Friends, it seems that 2011 has been a banner year for bad behaviour amongst our elected officials, with more profanity flying across the hallowed halls than you’d hear at an Insane Clown Posse concert. And this obscenity epidemic hasn’t been contained to the House of Commons either, as it’s infected all three levels of government within our great nation. Please join me, friends, in counting down the top five foul-mouthed vote-getters of 2011.
5. Bob Rae
Early this afternoon, the interim Liberal leader took to Twitter in response to the musings of a Canadian Yale law student who felt that today’s political headlines are bringing the 90′s back. Here, it’s easier if I show you the exchange:
WHAT HE SHOULDA SED INSTEAD: “What a Boob is this ?” Rae, who apparently speaks French (though you wouldn’t know it from the top nav on his web site) would probably be familiar with the concept of autodérision, a particularly French brand of self-deprecating humour. Had he referenced that particularly harsh Toronto Sun headline from the early 90′s, we’d all be saying “Score one for Bob Rae!” instead of “Did Bob Rae just say bullshit on Twitter!?”
4. Pat Martin
On November 16th, the NDP MP for some unfortunate part of Winnipeg traveled forward in time to read Rae’s Twitter bullshit, then went back and raised him a fucking disgrace and a jackboot shit. He then told repliers to eat his shorts and to fuck off.
WHAT HE SHOULDA SED INSTEAD: Instead of dropping an f-bomb on one of his Twitter followers, Martin coulda stuck with the Simpsons and tweeted “Don’t Have a Cow, Man!” or posted a picture of Nelson pointing and said “Ha Ha!” Then again, he certainly did have a cow when he made his initial remark…
3. Norman MacMillan
Back in September, the Liberal member of Quebec’s National Assembly called political opponent Sylvie Roy a “grosse crisse” in the middle of a parliamentary session. Though seated at the time, MacMillan’s remark was picked up by his desk-mate Pierre Moreau’s mic as Moreau addressed the room. And while it literally translates to “fat Christ,” the Toronto Sun’s translation of the epithet had visions of Rob Ford dancing in my head.
WHAT HE SHOULDA SED INSTEAD: Nothing. After all, Pierre Moreau had the floor. Besides, as Martin Ward would say “Un peu de respect pour la dame!”
2. Justin Trudeau
You’ve probably heard the story about how the younger Trudeau rose in the House of Commons today to call Peter Kent a piece of shit in the zaniest Liberal contribution to Question Period since Scott Brison suggested that the Conservative caucus likes to pee on each other. The only thing that woulda made this more entertaining woulda bin if Maxime Bernier had stood up and shouted “En français!” (In case you’re wondering, it’s « petite merde ».)
WHAT HE SHOULDA SED INSTEAD: Although I understand his frustration, Trudeau would’ve come off as less insulting if he’d broken into an impromptu version of Adam Sandler’s “Ode to My Car” by adding the word “car” to the end of his epithet. He woulda had to stop the song short of the end of the chorus however, lest he come off as even more offensive. 
1. Rob Fucking Ford
After being scared half-to-death by a comedian reporter with a plastic sword, the mayor of this city called 911 and unleashed a verbal tirade on whichever poor smuck happened to pick up the phone that day. Mind you, if you read the Sun, you probably believe that he never called anyone bitches, asked them if they fucking knew, or said “I’m Rob Fucking Ford, the mayor of this city!” Personally, I think he probably did. Hey, have you seen my gallery of Rob Fucking Ford JPEG artwork?
WHAT HE SHOULDA SED INSTEAD: Honestly, if I had written that speech myself, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. By the way, isn’t Rob Fucking Ford looking for a new fucking speechwriter?
