jong-Un drank Gandhi’s blood?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From:  http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/21/world/europe/uk-gandhi-auction/index.html

It’s a pacifist blowout at Sotheby’s, where a wide variety of Mahatma Gandhi merchandise is going up for auction.  As per CNN, items include “A pair of shabby leather sandals once worn by Gandhi” as well as “A glass microscope slide with a trace of … Gandhi’s blood.”  Frankly, I don’t see how any non-vampire would wanna buy a dead man’s blood, unless…

cotd521

I dunno guy, but I don’t think a trace of Gandhi’s blood would be enough to turn Kim into a pacifist.  But hey, at least he would have one drop of peaceful blood in his body.

Yunel Escobar sez… ¡Estoy seguro!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

He doesn’t even play for the Jays anymore, but all it takes is a roadtrip to Toronto for shortstop Yunel “Pendejo” Escobar to create more controversy—and this time, all he had on his eye-black was TB.  Erm, that’s TB as in Tampa Bay, not a slight against tuberculosis sufferers…

In any case, the homophobic Cuban infielder set off sparks with his home-run celebration yesterday.  No, he did not mimic performing fellatio on a teammate, nor did he shove a baseball bat up his buttcrack—he simply wanted to make clear that he didn’t miss touching any bags while rounding the bases:

Rays manager Joe Maddon told the Toronto Star “he would talk to Escobar and ‘I’m certain you’re not going to see happen again.’”  Meanwhile, Escobar, through interpreter/teammate Joel Peralta, told the assembled media “It’s something I do every time I cross home plate.”  While not entirely true, it’s safe to say that if it wasn’t Yunel “Come la mierda” Escobar making that move, nobody in Toronto would give a shit. ;)

Russia shunned by neighbour in Eurovision contest; bombs over Azerbaijan?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Something tells me that the next European conflict will be blamed on the Eurovision contest.  A multinational American Idol, pitting pop-singers from across the continent against each other in a made-for-TV drama, this year’s edition saw a minor upset as the Azerbaijani contestant, Farid Mammadov, came in second.  Russia’s Dina Garipova, meanwhile, finished fifth—and Der Kommissar’s none too pleased.

As Reuters reports, “Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov said on Tuesday that 10 points were ‘stolen’ from Russia’s contestant in the weekend final of the annual musical extravaganza, who received no points from Azerbaijan – a result Azeri officials said was an error.”  No word as to whether the Azeri admission came before or after ex-KGB strongman Putin paid them a visit.  In any case, Reuters notes that “Azerbaijan’s ambassador to Russia said President Ilham Aliyev had ordered authorities to find out what happened and suggested the votes had been lost during a tally in Germany.”  Oh sure, blame it on the Germans…

Suffice to say, this singing spectacle is serious business.  Foreign Minister Lavrov also reportedly said the nations agreed to “coordinate joint efforts to make sure this outrageous action does not go unanswered.”  There will be blood!  Just hopefully not on the streets of Moscow.  As one Twitter user pointed out (translated by Reuters), “Half the country’s in poverty and we’re talking about stolen votes. #lolwut”

Then again, had Garipova received those 10 additional points, her neighbourhood might have been allocated enough bread for a week, so y’know, this was a pretty impactful performance. ;)

FRENCH WORD OF THE DAY: Délateur

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Délateur: Someone who denounces his colleagues/collaborators, often for personal gain, ie informant, narc, snitch, etc.

As seen in: « Ce délateur, ancien ingénieur chez Tecsult devenu Aecom, a collaboré avec l’Unité permanente anticorruption (UPAC) pour mener à bien l’opération Honorer le 9 mai dernier. »

(Translation: “This informant, a former engineer with Tecsult, now known as Aecom, collaborated with the Permanent Anti-Corruption Unit (UPAC) to complete Operation Honorer by May 9th.”)

http://www.courrierlaval.com/Actualit%C3%A9s/2013-05-21/article-3252874/Roger-Desbois-le-prochain-temoinE-Jour-3-commission-Charbonneau-a-Laval/1

I’m feeling the first-hand effects of the elevator maintenance workers’ strike…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

When I first saw the striking elevator workers on Bay Street, I paid them no mind.  Hey, who’s gonna miss those guys?  It’s not as if they’re an essential service, like the LCBO…  But that, of course, was before the elevator in my new apartment stopped working.

Well, it’s not that the lift is entirely out of service; you just can’t push any of the buttons on the ground floor.  As a third-floor dweller, this wouldn’t be such a big deal, except that the designers of my building, in all their wisdom, decided that the stairs should lead directly outside, not to the lobby.  Which is great when I’m running almost-not-on-time for work–but not so much when I need to use the refuse room.

Of course, the biggest issue is going up.  I can’t open the doors to the stairwell from the outside, so I need to rely on the elevator for those mere two flights.  In their foresight, the property manager has come up with a novel solution to this dilemma: elevator attendants.  Sure, they may be dressed in security-guard uniforms, not seersucker suits, but at least they ensure that I won’t be spending the night in the lobby when I stumble in at 2 am, like I did on Saturday.

The funny thing is that when I lived in my old apartment, I’d always glare at anyone who took the elevator up to the third floor, unless they were visibly disabled or carrying a large package.  These days, I don’t really have a choice.  But it would still be nice if someone could come and fix the buttons so I don’t hafta be scrutinized by security every time I say “Three, please.”

When “Is Rob Ford on crack?” becomes a serious question…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

“Hey, did you hear Rob Ford erased the bike lines on Jarvis?  Is he on crack!?”

That question took on a whole new meaning today with the revelation by Gawker (followed by a Toronto Star “exclusive”) that The Mayor of This City was taped allegedly smoking some alleged crack cocaine, allegedly at Dixon Rd. near Kipling Ave.  Where are we, Washington D.C.!?

The Star says some of its reporters have seen the tapes, and they “separately concluded the man in the video was Ford.”  He’s even wearing the same sweatshirt as he did in this photo published by the National Post.  But while this would surely be the “Gangnam Style” of mayors-smoking-crack videos, it hasn’t been leaked to the public yet.  Alas, it seems the Somali drug dealers want 100 grand in exchange for the actual footage; both Gawker and The Star watched it on a camera-phone.  Apparently, TorStar doesn’t negotiate with terrorists, and Gawker simply doesn’t have enough money.  And yet, there are not one, not two but three Indiegogo campaigns to buy the tape–although one seems to have been taken down.  (Gawker’s campaign is up over 32 Gs, though, and they’re now saying it’ll take 200 to get the footage.  Mmmmkay…)

Speaking of tapes, did anyone outside the Toronto Police Service ever hear the infamous Rob Fucking Ford phone call?  I guess that one’s a lot safer in the hands of the cops than a tape taken by some drug dealers would be, eh?

Of course, Ford non-denies this ever happened, brushing it off as “ridiculous,” but when was the last time he actually owned up to outrageous behaviour that was either caught on tape, by photo, or seen by witnesses?  It would actually shock me if one of these days he actually came out and said “Yeah, I did that.  My bad.”–before the police report was made public, that is.

Cuz here’s the thing, this latest allegation is costing him populist points by the pound.  I mean, that time when he drunkenly berated some folks at a Leafs game?  Hey, who hasn’t gotten drunk and gotten into an argument about hockey?  Aside from those condo-dwelling, latte-sipping, bike-riding downtown commie pinkos!!!1  Likewise, who hasn’t had a beverage or seven before going out on the town?  I pre-drink, you pre-drink, everybody pre-drinks–unless it’s an open bar, then he really has no excuse.

But on the other hand, it’s hard to appeal to the common man, much less the right-wing, tough-on-crime constituency, when you’re caught smoking crack.  Cuz everybody knows, crack is whack, yo!  Sure, there might be some damned blue-collar tweekers out there, but try getting them out to the polls!

Bottom line, I would not be surprised if this video actually does surface, and whether he wins the ensuing lawsuit or not, the last shred of Rob Ford’s credibility will surely go up in smoke.  I never thought I’d say this, but the judge shoulda tossed him out when he had the chance, just to save our city from further embarrassment.  And this time, I’m not even joking.

Jose Canseco for Mayor!

COMMENT OF THE DAY: At least Rob Ford doesn’t smoke weed…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.torontosun.com/2013/05/17/rob-fords-got-quite-the-rap-sheet–if-its-true

Rob Ford might have allegedly done all sorts of bad things, but one thing he’s never allegedly done is allegedly smoke joints.  This Toronto Sun reader provides proof:

cotd517

Mind you, not all Dopesmokers weigh 600 pounds…