Category Archives: Only in…

Only in America/Saskatchewan/wherever

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Giving drug smuggling a whole new meaning…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2020969103_potcarbonxml.html

Now here’s a problem I wish we had.  Washington, one of two states to legalize marijuana, is now concerned about the carbon footprint created by indoor grow-ops.  Apparently, for the amount of energy used to produce just one joint, you could have 18 pints of beer instead.  But I’d still hope the government-grown weed might be slightly cheaper than 8.5 litres of booze…

On the other hand, certain Seattle city councilors are concerned about pot-trucks being hijacked somewhere outside of Tacoma:

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Hmm, I wonder if the Washington justice department has considered what penalty it might impose on the theft of legal weed.  Now that would surely make a judge’s head spin!

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Does this recession increase my risk of heart disease?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

The Associated Press is reporting that “Years of progress fighting cholesterol might have stalled with the recession, says a huge study from one of the largest health laboratories in the U.S.”  Because when times are tight, that dollar menu at McDonald’s sure seems awfully tempting.

According to the Quest Diagnostics study, LDL cholesterol levels, which declined 13 per cent from 2001 to 2008, have started trending upwards again.  “The Great Recession began about the same time,” study author Harvey Kaufman told the AP, which also noted “He wonders if higher unemployment and financial stress affected medication use, diet or other factors to explain the findings.”  Apparently, when you lose your job, life-saving heart-disease medication is the first thing you cut back on—at least in the States, where you can’t get a reasonably-priced check-up without health insurance.

Then again, the study does have its detractors.  As Dr. Donna Arnett, president of the American Heart Association told the AP, “This kind of study isn’t representative of the entire population and could merely reflect that healthier people skipped cholesterol tests during tight financial times,” cuz without health insurance, even those cholesterol tests can be expensive.  At least I’d assume so.  We don’t seem to have that problem up here in Canada…

How do you say The Town in Afrikaans?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Spoiler alert: If you haven’t seen The Town, by Academy Award-winning producer Ben Affleck, then you probably didn’t rob FNB Stadium in Soweto, South Africa.  But while Affleck, Jeremy Renner and co went down in a hail of bullets after holding up Fenway Park, the South African thieves seem to have successfully made off with some 3-million rand, a cool $330-grand Canadian.  This daring thievery occurred mere hours after a Justin Bieber concert packed the place.  Here’s hoping he was already paid his performance fee.  (On second thought, who gives a rat’s ass?)

As South Africa’s Eyewitness News reports, “The suspects used ropes and chiselled away at double-thick walls into the safe room.  Using ropes, they lowered themselves through the hole down a three metre drop.  The suspects managed to make off with cash without being detected,” presumably by using ropes.  Alas, when the walls to your safe can be cracked with a chisel, you know you’re in a third-world African country.

Not only had the Biebster just gotten off the stage, but the same venue also played host to a Bon Jovi concert the night before, so there was clearly a lot of cash on hand.  South African police are currently investigating whether the crime could’ve been committed by a crew of crazed teens or a pack of wild cougars.  And when I say cougars, I don’t mean middle-aged housewives in hot pants, but actual predatory felines.  Cuz you know you’re in a third-world African country when the wildlife takes a page from Ben Affleck and Ocean’s 11’s playbook…

Hire actors with fake guns to storm movie theater, they said. It will be fun, they said.

Posted by gruesomegreg on

One certainly has to question the intelligence of a movie-theatre owner in Missouri after an unbelievably ill-advised, yet apparently meticulously pre-planned, stunt in which he hired fake gunmen to storm the premiere of Iron Man 3—what could be considered, in some regards, as the North American answer to the Nazi opera in Dusseldorf. Capital 8 Theaters manager Bob Wilkins told his local ABC affiliate “this was planned months in advance and only a few people were upset, but hundreds were entertained.”  I’m not so sure those were screams of approval there, Bob.

Of course, the Aurora shooting is much fresher in people’s minds than the Nazi atrocities in Germany; hell, the suspected shooter is still on trial.  Furthermore, if there’d been an officer on the scene, somebody definitely would’ve been shot—and not with a cap-gun, either.  As ABC reports,  “it’s a good thing an off-duty officer wasn’t at the theater because it’s likely the officer would have engaged the actor. Had the actor not complied, the situation could have turned out much worse.”  Not just for the rent-a-villian, I’d imagine.

The theatre has since issued an apology on Facebook, stating “We have had many complaints about the members dressed specifically as S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives carrying fake guns. We didn’t clearly tell our customers and some people didn’t realize it was for entertainment purposes only. We apologize that police were called to come out to our theater.”  Presumably, they won’t be cancelling Iron Man 3 though, whereas in Germany…

Here’s a shocker: Nazi-themed opera cancelled in Germany!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

The Daily Telegraph is reporting that “A Nazi-themed production of the Wagner opera Tannhaeuser, which featured scenes of gas chambers and the execution of a family, has been cancelled after audience members had to receive medical treatment for shock.”  Yeah, I can kinda see how that wouldn’t go over well in Duesseldorf…

“At the opening of the Duesseldorf performance, naked actors could be seen inside glass cubes, falling to the floor as white fog flowed in. A family had their heads shaved and were then shot. Venus, the goddess of love, appeared in Nazi uniform accompanied by SS thugs. Other scenes showed suicide and rape, according to the German magazine Der Spiegel.”  And here I thought opera was about people in silly costumes belting out screeching tales of unrequited love in Italian.  This sounds more like a 70’s B-movie or something.

In fact, while Hitler was known to be a Wagner fan, it’s safe to say the creative director took some artistic license with this one.  As per The Telegraph, “The Wagner opera is traditionally set in the Middle Ages and features a singing contest at a German castle.”  I take it they replaced that scene with a gassing contest at a German concentration camp?

In any case, the opera got itself shot down like Hitler in his bunker, with the Deutsche Oper am Rhein stating in a statement “After considering all the arguments we have come to the conclusion that we cannot justify our artistic work having such an extreme impact.”  Gee, you think they could’ve come to this conclusion before the production was presented to the public!?

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Winnipeg Greenpeace sez… Save the snake, dumpster-cage the owner!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/local/Live-python-found-in-garbage-bin-206562041.html

Big story outta Winnipeg today: A live python was found in a dumpster along with a broken aquarium.  Good news, the snake’s safe and sound, and Winnipeg Police are launching a full-scale investigation into the attempted snake-murderer…  or not.

Then again, there appears to be a certain segment of the population who values reptilian life more than that of reptile owners.  Case in point:

cotd58

I dunno guy, but I don’t think locking up negligent snake-owners improves my quality of life.  I mean, where do I put my garbage if the dumpsters are welded shut!?

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Cuz there ain’t no party like an East Coast party…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/story/2013/05/06/nl-sex-trade-boom-investigation-507.html

Apparently, offshore oil isn’t the only thing that’s gushing on The Rock.  As a CBC investigative report reveals, the Newfoundland sex trade is booming, with some girls taking home more money in a month than many Newfies earn in a year.  That said, several CBC commenters seem to be in favour of the legalization of prostitution, particularly for taxation purposes.  And then there’s this guy, who’s spent so much time kissing cod at piss-ups that he’s never actually kissed a girl:

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Unfortunately, this question remains unanswered—until someone registers 2girls1trout.com. ;)

With a winning lottery ticket—and 130 dollars—you can buy one bottle of Sam Adams in New Brunswick…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Now, I’ve had some eight- and nine-per-cent beers from Quebec, but I can’t imagine how a 27-per-cent beer must taste.  But according to the CBC, “The 54-proof Samuel Adams Utopias is among the strongest beers in the world. One 24-ounce bottle packs as much alcohol as a 12-pack of Bud Light.”  Pfft, who drinks one Bud Light, much less 12 of them?

That said, not everybody can quaff Sam’s Utopia, either.  For one thing, there’s a very limited supply.  And then there’s the hefty price tag—to the tune of $115 in Ontario, and $130 in New Brunswick.  But despite the princely sum, the LCBO’s stock sold out faster than a KISS concert a couple months ago.  So in the Loyalist Province, they’ve put up their meagre shipment up for grabs in a lottery.  Only the lucky winners don’t get a million dollars, or even a new car, but rather the privilege to pay KISS-concert prices for one bottle of beer.  Calling Dr. Love…

Apparently, with just 12 bottles available, several golden ticketholders will be going home empty-handed—or at least with a less-expensive beer.  “As of [Friday] morning we’re nearing 300 [entrants] and we expect that to rise,” a NB Liquor spokeswoman told the CBC.  Then again, as one CBC commenter remarks, “I’d rather get the enjoyment from the 72 regular beer you could buy for the same money.”  Wait, you can buy 72 beers for $130 in New Brunswick!?  As long as we’re not talking Lakeport here, I might consider moving.

In any case, I hope NB Liquor keeps its high-volume dozen in safer cases than a certain lakefront LCBO.  I mean, the cops never caught that guy in the Burberry shirt, did they?  (Methinks there might not be a lotta scotch left by the time they do…)

Is that a dinosaur bone in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

CBS News is reporting that “U.S. authorities in New York have returned a 70-million-year-old nearly complete Tyrannosaurus bataar skeleton to the Mongolian government.”  The skull and bones were allegedly smuggled into the country by Eric Prokopi, and sold for a cool million bucks before Immigration and Customs Enforcement stepped in.  And you thought all they did was shut down sports streaming websites before the Super Bowl.

As per CBS, “Investigators found 400-lbs of fossils in Prokopi’s home, he pleaded guilty to charges related to fossil smuggling.”  Because there are actually charges relating to that, including “conspiracy, the fraudulent transfer of dinosaur bones and making false statements to customs authorities.”  Hmm, I wonder what happens to fraudulent-dinosaur-bones transferors in prison…

As for the million-dollar-tyranno-baby, authorities in both countries are happy it’s headed back where it belongs.  “We are very pleased to have played a pivotal role in returning Mongolia’s million dollar baby,” U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara said in a statement. “Of course, that million dollar price tag, as high as it is, doesn’t begin to describe the true value of an ancient artifact that is part of the fabric of a country’s natural history and cultural heritage – priceless.”

Meanwhile, Mongolian President Tsakhia Elbegdorj expressed gratitude for the safe return of the skeleton. “Our two countries are separated by many miles, but share a passion for justice and a commitment to putting an end to illegal smuggling,” he said.  So now that they’ve clamped down on the lucrative dinosaur-bone market, perhaps ICE could start looking into those gun-and-drug smugglers?

Two countries, two concerts, two drunken(?) idiots…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

The Associated Press is reporting that Justin Bieber was tackled onstage during a heartfelt piano ballad in Dubai.  According to the AP, “Mobile phone video popped up across the Web on Monday showing a male fan rushing toward the 19-year-old performer, who was sitting at a piano on the edge of the stage.”  Wait…  Justin Bieber has male fans!?   The AP also reports that “Security guards tackled the young man from behind, spilling into Bieber and tipping over the piano.”  No word as to the make and model, but I’m guessing it was a baby, baby, baby grand.

Although the accused attacker has yet to explain his motive to TMZ, it’s worth noting that a recent campaign against beautiful people is being waged in the Middle East.  A couple weeks ago, three men were “forcibly ejected from a cultural festival in Saudi Arabia amid concerns they were ‘too handsome’ for women to resist,” according to The Telegraph.  The men then returned to the UAE, where rumour has it they served as backup dancers for the Biebster.

Coincidentally, a similar incident occurred over the weekend in Estevan, Saskatchewan, of all places, where a drunken lout lashed out at Motley Crue’s Vince Neil, taking out guitarist Mick “Brittle Bones” Mars in the process.  Because the only way to put Estevan on the map was to rush the stage at a Motley Crue concert.  Hey, it’s not like they could outdo the La Loche riot, or anything.

According to local sources, the Estevan man’s punishment consists of having all Riders games blacked out on his TV and being forced to stay at least 10 feet away from any case of Pilsner.  Or, as they call it in Saskatchewan, the death sentence.  But hey, at least he doesn’t have to listen to Justin Bieber…