So, The Wailers without Bob Marley are touring with Sublime sans Brad Nowell. Who’s opening–The Maytals minus Toots?

Some singers are simply irreplaceable.  I’m talking Jim Morrison, Freddie Mercury, Bob Marley–well, in theory, anyways.  The unfortunate reality is that The Doors have toured with Ian Astbury, Queen’s played and recorded with Paul Rodgers, and The Wailers currently have two singers not named Bob Marley.  It seems that nothing is more sacred than the almighty dollar.

In fact with Marley, Peter Tosh and Carlton Barrett all having shuffled off this mortal coil, the only current Wailer who played on Catch a Fire is Aston “Family Man” Barrett, he of the failed £60-million lawsuit.  Not to be confused with The Original Wailers, Barrett’s band is coming to Toronto this summer.  And in a sign of how the mighty have fallen, a band that sold 250 million records with Bob Marley are relegated to second billing on August 18th below Sublime.  Erm, make that Sublime with Rome.

If you remember the 90′s, you probably remember Sublime.  The band topped the charts with “What I Got,” the feel-good hit of the summer of ’96, from their self-titled album on MCA Records.  Twas somewhat ironic, seeing as their singer, Brad Nowell, died of a heroin overdose before the record was released.  As a result, Sublime was unable to capitalize on their success (aside from album sales), as the band died when Brad did, or so their manager at the time put it.

But while Nowell never rose, the band didn’t stay dead.  In 2009, they reunited under the “Sublime with Rome” moniker, and put out a new album last year.  Apparently, it hit Number 9 on the Billboard charts (which is to say it sold 35,000 copies its first week of release) and now the band is back in business–minus their original drummer, who left after the record came out.  But hey, one outta three ain’t bad in baseball and buttsex, or so they say…

Alas, these “all but one” reunions aren’t all that uncommon nowadays, although it’s not usually the vocalist who gets left behind.  I mean, it’s not really the original Black Sabbath without Bill Ward behind the kit, nor was Kyuss Lives truly Kyuss minus the guitar stylings of Josh Homme.  That said, I paid to see the latter twice (including a $200 New Years Eve gig), and if Black Sabbath comes to Toronto, with or without Ward, I’ll be there.  I suppose that if I was bigger into reggae, I might dish out 70 bucks for this show too–though truth be told, that does seem kinda steep for a coupla glorified cover bands.

COMMENT OF THE DAY: Derogatory labels… You mean like idiots, morons and bimbos?

From: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/technology/tech-news/geeks-are-cool-now-but-dont-call-them-dorks-survey/article2443518/

According to a recent survey, Americans think more highly of geeks than they did a year ago, with 51 per cent considering geeks “professionally successful” (up from 31 per cent) and 54 per cent seeing them as “extremely intelligent” (up from 45 per cent).  You’d think this would be a cause for celebration for rosebols everywhere, but this doofus still ain’t smilin’.

Alas, there’s nothing like using derogatory labels to express one’s disgust at derogatory labeling…

Ukrainian parliament went to a language debate and a fight broke out…

If you thought the House of Commons was uncivilized, think again.  The New York Times (amongst other media outlets) is reporting that a debate in Ukraine’s Supreme Council on whether to adopt Russian as a second official language turned into a bench-clearing brawl last night.  To quote the Times, “parliamentarians tumbled over their desks in the Supreme Council chamber and traded punches, tore clothing and choked one another, to applause and catcalls from reporters and observers in the balconies.”  One deputy was even thrown head-first into a chair then allegedly hit with a five-star frogsplash from the top turnbuckle.  And the Ottawa Citizen’s got the pictures to prove it (frogsplash not pictured).

It seems the issue of the not-quite-official second language is a touchy topic in the Ukraine.  The Times says the Eastern part of the country, home to President Viktor F. Yanukovich and his Party of Regions, mostly speaks Russian, while the Western, Ukranian-speaking side is uncomfortable with its neighbours and their foreign influences.  Hmm, why does this seem a little familiar?

Alas, even if the Bloc Quebecois could field enough MPs for a Battle Royale, I can’t picture them getting ready to rumble with Harper and co—though I would definitely pay to see it take place.  Something tells me Justin Trudeau would toss a few Conservatives over the top rope…

Man, bacon-flavoured beer has gotta be the greatest invention since sliced, erm, bacon!

The Toronto Star is reporting that the LCBO received a small shipment this week of the newest creation from Portland’s Rogue brewery—Voodoo Doughnut Maple Bacon Ale.  Yup, that’s right, bacon-flavoured beer.

Sprung from a collaborative drinking session effort between Rogue and Portland institution Voodoo Doughnuts, a place that actually sells doughnuts with bacon on top, the Maple Bacon Ale is described as a “light brown, slightly cloudy ale, which has a smoky, sweet aroma” with plenty of maple flavour.  And they don’t use simulated bacon bits, either.  That’s real applewood-smoked bacon, son!

While I can vouch for their Dead Guy Ale being quite tasty, I have no idea what Rogue was thinking here—but I must admit, I’m still tempted to try it.  That said, it’s worth noting that this stuff is only available in 750 ml bottles at $9.65 a pop, and that the LCBO’s stock of 1,500 bottles has only been distributed amongst 15 stores in the GTA.  (Their website doesn’t wanna tell ya which ones, either.)  Methinks it’s time for a beer run this weekend…

FRENCH WORD OF THE DAY: Cossu

Cossu: Rich, opulent, luxurious, well-off, etc.

As seen in: « Un triple meurtre qui a toutes les allures d’un drame familial a fortement secoué un quartier paisible et cossu du secteur Aylmer, jeudi après-midi. »

(Translation: “A triple murder with all the trappings of a family drama really shook up a peaceful, luxurious Aylmer neighbourhood Thursday afternoon.”)

http://www.lapresse.ca/le-droit/actualites/justice-et-faits-divers/201205/25/01-4528536-triple-meurtre-a-gatineau.php

He led his team in interceptions, scored two TDs (on defense!) and played in the Pro Bowl–but you can’t buy Brandon Browner’s jersey in Seattle!

So, I’m heading to Seattle in a little over two weeks from now.  Gonna check out this AC/DC exhibit, worship at the Church of Misery, pick up a new Seahawks jersey ahead of their date with the Bills in December–and y’know, probably eat some seafood ‘n shit.  I’ve been rocking the Matt Hasselbeck Number 8 since 2005, but now that he’s left town, it’s time to move on.  Not really sold on Matt Flynn yet, but that’s okay, cuz my favourite player on the Hawks lines up at right corner.

I’ve been a big fan of Brandon Browner, dating back to his days holding opponents in check for my Calgary Stampeders.  He may not be the first former CFLer to go from All-Canadian to the Pro Bowl, but he’s the only one to have done so for the two teams that matter to me.  I wouldn’t normally buy some scrawny DB’s jersey–albeit at 6’4″, 220, Browner’s taller than I am–but I’m willing to make an exception in this case.  If only I could find somewhere that sells it…

I first looked into grabbing a Browner jersey after his first pick-six went 94 yards to beat the Giants in Week 5–but to no avail.  The same webstore that I bought my Hasselbeck jersey from (believe it or not, but they only had Shaun Alexander shirts for sale on Yonge St leading up to The Super Bowl That Never Happened) told me they’d be in touch with Reebok about some Baldwin and Browner jerseys, but I guess they never got any.  Meanwhile, the Seattle Pro Shop, located at Centurylink Field, has Earl Thomas, Sidney Rice, Matt Flynn, Marshawn Lynch, Zach Miller, Doug Baldwin, Kam Chancellor and 12th Man jerseys for sale online–but no Browners.  I figured they’d surely sell some in-store though, right?

Wrong.  Check this out:

They won’t be getting his jersey in this entire freakin’ season!?  What’s the man gotta do, pick off 10 passes, play in another Pro Bowl, before you put his shirt on the shelves?  Câlisse de tabarnak que c’est débile!

Sadly, I got the same response from the Seattle Team Shop, a local chain of sports stores.  This leaves me with little hope ahead of my trip in two weeks’ time.  I might hafta hit up some Hawks message boards to see if anyone’s selling some outta their basement or something–or, if push comes to shove, I’ll just hafta settle for a new Marshawn Lynch jersey.  After all, I’m sure that would piss off Bills fans aplenty… ;)

COMMENT OF THE DAY: There is no bad job–except for WalMart!

From: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/editorials/sweeping-ei-reform-deserves-scrutiny-of-commons-debate/article2442654/

The Conservative government has introduced new EI legislation that would expect unemployed Canadians to accept jobs with lower wages, up to an hour away from home, should their job searches prove unsuccessful beyond a prescribed time period.  Finance Minister Jim Flaherty has backed the legislation, saying “there is no bad job” and that he was once a taxi driver and a hockey ref—probably when he was a teenager.  That said, those aren’t bad jobs compared to working at WalMart, or so I’m told…

Mind you, Flaherty would never have to accept that job under the new legislation.  Even as an “occasional claimant” (do voted-out MPs even claim EI?), he would not be expected to take a job paying less than 70 per cent of his current salary.  I’m pretty sure a stock boy makes a lot less than that!

Your cheatin’ heart may quit on you!

The Toronto Sun is reporting that “Sudden coital death,” the medical term for dying from a heart attack when you’re getting it on, is a lot more common when a man is boning his mistress as opposed to his wife, according to a recent study from the University of Florence.  No word as to whether this study was commissioned by Silvio Berlusconi, but hey, Florence is in Italy…

Researchers found that “cardiac arrest, both fatal and non-fatal, was relatively rare when a man was having sex with his wife at home, and more frequent when he was messing around with a paramour.”  Also, interestingly enough, “unfaithful men display ‘better sexual functioning’ and ‘larger testis volume.’”  I’m not sure that correlation equals causation in the latter case.

Alas, while the sex doctors were able to dig up statistics on mistresses, it seems that the study does not take sex with prostitutes into account.  Mind you, “Sudden coital death” takes on a new meaning when her pimp steps in…

On that note, I think I’m gonna name my new grindcore band Sudden Coital Death.  It seems like the perfect name for a band that blasts through br00tal tracks in 60 seconds or less. ;)

26 traincars and he didn’t die? Blame it on the alcohol…

Alcohol has been known to give people the illusion of super-human strength, but it seems it can also provide invulnerability as well—provided that you’re passed out.  The Calgary Herald is reporting that a man from Crowsnest Pass, Alberta passed out on the train tracks somewhere around Elko, B.C.  By the time he woke up, 26 rail cars had run over him—and yet he emerged without a scratch.

“Amazingly, I don’t know how you wouldn’t wake up even being that passed out drunk, how you wouldn’t wake up from that train rumbling over top of you with the brakes screeching,” RCMP Sgt. Dave Dubnyk told the Herald.  “Until this, I wouldn’t have known that a person could actually fit under (there) especially the engine of the train.”

Alas, the article doesn’t state what the man was drinking, but rumour has it that Coors Light already has their marketing department thinking up ways to exploit this.

FRENCH WORD OF THE DAY: Faire le point

Faire le point: To establish one’s position, to assess a situation, to clear the air.

As seen in: « L’humoriste Étienne Dano a tenu à faire le point, mardi, sur les menaces dont il a été la cible sur les différents médias sociaux, la semaine dernière, en lien avec une vidéo qu’il avait postée sur YouTube. »

(Translation: “Comedian Étienne Dano tried to clear the air Tuesday over threats he received on various social media last week, stemming from a video he posted on YouTube.”)

http://fr.canoe.ca/divertissement/celebrites/nouvelles/2012/05/23/19792891-qmi.html