Monthly Archives: August 2012

Clint Eastwood just made my day!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

OK, I’ll admit, I didn’t watch the Republican National Convention last night.  As a Canadian, I don’t even hafta consider voting Republican, and besides there are much better things to watch on TV on Thursdays than repetitive political pandering.  (Like, Snooki & JWoww, like, totally!)  Thus, by the time I had heard about Clint Eastwood’s speech, it was already trending, and just about everybody in the media was calling it a major mistake–as well as the highlight of the night.  Naturally, I had to see it for myself, so here it is:

Now, the media had made it seem like he just rambled on forever, but it really didn’t seem that long.  Of course, when you get a standing ovation every second sentence, that tends to prolong things a little.  That said, Clint’s address was nothing if not disjointed.  It got off to a bizarre start, with him saying how he cried when Obama got elected, and then that he hadn’t cried that much since he heard there were 23 million unemployed Americans.  Erm, I’m assuming there are that many jobless Americans right now, not before Obama was elected?  But instead of pondering the logic of that statement, he gestured towards…

Wait for it…

THE CHAIR!

I gotta say, addressing an empty chair as if it was the President of the United States was pretty peculiar; insinuating that it was telling him and Mitt Romney to, as Pat Boone would put it, fornicate with themselves elsewhere just made him look like a crazy old man.  In case you were ever wondering why Eastwood’s characters never say too much in his movies, well, look no further than last night’s speech.  I gotta say though, it sure was entertaining seeing all those good ol’ boys rise in unison like a church choir, their old ladies with tears in their eyes.  Had he kicked the chair, it might’ve started a riot!

…

Speaking of the movies, Clint’s got a new film out in three weeks, Trouble with the Curve, in which he makes his first on-screen appearance since Walt Kowalski went down in a blaze of glory at the end of Gran Torino four years ago.  I swear I just started seeing ads for this flick on TV last nite.  Coincidence?  I think not!

In any case, Clint doesn’t get to play a geriatric Dirty Harry this time around, but rather an old, washed-up baseball scout who’s trying to make amends with his daughter.  Apparently, this movie also stars Amy Adams and Justin Timberlake.  Not your typical Eastwood acting fare, though I suppose it’s kind of a combination between GT and Million Dollar Baby, his last two films.  I gotta say, I liked him much better 20 years ago when he was trying to stop John Malkovich from assassinating the president rather than performing illogical, improvised character assassinations on the current POTUS himself, but hey, I might end up seeing this one in theatres.  I mean, it’s not like I’ll hafta worry about it conflicting with the Jays’ postseason schedule, or anything…

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COMMENT OF THE DAY: So, is God voting for the CAQ or the PLQ, then?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://news.nationalpost.com/2012/08/31/memo-to-harper-from-pauline-marois-if-i-become-quebec-premier-im-calling-soon/

Suffice to say that the prospect of a Parti québecois government is unsettling to some, including those folks at the National Post, who are endorsing the CAQ in next Tuesday’s provincial election.  But this particular poster is ratcheting up the rhetoric—all the way up to the man upstairs.  Alas, if Pauline Marois wins next week’s election, then God doesn’t exist:

Should the unholy occur in four days’ time, I’m sure the Church of Scientology would welcome this fellow with an open wallet…

What’s next, a Tea Party raid on Fort Knox!?

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An Oak Ridge, Tennessee weapons-grade uranium facility, hailed as the “the Fort Knox of uranium,” was broken into last month by three activists, including an 82-year-old nun, Reuters reports.  And here’s the kicker: the guards didn’t even notice them until they “surrendered” on their way out.  They probably just could’ve walked off into the sunset had they known how easy it would be…

In a recent report, Gregory Friedman, Energy Department Witchfinder Inspector General, deplores the “troubling displays of ineptitude” that failed to detect Sister Chernobyl and her flock as they “painted slogans and threw what they said was human blood on the outer wall of a building where highly enriched uranium, a key component of nuclear bombs, is stored,” as per Reuters.  It has come to light that the security contractors, provided by WSI Oak Ridge, reacted in the following manner:

  • The officer did not draw his weapon nor secure the area, instead letting the trespassers “roam about and retrieve various items from backpacks”
  • Another officer hearing alarms did not look outside the building as he was supposed to, and also missed an image of the trespassers on a camera. A third officer turned off the alarm(!!!)
  • Others heard the activists hammering on the building’s outside wall, but assumed the sound was from maintenance workers

Not to mention that “One camera that would have shown the break-in had been broken for about six months, and there was a backlog of repairs needed for security systems at the facility,” according to Reuters.  In any case, the officers have been relieved of their duties, and one would assume they’d have trouble finding work as WalMart security guards after this embarrassing incident.  Good golly, it’s a good thing those trespassers weren’t Iranians or some other terrorizers, huh?

Wait, they have take-home final exams at Harvard!? You’ve got to be kidding me!

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The Associated Press is reporting that Harvard University will consider establishing an “Honor Code” after some 125 students were caught cheating on a take-home final exam.  Dayum, what kind of class issues a take-home final—particularly at an Ivy League school?  The answer may not surprise you: it was an “introductory government class,” as per the Boston Globe.  Welcome to American politics, kids!

“These allegations, if proven, represent totally unacceptable behavior that betrays the trust upon which intellectual inquiry at Harvard depends,” school President Drew Faust told the AP.  But Mr. President, sir, doesn’t intellectual enquiry give way to Google inquiries when you hand out a take-home test in the first place?  How do you really expect your students to engage themselves in the pursuit and retention of knowledge when your faculty clearly just says “Fuck it, take the test on your own time”?

“Uh… next question?”

The only justification I can think of is that, with this being a government class, the idea was to find the most creative way to lie, cheat and embezzle your way to an easy A.  Therefore, the student who got an undocumented illegal alien Guatemalan prostitute to fill out the answers to his exam using hacked data from Chinese government spies paid for with Alaskan oil futures, all while giving him a blowjob in front of the Bain Capital headquarters, well, he must be at the top of the bell curve on that one!

FRENCH WORD OF THE DAY: Éclosion

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Éclosion: Describes the birth, the hatching or the apparition of something, generally a plant or an animal.

As seen in: « Régis Labeaume veut que la liste des tours de refroidissement inspectées pour trouver la source de l’éclosion de légionellose soit dévoilée à la population. »

(Translation: “Régis Labeaume wants the list of cooling towers inspected to find the source of the apparition of Legionnaire’s disease made public.”)

http://www.lapresse.ca/le-soleil/actualites/sante/201208/30/01-4569861-legionellose-regis-labeaume-simpatiente.php

The Great 21st Century Maple-Syrup Robbery–coming soon to a convenience store near you!

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During prohibition in the 1920s, Americans relied on Canadian booze smuggled across the border to get their drink on.  Today, with the country hit by a heavy drought (Hurricane Isaac notwithstanding), it looks like they might be turning to our nation to illegally meet their needs… for maple syrup.  At least, that’s one of theories advanced by the Fédération des producteurs acéricoles du Québec (FPAQ), who just saw a massive amount of the sweet stuff ripped off from a warehouse in Saint-Louis-de-Blandford, a rural area roughly 25 clicks north of Victoriaville.

According to QMI Agency, a whopping 16,000 45-gallon barrels of syrup, worth 1,800 bucks a piece, have been drained of their contents—an impressive feat considering that you can only fit about 90 barrels of syrup into a tractor-trailer.  And even if the warehouse is located “in an isolated area at the end of the road,” it reportedly can be seen from the Trans-Canada Highway.  But hey, when the mob needs toppings for its pancakes, chances are they’ll stop at nothing to get them.

Of course, we don’t know that the maple-syrup mafia is necessarily involved, as no suspects have been identified at this time.  That said, «Il est crucial que les responsables de ce vol soient identifiés» (Translation: “It’s crucial that those responsible for this robbery are identified”) FPAQ president Serge Beaulieu told local paper La Nouvelle Union.  Hmm, perhaps if they sweeten the pot, they’ll see sweet-tooths coming out of the woodwork like bees to syrup…

AMATEUR CONCERT PHOTOGRAPHY HOUR: JELLO BIAFRA & The Guantanamo School of Medicine @ Lee’s Palace, Toronto

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Jello Biafra is reportedly 54 years old.  Sure, he’s got a paunch, grey hair and a sizable bald spot–but on stage, he hardly seems half his age.  Ever the showman and proselytizing punk-rock prophet, the dude still brings it with his new band, The Guantanamo School of Medicine.  They sure brought it to Lee’s Palace last night.

The man knows how to make an entrance…

Not content to remain on stage, Jello jumped into the crowd mid-song!

…and then for an encore, he brought Danko Jones up on stage to sing “Too Drunk to Fuck”

More words here.

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Krista Ford sez don’t dress like I did when I played for the Toronto Triumph…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/story/2012/08/30/toronto-krista-ford.html

Krista Ford, Niece of The Mayor of This CityTM, has found herself in hot water after tweeting “Stay alert, walk tall, carry mace, take self-defence classes & don’t dress like a whore” following a police news conference regarding a recent spate of sexual assaults in The Annex, of all places.  Of course, the local media was quick to jump on the fact that she once played football in her bra and panties, but as the CBC also points out, carrying mace is illegal too.  Quick, somebody arrest her for possession!

Erm, you might wanna stop huffing that can of mace then, buddy…

Jersey Shore announces final season; spray-tanning profits set to plummet…

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In the saddest news story I’ve seen today (Bahaha!  Sorry, couldn’t say that with a straight face), MTV has announced that the upcoming sixth season of Jersey Shore will be its last, Entertainment Weekly reports.  According to EW, “Shore was one of the most polarizing shows in TV history, but no one can deny its enormous success and pop culture influence.”  True, but no one can deny the enormous success and pop culture influence of Nickelback, either, so, y’know…

Apparently, the show’s ratings have been slipping, with its proverbial jump-the-shark moment coming when they flew the entire cast to Italy for Season Four.  As EW reports, “an ambitious overseas expedition to Italy for the show’s fourth season marked the beginning of the end, with Shore‘s numbers slipping notably for the first time. A return to Seaside in January saw ratings drop further, to 7.6 million for the fifth season premiere.”  Sadly, that’s still 7.6-million people who think spray-tans are cool.

EW also mentions that the cast are getting older and moving on—to their own Jersey Shore spinoffs, that is, noting “Though MTV has not yet announced a verdict on Pauly D Project, the Snooki series was picked up for a second season.”  And if you thought that was scary, consider this quote from MTV reality executive Chris Linn: “I would love to have a Snooki-Jionni wedding.  That could be amazing.”

As if watching Gene Simmons get married on cable TV wasn’t bad enough…

Now where am I supposed to find a vino chili topped half-beef, half-bacon burger in this city!?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From my experience eating at Holy Chuck, I can tell you that they make some greasy, messy, yet tasty burgers.  They also appear to have a pretty good business going up there at Yonge and St. Clair—stop by at lunchtime, and there’s bound to be a long line.  You know what’s not so tasteful, though?  The names of some of their delicious creations. 

First introduced last winter, the Dirty Drunken Half-Breed burger remained a Holy Chuck staple up until a recent wave of social-media protest forced it off the menu.  The burger-joint’s owners, who are Greek, had apparently never met a Metis before, although it was pointed out to them on Twitter shortly after the product launch that the term could be considered offensive.  Nevertheless, the name stuck for a while, until the owners were forced to backtrack in the Toronto Star.  “To racially slur an ethnicity in a multicultural society, it’s the totally wrong thing to do,” co-owner Bill Koutroubis told the Star yesterday.  “It was never meant to be malicious; it was just an innocent play on words on our part.”

The Half-Breed, a scrumptious blend of beef and cured bacon, is further enhanced by veal cheek vino chili, which apparently contains alcohol, to become the Dirty Drunken version.  Until recently, it could be found on the menu next to such other popular menu items as You Fat Pig, The Greek Bahahastard, and Go Chuck Yourself.  Not exactly self-esteem boosters, are they?

Mind you, when it comes to pissing people off with the names of its foodstuffs, Holy Chuck doesn’t even come close to Lola’s Burrito Joint in Jacksonville, Florida.  Though the taqueria may have changed the name of its infamous Wetback Willie burrito to the less-offensive Wet Willie, you can still come in and order a Dirty Sanchez or Shrimp, But No Papers burrito off their menu.  Perhaps a pair of Republican delegates will be stopping by on their way back from the convention…