Category Archives: Eating Materials

I like food, food is good.

This just in: You CAN buy Old Style Pilsner in Ontario!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

One of the most-read posts on this blog is an ode to Old Style Pilsner I composed some 14 months ago.  Granted, it’s not in the top 10 or top 20–but rather near the bottom of the top 40.  Even still, some 265 people (and counting) have come to this site trying to find out where to buy Old Style Pilsner in Ontario.  And until very recently, the answer was nowhere.

But that all changed sometime earlier this month.  Though I can’t find an announcement anywhere, The Beer Store now lists Pil amongst its products, with 15 cans currently on sale for 21 bucks.  They also sell bottles, albeit only in 24s.  You do not wanna drink 24 of those beers, though, trust me!

Now, I’m not sure whether demand was driven by a recent influx of Saskies to The Centre of the Known Universe, or perhaps a resurgence in popularity of the Canadian cult classic FUBAR and its sequel, FUBAR II.  Hey, maybe all those hits on my blog had something to do with it.  In any case, I’ll no longer hafta drink the bitter Czech semi-doppleganger whenever the Riders penetrate the Stampeder defence this summer–though it seems I’ll need to schlep down to Gerard and Seaton to get it. :(

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Why eat a sub with only six grams of fat when you can have one with 60?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

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Every day at my nearby food court, the lineup for Subway snakes across the mall.  There are so many people waiting so long to put so many inches in their mouths… because it’s good for you, or so they say.  But when KFC decided to co-opt the so-called health-craze that is the submarine sandwich to create a decidedly unhealthy version, I was all over that like a baseball bat on Belladonna.  (Don’t look that up at work.)

Alas, the Colonel has unveiled an all-new lineup of KFC Filler Subs that offer an array of artery-busting goodness.  I had a tough time choosing between the Smoky BBQ Bacon and the Spicy Zinger varieties, but ultimately opted for the former.  The warm pair of breaded chicken breasts (cuz two breasts are always better than one) collided with crisp lettuce, tangy sauce and the occasional sliver of bacon on a soft bun for a heart attack in a paper wrapper that’s finger-lickin’ good.

If there’s one downside to the sandwich, it’s that the unconnected chicken breasts can slide across the bun, so that you take bites of nothing but lettuce and bread.  They could simply solve this problem by cutting the sandwich in half–but then you’re really just ordering two Smoky Bacon Big Crunches, aren’t you?

(Note that while KFC doesn’t provide nutritional information for its new subs, it says here the Big Crunch has 31 grams of fat.  And since there are two Big Crunches in one of these babies, I think that’s an accurate estimate.)

LUNCH AND A MOVIE: Iron Man III

Posted by gruesomegreg on

I might have said this before, but I read a lot of comic books when I was a kid, which has led to me seeing a lotta super-hero movies lately, especially the Marvel ones.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve now seen all three Iron Man movies at the theatre, and possibly in 3D.  Although he was never my favourite (that would be Wolverine), I think Robert Downey Jr.’s portrayal of cocky billionaire genius Tony Stark aka Iron Man, is what makes this franchise such a blockbuster.  Sure beats the actor’s portrayal of Sherlock Holmes, in any case.

Now, it seems quite clear the director/producer/studio was aiming for a Christmas release on this one, as it actually takes place over Christmastime.  (Iron Man III: Die Hard?)  But I guess this wasn’t blockbustery enough for blockbuster season, as it instead received a summer release–and an early-summer release, at that.  There were actually more people in line at Cineplex to see The Great Gatsby, which I’ve heard doesn’t look nearly as good in 3D.  More on that in a sec…

But first, we interrupt this regularly-scheduled movie review to bring you a corned-beef sandwich.

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Now, Caplansky’s might have the food truck and Duff’s the brand recognition, but for my money’s worth, darn-near the best deli sandwich in this city comes from the New Yorker Deli on Bay just north of Charles.  Several slices of succulent, juicy meat piled high on rye bread with a slice of swiss that adheres to the meat without melting.  Delish!  Now, where were we?

Right, so Iron Man III actually has a bit more of a plot than past installments, and isn’t simply a good excuse to blow stuff up.  Not that there aren’t still some spectacular explosions, mind you.  But much like the latest James Bond film tries to portray our hero as weakened and diminished, Shane Black and Drew Pearce attempt to do the same here, showing Stark at his most vulnerable.  In the midst of a marital crisis, America just so happens to be faced with a severe terrorist threat.  As if Stark’s panic attacks weren’t bad enough already, he now has to save the world from the Mandarin.

There is definitely a bit of a Western vibe here, the classic tripe of “left for dead, back for revenge”–which we also saw in Skyfall.  Only in this one, our hero is helped by a cute little kid, cuz having a prepubescent sidekick is always a big box-office boost.  And Gwyneth Paltrow gets to show off the rock-hard bod that made her People’s Most Beautiful Woman (although I happen to think co-star Rebecca Hall, who played Ben Affleck’s love interest in the The Town, is actually more attractive) in another classic action movie cliche: “You kidnapped my wife, now you’re gonna pay!”

Marvel fanboys will appreciate the fact that The Mandarin finally makes his film debut in this one.  But while in the Marvelverse, The Mandarin is to Iron Man what The Red Skull is to Captain America (or Loki is to Thor, without the sibling rivalry), the film portrays him much differently.  In the updated, modernized “War on Terror” backdrop, he’s less the evil mastermind and much more of a figurehead, which is kinda disappointing for those of us who used to read the comics.  The real villains in this flick are actually a genetically-modified race of super-humans…  Gee, where have we seen that before?

Alas, while Downey Jr. still shines as Stark, the cliche-ridden storyline turns this one into The Good Terminator Taken Hard III–which perhaps explains why Django Unchained got the coveted Christmas slot instead.  Never thought I’d say this, but where’s Timothy Bryce when you need him?

Oh, and for what it’s worth, I think I enjoyed the sandwich more than the film.  Lunch 1, Movie 0.

GUILTY PLEASURES: Hickory Sticks

Posted by gruesomegreg on

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Maaaaan, I loves me some Hickory Sticks!  I first tasted this salty snack back in junior high, when I realized they were cheaper than your average bag of chips in the vending machine.  Sure, the bag might be smaller, but it’s hardly lacking in hickory-smoked flavour.  People used to pay to watch me eat hickory sticks.  No, really.

Let’s just say that wherever I go, I single-handedly make sure that the nearest Metro has lotsa Sticks on the shelves.  When I found out that the grocery store next door didn’t stock ‘em, I made the three-block trek to stock up on Sunday–hence the three bags in this photo.

OK, so I suppose that with 270 calories, 17 grams of fat and 420(!!!) milligrams of sodium per 50 grams of chip, it’s not the healthiest snack in the world.  But hey, today is International No Diet Day, so I’ll be chowing down without shame–like I do almost every day, for that matter. ;)

New legislation to lower pizza prices? Best news I’ve heard all day!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

We might not be able to watch it being made on a webcam, but Canadians could soon be paying less for pizza, as early as next month.  The CBC is reporting that “A ruling made this week by the Canadian Dairy Commission could soon allow Canadian restaurants to buy deeply discounted mozzarella cheese.”  And since mozza is the main ingredient in pizza, that’s amore to my ears!

Acknowledging that pizza is part of the five essential food groups (along with chicken wings, nachos, steak and beer), the CDC has given mozzarella its own special category, dropping protectionist practices that drove its prices through the roof.  According to the CBC, “The new class, to take effect June 1, is expected to result in lower costs for Canadian-made mozzarella for restaurants that prepare and cook pizzas on site.”  Mamma Mia!

Bob Abumeeiz, who owns a pizzeria in Windsor, is almost as happy about this as I am.  “I’ve been in this business 17 years, and this is the first time cheese has ever gone down,” he told the CBC. “It’s unheard of.”  Kinda like low gas prices, right?  As another pizzaranteur told the national network,  ”This is like gas going down to 80 cents a litre. It’s better for everyone.”  (Mind you, I don’t drive, but I take it that’s a good price?)

Let’s just said I’ve got June 1st circled on my calendar.  I’m already psyching myself up for a pizza-eating contest…  against myself.

Mmm, pizza porn…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Always wanted to see how pizza was made, but unwilling to work for minimum wage?  If so, you just might be Italian, and you also might be interested in Domino’s latest innovation—a live webcam.  That’s right, if you get off on watching some pencil-necked geek toss dough in the air, you no longer need to pay for a monthly subscription to 2girls1crust.com.  Simply log on to dominoslive.com for some hot, crusty, doughy action!

As Forbes reports, “CEO J. Patrick Doyle called his company’s test ‘a logical extension’ of its efforts to boost ‘transparency’ over the last few years.”  Because if your pizza’s not ready in 30 minutes, you can type some dirty talk into the chat window, y’know, like “Show me the sausage,”  “Where’s the beef?”  or “Take off the mushrooms—I’m deathly allergic!”  (Hey, to some people, that’s a turn-on.)

Domino’s new strategy comes as arch competitor Pizza Hut unveiled its latest innovation to drive lazy-loser retention.  According to Forbes, “Pizza Hut upped the ante in the industry’s crucial digital milieu by unveiling a pizza-ordering app within Microsoft’s Xbox gaming system.”  That’s right, you can now order pizza without even pausing.  You’ll still hafta get up to pay the delivery guy, which might be a good time to empty out your piss bottle, while you’re at it.

Italians sure love to eat pizza—as long as they don’t hafta make it!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

You know the apocalypse is upon us when there’s a pizza shortage in Italy.  As The Telegraph reports, Italians are apparently too proud to produce the popular product, and the pizza-making industry is facing a labour shortage as a result.  “Despite a long recession and high unemployment, Italians are shunning the job because of the long hours and modest pay,” according to the British newspaper.  Wait, you mean all-you-can-eat breadsticks for $9.95 an hour isn’t incentive enough?  (Oh wait, that’s not Italy, it’s Pizza Hut.)

And here’s the kicker: what with the global economic downturn and the Eurozone crisis, Italians are actually eating more pizza—they’re just not making enough to meet demand.  As per The Telegraph, “with a slice of pizza an increasingly popular lunch time option in times of economic hardship, the pizza sector is booming – and an estimated 6,000 new ‘pizzaioili’ are needed, according to FIPE, an Italian business federation.”  Hmm, I guess they can’t outsource those jobs to India, eh?

But before you can say “Ai-yai-yai, pizza pie,” it’s Egypt to the rescue!  Having overthrown its authoritarian leader, The Land of The Pharaohs is now throwing dough up in the air—apparently with great aplomb.  As David Mandolin, head of the Italian School for Pizza Makers, told Corriere della Sera newspaper. “To make a good pizza, it needs to be crunchy but also digestible. Not everyone can do that, but the Egyptians can.”

So, what’s their secret?  “We are good at it because we are prepared to work hard. Italians, in contrast, want a nice comfortable office job where they can work six hours a day, five days a week, in air-conditioning. They’re not prepared to work 10, 12 hours a day,” an Egyptian emigrate told The Telegraph.  At least some cultural stereotypes still hold true, capiche?

5 THINGS I’LL MISS IN MY BACKYARD: 2. Puck ‘n Wings/Burrito Bandidos

Posted by gruesomegreg on

So, I’m making a big move on Tuesday–over three kilometres, in fact!  (Okay fine, 3.1 km.)  But while it isn’t a great physical distance, moving to my new apartment means I’ll no longer be in an Annex State of Mind.  I have lived in The Annex for four years now, and have come to the realization that your average Annex resident is either under the age of 25 or over the age of 50.  So I might not miss the people–or being the best-dressed guy on the block on Casual Friday, no less–but there are certainly a few things that I’ll regret not having within walking distance anymore.  I’ll be counting off five of them over the next few days.

(I mean, you don’t actually expect me to walk three kilometres, do you!?  That’s like a half-hour marathon–OK, more like 45 minutes for me…)

5. Lee’s Palace (and to a lesser extent, the Annex Wreckroom)

4. Bloor Cinema

3. Sonic Boom

2. Puck ‘n Wings/Burrito Bandidos

(Just when they had the perfect picture set up, a grumpy old lady walked right into their shot…)

It’s nearly impossible to pick between these two fine establishments, both within a rocket-armed QB’s throw from my soon-to-be-former apartment (which you can sorta see in the far-right corner of this photo).  For my money’s worth, Puck ‘n Wings has the best buffalo wings north of Buffalo, and when it comes to chicken wings in this city, only the Crown and Dragon comes close.  The place is also always almost-empty on Sunday afternoons, so they have no problem putting the Seahawks game on one of their flatscreen TVs for me.  That said, I only caught a couple Hawks games at the Puck last year, as I was able to watch a lot of them at home.  A winning record gets you a lot more televised broadcasts on Sportsnet–and it seems they even have a handful of prime-time contests this upcoming season.  Let’s Go Hawks!!!!

Speaking of the Seahawks, I’ve developed a post-game ritual that incorporated the Mexican joint around the corner from the Puck (and also somewhat visible in this photo), Burrito Bandidos.  See, I’ve made a habit of going for a victory meal after every Hawks win, and ever since the fish ‘n chips joint at Bloor and Albany became a poutinerie, said ritual involves the halibut burrito from Bandidos:

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Now, I know there’s a burrito joint near my new digs on Dundas, but I’ve heard they don’t have hali.  And when it comes to wings, St. Louis simply can’t pass the Puck.  Looks like I need a new Sunday ritual–or a healthy supply of subway tokens, anyways. :(

Soooo, if you accumulate more workout hours than there are in a day, do you get an extra day off work?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Scientists at Texas Christian University have come up with a new way to try and scare fat people into hitting Gold’s Gym instead of the Golden Arches.  As CTV News reports, “A new study finds that restaurant guests who look at menus that show them an estimate of how much exercise is needed to burn off calories tend to choose lower-calorie options.”  The experiment, conducted with participants under the age of 30—cuz you won’t find too many frat brothers in their late 40s—found the menu that lists both calories and workout hours caused its guinea pigs to not only order less, but eat less as well.  Gee, I hope TCU was picking up the cheque, cuz they’re not getting their money’s worth otherwise…

However, just like having a gym in my neighbourhood doesn’t actually encourage me to join it, knowing how many workout hours are in my Whopper won’t actually make me work out.  In fact, I’d be more likely to see how many workout hours I could accumulate in one meal.  C’mon man, you think I’d actually work out for three days straight to burn off that quadruple bypass burger!?

Unfortunately, my accumulated workout hours can’t be banked for additional vacation days—I work in the private sector.  But if Rob Ford were to launch a “Workout Hours You Build Up But Don’t Use” challenge, I would definitely try to beat the mayor at his game.  Now pass the kindergartener’s-head-sized shawarma!

Not only doesn’t the LCBO check your ID, they also don’t check under your trenchcoat…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

True story: On my 19th birthday, I walked into my nearest LCBO to buy some birthday booze.  I was somewhat surprised when the clerk didn’t ask to see my ID—and immediately disappointed that I hadn’t started shopping there at the beginning of my freshman year.  As it turns out, I only walked away with an unverified ID and a six-pack of Labatt Blue…  which pales in comparison to the $26,000 bottle of scotch some middle-aged hipster pilfered without paying.

As the CBC reports, “According to police, a man went into a downtown Toronto LCBO store earlier this month and pulled a rare 50-year-old Glenfiddich Single Malt scotch out of a glass case in the vintage section.”  You’d think that a bottle worth more than a secretary’s starting salary wouldn’t be kept out in the open—but wait, it gets better.  “Police said the man also selected a bottle of wine, which he took the counter and paid for, but left the store without settling up for the scotch.”  Hey, is that a rare bottle of 50-year-old scotch in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

How rare are we talking?  The CBC states there are only 50 bottles of this stuff in the world, 15 of which happen to be in Ontario.  My guess is that 12 of those 15 are located at either their Bay St or King St locations…

Well, make that 11.  Police are on the lookout for a white male “35 to 45 years old, 5’10″, clean-shaven with black-framed glasses,” who “was last seen leaving the store wearing a Burberry plaid shirt, brown hat, brown trench coat, and black jeans” as per the CBC—suspiciously wearing the trenchcoat over his right arm.  I’m guessing it wasn’t a Burberry trench, though; unless he stole the jacket, too!