In case you haven’t heard, a new piece of legislation by our Strong, Stable, National, Conservative Majority Government that went into effect a month ago is making it even more difficult for touring bands to cross the border. Now, any “venue with a primary business other than music but which also books bands or performers” will hafta pay the government 425 bucks for every non-Canadian musician that sets foot on its stage–and that even includes the merch guy. No, that’s not 425 bucks a band, but 425 a band member. To quote a former Liberal leader, “what bullshit is this ?”
Now, there is an online petition making the rounds, and it’s amassed 100-thousand signatures and counting, but when was the last time the Conservatives paid attention to a petition that didn’t ask to abolish the gun registry? Methinks if we really wanna strike fear into the heart of Harper, we need to adopt a much more aggressive tactic–a hardcore-punk protest album!
Let’s face it, next to oil, potash and stand-up comedians, hardcore is one of Canada’s biggest exports. Whether it’s early pioneers like D.O.A., the Dayglos and the Subhumans, or current torchbearers such as Fucked Up, Burning Love and the Cancer Bats, this country certainly knows how to throw down. And I’ll be damned if the NDP could mount as spirited a defence of the arts as a pack of pissed-off punkers! But who has studio time to pen a Harper protest tune when they’re cutting arts funding, left, right and centre–especially left? That said, I think I’ve stumbled upon a solution.
I Can’t Believe It’s Not GWAR Ghoul’s just-released Intermediate Level Hard-Core EP, on which they fuck up re-adapt the lyrical stylings of the Dayglo Abortions, I’ve come to the conclusion that we could create a killer anti-Harper album simply by changing the words to a few songs. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna mosh along to “Fuck Stephen Harper to Death,” “I Shot Harper” or that caustic anthem from across the pond, “Stephen You Cunt“? I know I would! Of course, updated versions of “Proud to be a Canadian” and “Oh Canaduh” would also be more than welcome.
As for the album title, well, I think we have a winner, provided that the only Canadian band ever charged with obscenity would let us co-opt their artwork for the occasion…