Senator Patrick Brazeau, the long-haired judoka who lost a charity boxing match to Justin Trudeau, is the most absent member of the Upper Chamber, having missed 25 per cent of the 72 sittings between last June and April of this year, according to the National Post. When Canadian Press reporter Jennifer Ditchburn pointed this out in a piece published yesterday, he took to the Twitter ring to express his anger, tweeting “Change the D to a B in your last name and we’re even!”
But even after apologizing for his unprofessional remark, Brazeau still won’t reveal what “personal issues” caused him to take every fourth day off work. “If it were elaboration on his professional career or positions, he would be glad to do so. But he will not on the personal side of things,” Brazeau’s executive assistant told the Post today. Which certainly leaves room for speculation. Here are 10 potential reasons why Senator Brazeau takes so much time off work:
10. Do you know how hard it is to maintain that flowing mane?
9. The UFC has yet to hold an event anywhere near Ottawa
8. As the youngest member of the Senate, he has no one to set an example for
7. He kills everything he eats with his bare hands. Good luck finding live game in Ottawa!
6. His attempts to clone himself has been thus far unsuccessful
5. He is the sole caregiver for both his left and right biceps
4. He makes more money in his side gig as a roadie for Nickelback
3. His conscience prevents him from voting on bills he disagrees with, yet he’s not allowed to cross the party line
2. Because he can. Whatcha gonna do about it?
1. Training for the rematch. There’s no f—king way he’s losing to Trudeau again!