Even before Barack Obama came out and guaranteed himself the gay vote, I’d have picked him to win the upcoming U.S. presidential election. His opponent, Mitt Romney, doesn’t seem like the kinda guy the nation would rally around. He is, after all, a multimillionaire Mormon venture capitalist, the type of candidate who represents the 1 per cent to disenfranchised voters, all the while being seen as not right-wing enough for many Republicans. Of course, the latter will still vote for him anyways, if they don’t abstain. Hooray for two-party politics!
Even when Romney tries to appeal to the common man, he comes off as a doofus. Like the time he mentioned that his wife drives two Cadillacs, or when he told NASCAR fans that he loves driving and sport, and is friends with several race-car team… owners. Now, I’ve actually been to North Carolina, and I’m pretty sure if you walked into a bar and asked if there was any sport on TV, you’d probably get your ass kicked. Most people in America spell sports with an s at the end, Mitt. (Oh, and we do in Canada, too.)
From the looks of things, this election is shaping up to be a bit like ’96. As you may recall…
(Apparently, Warren Beatty can’t spell unopposed, which brings me to this next bit.)
Of course, Jay Billington Bulworth wasn’t really a Senator, but a fictional character played by Beatty in the 1998 film Bulworth, which he also wrote and directed. A political veteran running on empty, Bulworth suddenly snaps after too many sleepless nites, and hires a hitman to kill him. With that weight off his shoulders, he then decides to start telling the truth about the screwed-up American political system, largely by way of rapping:
Although his aides assume he’s committing political suicide, Bulworth manages to rally voters around him by appealing to, wait for it… the common man, particularly in the African-American communities. Not only does he win his senatorial primary in a landslide, but he receives several write-in votes for president, prompting him to launch a national campaign. He even gets to score with Halle Berry!
Not that I can see this strategy working for Romney, whose past political experience was strictly at the state level. But if all else fails, I wouldn’t mind seeing him bust a rhyme or two. I mean, surely his flow can’t be as whack as Warren Beatty’s, can it? Nevermind, I just saw his best Slim Shady impression. Suffice to say that Romney’s 2012 campaign is likely doomed to the same fate as Bulworth ’96. Metaphorically speaking, that is. I’m not gonna spoil the end of the movie for those who haven’t seen it…