MTV’s Slednecks is about to do for Alaska what… Wait, I’ve used this headline before, haven’t I?

I gotta say, Buckwild was probably my favourite MTV show of all-time, which probably isn’t saying much.  But after the untimely demise of Shain Gandee Candy, who died in a bizarre mudding accident, the network was left with a huge void in its redneck-meets-Jersey Shore programming.  They missed the mark with Big Tips Texas–too many catfights among the all-female cast turned it into a trashy soap opera.  But now, they might have found something by heading all the way up north to Alaska…and Sarah Palin’s hometown, no less!

Introducing Slednecks, a show that premiered last night at 10.  If you missed its 90-minute debut, know that it’s basically Buckwild, just with a lot more snow and ice…and tattoos.  Even some of the cute girls are covered in tats–not that there’s anything wrong with that.  And as far as MTV stereotypes go, you’ve got your manwhore/player Zeke (yes, his name is actually Zeke), basically a bearded version of Tyler from Buckwild.  They’ve even managed to find a toxic couple a la Sam and Ronnie, although these two kids break up in the first episode, so it remains to be seen what becomes of that.

And don’t you worry, there are plenty of Jackass-style stunts involving Vaseline, explosives and a towing contest between a pickup truck and an airboat–which are apparently all the rage in Alaska.  I dunno guy, but I might hafta stop watching Thursday Night Football at halftime now…  November 27th notwithstanding. ;)

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Next time, I think I’ll pass on the pulled-pork party…

Nowadays, it seems that the hottest trend in fast food is pulled pork.  Hell, even my local Longo’s grocery store is serving up pulled-pork pizza, and I’m pretty sure the second period of the last Flames game I watched was brought to you by Swanson’s Hungry-Man Pulled Pork Dinner.  Can I just say that I wouldn’t eat Hungry-Man Pulled Pork even if they were all out of Beer Battered Chicken & Cheese Fries.  But if you put it on a burger, well, I guess I’ll try it at least once.


Wendy’s not only puts pulled pork in a sandwich, they also put it on poutine, and give you three different sauces to choose from.  To be honest, the pork sandwich wasn’t bad, despite the generic coleslaw glopped in on top.  The spicy sauce definitely gave it some kick!  But when you throw some pork atop fast-food grade poutine, and swirl in some BBQ sauce on top, well, it’s just about le bad trip du siècle.  And what’s with the red onions!?


Do you even need to zoom in to tell that the pulled-pork product on top of this Harvey’s hamburger is definitely disgusting?  I dunno guy, but I’m pretty sure they only place they pulled this from was a plastic bag.  And I’ve even had better burgers at a food court–although, to be fair, I’m talkin’ bout the Urban Eatery. ;)

It’s not quite the Leafs winning the Cup, but the Royals winning the Series tonight would be nice to see…

 Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1985!

…cuz that’s how long it’s been since Kansas City last won the World Series.  I hafta say, they’ve been my sentimental pick all postseason–although I was kinda cheering for Billy Beane’s Moneyball A’s in the Wild Card.  But KC’s 12-inning, 9-8 comeback over Oakland was the first of eight straight playoff wins, and they really looked like the Team of Destiny…until they ran into the Giants.

Sure, San Fran has been here before; in fact, they’ve won two of the past four titles.  But they’re not like the Yankees, a team you love to hate–unless maybe you live in Oakland.  However, they’re still standing in the way of the Team of Destiny, and for that, they deserve at least a little flak.

Can I just say this might be the shittiest seven-game Series I’ve ever seen?  The first six games were basically all shutouts and/or blowouts, with only one decided by fewer than five runs–and hey, I went out last Friday, and missed Game 3 altogether.  Much like I do when there’s something better on TV, I’ve found myself flipping back and forth during the other five games, which were a lot less than exciting.  But I’m hoping there’s at least some historical precedent here: after winning Game 6 at home in ’85, the Royals proceeded to stomp a hole in their opposition, taking Game 7 by an 11-0 score over the St. Louis Cardinals.

Then again, if this game ends up being 11-0, I’ll probably tune out sometime in the third inning.  Aaaaaand here you probably didn’t know that I watched baseball in the first place, eh? ;)

Episode 140 of Gruesome Tunes now available for download!



10/26/14 PLAYLIST

ASG – Good Enough to Eat (Blood Drive) 3:16

The Unclean – Not So Bad (The Eagle) 4:55

Thinning the Herd – Rabbits (Freedom from the Known) 5:08

Satan – Siege Mentality (Life Sentence) 4:43

Gozu – Jamaican Luau (Locust Season) 5:16

Kylesa – Paranoid Tempo (From the Vaults Vol. I) 2:27

Akris – Row of Lights (self-titled) 3:42

BL’AST! – Poison (Blood!) 1:38


Electric Voyage – Flight of No Return (Flight of No Return 7”) 2:11

Earthride – Grip the Wheel (Something Wicked) 4:41

Whores – Daddy’s Money (Ruiner) 3:26

BL’AST! – It’s in My Blood (Blood!) 5:01

King Giant – Appomattox (Dismal Hollow) 6:46

Roadsaw – The Getaway (self-titled) 2:41

Cokegoat – Fly by Night, Pt. 2 (Vessel) 5:04


Samothrace – When We Emerged (Reverence to Stone) 14:20

Mares of Thrace – …and the Bird Surgeon (The Pilgrimage) 8:09

Freedom Hawk – Indian Summer (Holding On) 4:15

Discharge – No Return (Desensitise) 2:43


High on Fire – Fireface (The Art of Self Defense) 8:50

Samothrace – A Horse of Our Own (Reverence to Stone) 20:29


As you may have noticed, this blog has been awfully quiet on the political front lately.  I’d hafta say a large part of it was Rob Ford’s announcement that he had cancer.  Making fun of a man with cancer just isn’t cool…and his brother, Doug, isn’t as much of an easy target.  (Whoops, sorry!)  That said, I’d probably vote for ex-Raptors point guard T.J. Ford before casting my ballot for a card-carrying member of Ford Nation…again.

Yeah yeah, but I’ve already apologized enough for that, haven’t I?  In any case, I cast my ballot tonight towards the right-of-centre candidate that stands the best chance of beating anybody named after the Model T.  But it was not strictly a strategic vote–here are 10 reasons why I’m backing John Tory:


10. In debates, he seems like the smartest guy in the room. I usually vote for the smartest guy—or woman—in the room.

9. He comes from a long line of lawyers…oh wait, this is supposed to be reasons why to vote for him. :P

8. He looks better in suspenders than Patrick Bateman.

7. His radio show was better than Rob Ford’s.

6. As Mayor of Toronto, he can’t actually increase funding for faith-based schools.

5. According to No Jets T.O., he secretly wants jets at Toronto Island airport. I not-so-secretly want jets at Toronto Island airport!

4. He has one of the best names in politics. Is it any wonder they once picked him to lead the provincial PC party?

3. Cuz let’s face it, somebody’s gotta fix the fucking transit in this city!

2. He was the CFL commissioner who saved the league from bankruptcy in the 90’s…and introduced the slogan “Our Balls are Bigger!”

1. His last name’s NOT Ford!


(Suffice to say that if Letterman steals my list tonight, Torys LLP will be in touch. ;) )


Although they weren’t very high-scoring, it was still nice to see some close games in the CFL last week…even if I didn’t actually watch half of them.  I mean, things are all but decided out West, where three teams have clinched a playoff spot.  And as a fan of West Division football, I don’t exactly set a TV reminder for a Montreal-Ottawa matchup on Friday.  That said, the Argos and TiCats have been involved in a few exciting contests this season, and should they both make it past the Als in the Least Division playoff race, we could be in for an exciting Leastern Final.  I dunno guy, but I’m pretty sure that any team out east could take down Saskatchewan nowadays…

Preseason Predictions

Last Week’s Rankings

Rankings Archive

1. Calgary Stampeders (14-2) Last Week: 1.  Right now, the only race the Stamps are running is to see if they can match the ’89 Eskies’ all-time mark of 16-2.  (FWIW, Calgary went 15-3 three straight years during the Flutie era.)  And while they otherwise didn’t really need a win over Saskatchewan, their 25 unanswered fourth-quarter points showed that they aren’t taking too many plays off–especially on defence.  While I might expect them to limit a few more of their starters in the last couple weeks (Jon Cornish didn’t play a single snap last weekend), I can’t see this team losing another game when it counts: in the CFL playoffs!

2. Edmonton Eskimos (11-5) Last Week: 2.  Edmonton had the luxury of resting all its starters last week–the Esks had a bye.  But I think it’s safe to say they’re still the second-best team in the CFL.  They’ve already clinched second place in the West, and remain the only team that could give Calgary a run for its money IMO.

3. Montreal Alouettes (8-8) Last Week: 4.  After five straight wins, I think it’s time to move Montreal up a notch.  Granted, win number five came over the REDBLACKS!!!, but if there had ever been a must-win game for Ottawa, it would’ve been last week.  Although he’s no Bo Levi Mitchell, Jonathan Crompton has really breathed new life into the Als–he’s 7-1 as a starter.  I still think the CFL Least is a total crapshoot, but if the Leastern Final is at the Big O, then I’m betting on Montreal.

4. B.C. Lions (9-7) Last Week: 3.  While they haven’t quite wrapped up a playoff spot just yet, I think the Lions are the safe bet to finish third in the West, especially considering their competition.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think they’d make it past Edmonton, much less Calgary, but if somehow this team were to end up with that crossover spot…you might be looking at the Least Division champions.

5. Toronto Argonauts (7-9) Last Week: 7.  If the Argos do end up claiming one of the two playoff spots up for grabs in the Least, their wins against Hamilton could end up as the deciding factor.  After losing 13-12 in a Labour Day Classic that was anything but, Toronto has squeaked out two tight wins over the TiCats, including last week’s 26-24 thriller.  Unfortunately, they’re still not gonna have much of a homefield advantage for the playoffs, if they do get in–even with their QEW rivals in town, the Boatmen couldn’t get 20,000 fans in the stands last Saturday.

6. Hamilton Tiger-Cats (7-9) Last Week: 5.  For a while they were the least-worst team in the Least Division…but now, the Tabbies find themselves running third in what is still very much a three-horse race for two playoff spots.  If they don’t get in, you can point to their piss-poor road record, which currently sits at 1-7.  But they do have a pretty decent chance at getting that second road win when they travel to the nation’s capital on Halloween night.

7. Saskatchewan Roughriders (9-8) Last Week: 6.  What happens when you rely on a 41-year-old starting quarterback who hadn’t played a snap of football until Week 17?  Your team runs outta gas in the fourth quarter.  And there’s no question that two of Kerry Joseph’s three picks keyed the Stamps comeback last week.  The Riders might still be able to hang with Toronto or Hamilton in the postseason, but only if those squads don’t play a full 60 minutes.

8. Loseapeg Blue Bombers (6-11) Last Week: 8.  Another week, another loss for the Bombers, who have now gone two full months without winning a football game.  I mean, this team even lost to the REDBLACKS!!!!–the REDBLACKS!!!!  With their latest loss eliminating Loseapeg from playoff contention, I guess it’s a good thing that fans can focus on the Jets now.

9. Ottawa REDBLACKS!!!!! (2-14) Last Week: 9.  Y’know, I’d kinda feel bad about trash-talking Ottawa after all that shit that went down in the nation’s capital…so instead, here’s a picture of Henry Burris wearing a bra:

(Wait, I’ve used that one before, haven’t I!?)

Episode 139 of Gruesome Tunes now available for download!



10/19/14 PLAYLIST

White Hills – Passage (Glitter Glamour Atrocity) 2:44

Lost Breed – Going Strong (Save Yourself) 3:22

Black Cobra – Avalanche (Invernal) 4:35

Kylesa – Bottom Line II (From the Vaults Vol. I) 2:33

A Storm of Light – Missing (As the Valley of Death Becomes Us Our Silver Memories Fade) 6:22

Ichabod – 108 (Dreamscapes from Dead Space) 8:48


Suplecs – In Your Shadow (Mad Oak Redoux) 4:03

Weedeater – Homecoming (Jason…the Dragon) 4:34

Palm Desert – The Tempter (Falls of the Wastelands) 4:40

Inter Arma – The Long Road Home [Iron Gate] (Sky Burial) 3:41

End of Level Boss – Mouth of Hats (Eklectric) 5:41

Dwellers – Son of Raven (Pagan Fruit) 3:58

Leaf Hound – Stray (Growers of Mushroom) 3:53


Fossils – Flesh Pillar (Flesh Hammer) 1:47

Red Fang – Failure (Whales and Leeches) 5:05

Serpentine Path – Crotalus Horridus Horridus (self-titled) 6:27

Gideon Smith & the Dixie Damned – Come and Howl (30 Weight) 4:28

Obelyskkh – The Ravens (Hymn to Pan) 8:25

Diesto – Edge of the World (For Water or Blood) 6:35


Beastwars – Lake of Fire (self-titled) 4:09

Argus – Beyond the Martyrs (Beyond the Martyrs) 5:12

Stone Axe – Taking Me Home (self-titled) 3:26

Postures – Falling Into Place (self-titled) 6:07

Sin Dealer – New World Order (Sell Your Soul) 3:10

Unsane – Rat (Wreck) 4:09

Hawkwind – It’s All Lies (Space Hawks) 5:47