Category Archives: In The News

Believe it or not, I actually have a journalism degree.

Patrick Bateman got his crowdfunding… Now, how about the drug dealers?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

It came down to the wire, but it looks like American Psycho: The Musical is a go.  The Kickstarter campaign, which needed to raise 150-grand by midnight, now has almost 153K and as such, the project will be funded.  Curiously enough, the play will debut in London, but I’ll be keeping an eye out for the NYC premiere.  Methinks a Toronto run might be getting my hopes up–but hey, most of the movie was shot up here, soooo…

Speaking of The Big Smoke, a separate IndieGoGo campaign launched by Gawker to raise money for the mythical Rob Ford crack tape needs to raise 33-grand in the next three days in order to bring this cinematic masterpiece to life.  However, this noble plan seems to have hit a snag.  According to Gawker, “As we mentioned when we launched the campaign, folks who are involved in the crack trade tend not to be the most reliable people in the world. This has proven to be the case when it comes to the owner of the video of Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine.”  It seems the man with the magical cameraphone has been MIA for several days, possibly walking away from 200 big ones–if they raise it all.

Coincidentally, The Mayor of this City finally made a public statement today, telling the gathered hordes “First of all, let’s get one thing straight. Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let’s get that straight. Okay? We don’t do crack. We don’t do that. Crack is whack.”  Oh wait, that was Whitney Houston.

Instead, Mayor Ford said “I do not use crack cocaine,” as the CBC reports. “Nor am I an addict of crack cocaine.”  But hey, I heard you don’t get addicted after the first time… ;)

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COMMENT OF THE DAY: Or, as they call it in New Jersey, replace the Belvedere Vodka fountain…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.thestar.com/sports/bluejays/2013/05/24/beer_price_hike_at_rogers_centre_a_tipping_point_for_concession_workers.html

It may not be watered down, but there’s no denying that beer at the Rogers Centre is stupidly expensive.  In fact, they just raised the prices from $9.50 to 10 bucks a can this season—which means a lot less tips for the beer vendors.  But hey, why not cut out the vendors all together, and serve the beer from a fountain, one Toronto Star reader suggests…

cotd524

Mind you, knowing Rogers, they’d probably charge 10 bucks a sip!

Remind me not to go drinking in New Jersey…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

When you order booze in the Garden State, you could be getting less than you bargained for.  As The Associated Press reports, “At one bar, a mixture that included rubbing alcohol and caramel coloring was sold as scotch. In another, premium liquor bottles were refilled with water — and apparently not even clean water at that.”  Jeebus Crest, if you’re gonna serve me a water-water, at least make sure it’s clean water!

The news of this fake-drink escapade comes at the conclusion of Operation Swill, a crackdown launched by the state’s Division of Alcoholic Beverage Control.  According to the AP, “As part of Operation Swill, investigators collected 1,000 open bottles of vodka, gin, rum, scotch, whiskey and tequila from the wells of the bars, state Attorney General Jeffrey Chiesa said.”  Or rather, bottles of water, rubbing alcohol, caramel colouring and Gotti knows what else!

Although 29 establishments were charged, your chances of drinking dirty water are greatly diminished if you don’t dine at T.G.I. Friday’s.  According to the AP, 13 of the Fraudulent 29 think it’s always Friday in here.  “We want every assurance possible that our guests can continue to feel confident in the great food and drink they order at our T.G.I. Friday’s restaurants,” Rick Barbrick, president of The Briad Restaurant Group, told The Associated Press.  Let’s hope they get it, too, lest we find out that’s not really Jack Daniels in their Jack Daniels barbeque sauce… :(

Who needs friends when you’ve got weed?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

As new study (for which I somehow missed the casting call) has revealed that smoking weed makes social outcasts feel better about themselves.  As the Calgary Herald reports, “Weed was consistently found to lessen the negative emotional consequences of exclusion – an effect likely related to the similar ways in which the brain recognizes physical and emotional pain. The researchers suggest this hidden benefit explains some of the drug’s popularity, with users warding off the blues one toke at a time.”  Cuz when all you’ve got is the blues, what you need is some green!

Alas, while it’s not just the uncool kids who are doing it, they’re the only ones reaping the benefits of herbal therapy.  Timothy Deckman, lead author of the Social Psychological & Personality Science paper, says “it’s also important to note that when people’s need to belong is being met, marijuana use doesn’t have positive mental consequences.”  I’m pretty sure it still gets you high, though…

But despite their breakthrough study, Dr. Deckman and co. wouldn’t recommend marijuana to their patients.  “Social pain is easy to treat,” the study’s co-author states. “Giving people a taste of acceptance and inclusion, making them feel like they’re a part of the group, will often times eliminate the negative effects of loneliness pretty rapidly.”

Yeah, but you can’t buy acceptance and inclusion in Allen Gardens!

FRENCH WORD OF THE DAY: Taxage

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Taxage: A form of extortion using intimidation or violence, often employed by children (ie bullies).

As seen in: « Selon l’Enquête québécoise sur la santé des jeunes du secondaire 2010-2011 (EQSJS), 36 % des élèves disent avoir été victimes de violence (injures, coups, taxage) à l’école ou sur le chemin de l’école durant l’année scolaire, un phénomène qui touche davantage les garçons (42,4 %) que les filles (29,4 %). »

(Translation: “According to the 2010-2011 Quebec Health Survey of High School Students (QHSHSS), 36% of students said they were victims of violence (insults, blows, extortion) in school or on the way to school during the school year, a phenomenon that affects more boys (42.4%) than girls (29.4%).”)

http://fr.canoe.ca/infos/quebeccanada/education/archives/2013/05/20130523-180314.html

COMMENT OF THE DAY: C’mon, who doesn’t leave their Porsche on a ferry?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/story/2013/05/23/bc-vancouver-porsche-ferry.html

Delta Police are investigating after a man left his Porsche on the ferry and reportedly took the bus home.  Apparently, the fellow couldn’t find his luxury car in the parking area.  Furthermore, the owner’s phone seems to have been disconnected.  I suppose he overpaid his bill.  Hey, it happens to the best of us…  right?

cotd523

(Admittedly, that reply was a pretty cheesy, erm, fishy pun—but it took you a minute, didn’t it?)

That’s it, no more Timbits!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

The Canadian Press is reporting that “The federal government is threatening ‘retaliatory measures’ against the United States in a dispute over meat labelling that Ottawa and the World Trade Organization consider discriminatory.”  Apparently, the U.S. is turning all homosexual cows back at the border unless they’ve been celibate for five years.  Or not…

Instead, the States are insisting that all meat be labeled with the country that it came from, in an attempt to keep undocumented carne asada from sneaking into the country.  But it’s the northern neighbours who feel neglected, with Canada objecting “to the labelling system on the grounds that it is costly, burdensome and will lead to the ‘disintegration’ of the North American supply chain,” as per the CP.  According to the national news agency, “The labelling system cut Canadian cattle shipments to the U.S. by 50 per cent within a year and cut the export of slaughter hogs by 58 per cent.”  Uh, more for me, then?

No word as to how our government is planning to retaliate, but if Upstate NY Tim Horton’s locations experience a sudden, drastic shortage of donut-holes, well, I think we can blame it on country-of-origin labelling. ;)

Well, at least nobody was wearing Google Glasses…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

The Toronto Sun is reporting that “A school board north of Montreal has launched an internal investigation after school staff strip-searched 28 high school students to find a cellphone during a year-end exam.”  Which is quite remarkable, considering that I wasn’t even strip-searched when I forgot to take my cell phone out of my pocket at the airport in New York City.  They did put me through the full-body scanner, but that wasn’t nearly as revealing as what these kids went through.

“They put us in a small room,” one teenage girl, who didn’t give her name, told QMI Agency. “(They said) ‘take off your bra, then raise your arms.’ They even tapped us on the back.”  What, in case the cell-phone fell out of her butt-crack?  I know some schools want to crack down on cheating, but that’s just ridiculous!

In any case, that anti-cheating maneuver clearly backfired.  Now, the school is letting its traumatized students take the test again—having already seen the questions.  “Students will have an option to re-take the exam,” a school-board spokeswoman told QMI, adding that “the climate was not conducive to a good test.”  Not conducive, indeed—unless  we’re talking about a prison drug test.

FRENCH WORD OF THE DAY: Avis d’ébullition

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Avis d’ébullition: A notice sent out by a government advising its citizens to boil water; translates to “boil-water advisory.”

As seen in: « Les Montréalais ont eu droit mercredi à un avis d’ébullition de l’eau d’une ampleur inégalée, touchant plus de 1,3 million de résidants sur l’île pour au moins 24 h. »

(Translation: “Montrealers received an unprecedented boil-water advisory Wednesday, affecting more than 1.3 million residents of the island for at least 24 hours.”)

http://www.lapresse.ca/actualites/montreal/201305/22/01-4653178-avis-debullition-pour-13-million-de-montrealais.php

The Diablo Red record that never was…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Moving to my new apartment a couple weeks back forced me to reorganize my CD collection.  And be reorganize, I mean get rid of a lotta shit.  That said, I had some titles so obscure that even Sonic Boom wouldn’t touch ‘em.  And then there were the demos and CDRs I stumbled across, including this one, the never-released fourth album from my former favourite Toronto band, Diablo Red…

Just stuck this in my CD player for the first time in who-knows-how-long.  Alas, while it skipped like a suicide mother on several occasions, what I was able to ascertain is that it still sounds refreshingly awesome.  Here’s the blow-by-blow:

Always thought “Shotglass Full of Pills” was a great opening track.  A straight-ahead southern chugger with a big, anthemic chorus about their singer’s struggles with Crohn’s Disease…  Wait, was it Crohn’s?  I suppose it could be interpreted as a drug-addiction song too, for that matter.  Still a great, great song.  Personal favourite.

On the other hand, I can’t recall “Long After the Fall” at all.  A good stoner groove kicks this one off, to a slightly slow-paced stomp.  Okay, I definitely recognize this chorus.   Name-drops Jesus without sounding too preachy.  This song is every bit as good as Black Label Society, Black Stone Cherry, and all those other southern-sounding bands that received their share of recognition—whether they began with Black or not.  “Unbroken” actually sounds a little bit like BLS, come to think of it, with a bit more of a gruff, smoky growl than we’re used to hearing from Catch Murphy.

“King Con” is another one I recognize, as it slowly creeps up to the surface, riffs building on top of a lone, repeated guitar line.  From there, it’s all stop-and-start territory, a winding path that would make Nashville Pussy proud.  “Stone of Atonement” begins with an upbeat shuffle signalling a slightly more up-tempo number.  These guys always were good when they (rarely) played fast, although this one’s just a little more than mid-paced with a slow, gloomy instrumental break thrown in for good measure.  Now, “Crossroads” may be a clichéd title, but this song is anything but ordinary, culminating in another catchy chorus that should have raised many fists at biker rallies.  (I heard they played a couple in their day.)

“Death’s Our Name” was meant to be the title track, though they were going with some garbled Spanish translation as I recall.  In any case, Diablo was certainly fluent in the language of the riff, as another solid southern stomper gets my boots shakin’ in no time.  Frankly, I feel that “southern doom” is a fairly non-existent subgenre, but I suppose it should sound something like this.

“Six Bells Till Closing” is another personal favourite.  At one point, they were going to release a pirate-themed EP with this as its centrepiece.  And yet, I used to think this song was called “Dying Man’s Morning,” as it was mislabelled on an earlier demo I used to have.  (And maybe still have somewhere…)  Alas, the Pirate EP never happened, but I stagger stagger-ed, roll roll-ed quite often to this tune, if ya know what I mean.  “Cannons roar/My blade digs in/Shattered bones/Survive you win!”  Always loved that line.

Of course, since this album never actually came out, I reckon the band doesn’t owe Gene Simmons royalties for “1,000 Years,” which is just one zero short of a KISS song title.  That said, this song tunes KISS down several notches for a low ‘n slow southern ballad(?) that grooves along grunge-ily.  It’s somewhat more laid-back and low-key compared to the other killer cuts on here, until it explodes into a mind-melting solo that’s but a bit too brief.

The album ends with two songs that I can’t recall for the life of me.  “Lost Tomorrow” is another sorta-slow, down-tuned, low-key effort—one more hyphen and it wins the prize, albeit at six-minutes plus, it sure takes its sweet time to collect.  As for “Shower of Bastard,” well, I’d imagine it would be quite smelly.  But it turns out this tune has a slight spring to its step, with a repeated “fuck you” refrain.  Erm, perhaps that’s a pre-refrain—which sorta sounds like those beans I had at that Mexican place last night…

Maaaaaaaaaaan, I miss this band.  It would be nice if this freakin’ CDR didn’t skip so much, but considering I found it in a pile of stuff I didn’t even know I had a couple weeks back, I suppose I can’t complain.

“I raise my glass… to my comrades that fel-ee-ee-el!”