Federal inmates at high-security prisons will hafta find other ways to clog their arteries, thanks to Vic Toews.  Postmedia News is reporting that the Public Safety Minister has vowed to put an end to “pizza parties and barbecue socials” after receiving revealing receipts from Saskatchewan Penitentiary.

As per Postmedia, “inmates at Saskatchewan Penitentiary purchased $446 worth of pizza from a Prince Albert pie shop on April 4, 2012 and another $320 in pizza from the same shop on April 20.”  But wait, there’s more!  “Several other receipts suggest inmates ordered some $643 worth of KFC on April 4 and nearly $1,200 worth of KFC on April 20.”  And here’s the kicker: “Some 13 chocolate bunnies totalling $27 were also purchased from a Superstore on April 3.”  Surely, the Minister of Public Safety must be aware that a sharpened-up bunny can be used as a chocolaty shiv!

In any case, it goes without saying that 1,200 dollars will buy you a whole lotta chicken.  Though it appears on the surface that Toews is simply looking to put the brakes on these “unacceptable prison perks,” it also seems that our Public Safety Minister has the health and safety of the prison population at mind.  After all, they clearly must consume a chock-load of chicken in Ohio State Pen, where a 480-pound murderer has declared himself too fat to die.  And while we don’t have the death penalty up here, the problem of prison overcrowding is only exacerbated when the bodies being double-bunked in those cramped cells keep getting bigger and bigger…

So good on you Vic for helping our inmates stay in shape!  Now, if only we could do something about the children…