This just in: You CAN buy Old Style Pilsner in Ontario!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

One of the most-read posts on this blog is an ode to Old Style Pilsner I composed some 14 months ago.  Granted, it’s not in the top 10 or top 20–but rather near the bottom of the top 40.  Even still, some 265 people (and counting) have come to this site trying to find out where to buy Old Style Pilsner in Ontario.  And until very recently, the answer was nowhere.

But that all changed sometime earlier this month.  Though I can’t find an announcement anywhere, The Beer Store now lists Pil amongst its products, with 15 cans currently on sale for 21 bucks.  They also sell bottles, albeit only in 24s.  You do not wanna drink 24 of those beers, though, trust me!

Now, I’m not sure whether demand was driven by a recent influx of Saskies to The Centre of the Known Universe, or perhaps a resurgence in popularity of the Canadian cult classic FUBAR and its sequel, FUBAR II.  Hey, maybe all those hits on my blog had something to do with it.  In any case, I’ll no longer hafta drink the bitter Czech semi-doppleganger whenever the Riders penetrate the Stampeder defence this summer–though it seems I’ll need to schlep down to Gerard and Seaton to get it. :(

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COMMENT OF THE DAY: What if Kim Jong-Un drank Gandhi’s blood?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

From:  http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/21/world/europe/uk-gandhi-auction/index.html

It’s a pacifist blowout at Sotheby’s, where a wide variety of Mahatma Gandhi merchandise is going up for auction.  As per CNN, items include “A pair of shabby leather sandals once worn by Gandhi” as well as “A glass microscope slide with a trace of … Gandhi’s blood.”  Frankly, I don’t see how any non-vampire would wanna buy a dead man’s blood, unless…

cotd521

I dunno guy, but I don’t think a trace of Gandhi’s blood would be enough to turn Kim into a pacifist.  But hey, at least he would have one drop of peaceful blood in his body.

Yunel Escobar sez… ¡Estoy seguro!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

He doesn’t even play for the Jays anymore, but all it takes is a roadtrip to Toronto for shortstop Yunel “Pendejo” Escobar to create more controversy—and this time, all he had on his eye-black was TB.  Erm, that’s TB as in Tampa Bay, not a slight against tuberculosis sufferers…

In any case, the homophobic Cuban infielder set off sparks with his home-run celebration yesterday.  No, he did not mimic performing fellatio on a teammate, nor did he shove a baseball bat up his buttcrack—he simply wanted to make clear that he didn’t miss touching any bags while rounding the bases:

Rays manager Joe Maddon told the Toronto Star “he would talk to Escobar and ‘I’m certain you’re not going to see happen again.’”  Meanwhile, Escobar, through interpreter/teammate Joel Peralta, told the assembled media “It’s something I do every time I cross home plate.”  While not entirely true, it’s safe to say that if it wasn’t Yunel “Come la mierda” Escobar making that move, nobody in Toronto would give a shit. ;)

Russia shunned by neighbour in Eurovision contest; bombs over Azerbaijan?

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Something tells me that the next European conflict will be blamed on the Eurovision contest.  A multinational American Idol, pitting pop-singers from across the continent against each other in a made-for-TV drama, this year’s edition saw a minor upset as the Azerbaijani contestant, Farid Mammadov, came in second.  Russia’s Dina Garipova, meanwhile, finished fifth—and Der Kommissar’s none too pleased.

As Reuters reports, “Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov said on Tuesday that 10 points were ‘stolen’ from Russia’s contestant in the weekend final of the annual musical extravaganza, who received no points from Azerbaijan – a result Azeri officials said was an error.”  No word as to whether the Azeri admission came before or after ex-KGB strongman Putin paid them a visit.  In any case, Reuters notes that “Azerbaijan’s ambassador to Russia said President Ilham Aliyev had ordered authorities to find out what happened and suggested the votes had been lost during a tally in Germany.”  Oh sure, blame it on the Germans…

Suffice to say, this singing spectacle is serious business.  Foreign Minister Lavrov also reportedly said the nations agreed to “coordinate joint efforts to make sure this outrageous action does not go unanswered.”  There will be blood!  Just hopefully not on the streets of Moscow.  As one Twitter user pointed out (translated by Reuters), “Half the country’s in poverty and we’re talking about stolen votes. #lolwut”

Then again, had Garipova received those 10 additional points, her neighbourhood might have been allocated enough bread for a week, so y’know, this was a pretty impactful performance. ;)

FRENCH WORD OF THE DAY: Délateur

Posted by gruesomegreg on

Délateur: Someone who denounces his colleagues/collaborators, often for personal gain, ie informant, narc, snitch, etc.

As seen in: « Ce délateur, ancien ingénieur chez Tecsult devenu Aecom, a collaboré avec l’Unité permanente anticorruption (UPAC) pour mener à bien l’opération Honorer le 9 mai dernier. »

(Translation: “This informant, a former engineer with Tecsult, now known as Aecom, collaborated with the Permanent Anti-Corruption Unit (UPAC) to complete Operation Honorer by May 9th.”)

http://www.courrierlaval.com/Actualit%C3%A9s/2013-05-21/article-3252874/Roger-Desbois-le-prochain-temoinE-Jour-3-commission-Charbonneau-a-Laval/1

Episode 73 of Gruesome Tunes now available for download!

Posted by gruesomegreg on

gruesometunesnew

CLICK HERE.

05/19/13 PLAYLIST

Anciients – For Lisa (Heart of Oak) 7:18

General Lee – Overwhelming Truth (Raiders of the Evil Eye) 3:22

Discharge – Never Again (War is Hell) 2:04

Megaton Leviathan – Repeating Patterns of Love (self-titled EP) 4:21

Orange Goblin – They Come Back (A Eulogy for the Fans) 5:40

Kylesa – Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun (From the Vaults Vol. 1) 6:59

 

Wight – Let Me Know When You Found God (Wight Weedy Wight) 10:51

Orange Goblin – The Fog (A Eulogy for the Damned) 6:46

Thinning the Herd – Rabbits (Freedom from the Known) 5:08

Satan – Incantations (Life Sentence) 5:22

 

Corrosion of Conformity – Rat City (self-titled) 2:26

Kylesa – Between Silence and Sound II (From the Vaults Vol. 1) 4:45

The Lone Crows – Lone Crow (self-titled) 3:31

The Linus Pauling Quartet – Rust (Bag of Hammers) 5:19

Red Giant – Let There Be Rock (Dysfunctional Majesty) 6:01

Red Fang – Into the Eye (Murder the Mountains) 3:59

Orange Goblin – Acid Trial (A Eulogy for the Fans) 4:15

 

Corrosion of Conformity – Strong Medicine Too Late (Megalodon EP) 4:08

Uzala – Ice Castle (self-titled) 5:22

Mountain Goat – Ghost (self-titled) 4:42

Yellowtooth – Decaying from Within (Disgust) 4:42

Black Tusk – Crossroads and Thunder (Set the Dial) 4:21

Dukatalon – Mekonenet (Saved by Fear) 4:32

I’m feeling the first-hand effects of the elevator maintenance workers’ strike…

Posted by gruesomegreg on

When I first saw the striking elevator workers on Bay Street, I paid them no mind.  Hey, who’s gonna miss those guys?  It’s not as if they’re an essential service, like the LCBO…  But that, of course, was before the elevator in my new apartment stopped working.

Well, it’s not that the lift is entirely out of service; you just can’t push any of the buttons on the ground floor.  As a third-floor dweller, this wouldn’t be such a big deal, except that the designers of my building, in all their wisdom, decided that the stairs should lead directly outside, not to the lobby.  Which is great when I’m running almost-not-on-time for work–but not so much when I need to use the refuse room.

Of course, the biggest issue is going up.  I can’t open the doors to the stairwell from the outside, so I need to rely on the elevator for those mere two flights.  In their foresight, the property manager has come up with a novel solution to this dilemma: elevator attendants.  Sure, they may be dressed in security-guard uniforms, not seersucker suits, but at least they ensure that I won’t be spending the night in the lobby when I stumble in at 2 am, like I did on Saturday.

The funny thing is that when I lived in my old apartment, I’d always glare at anyone who took the elevator up to the third floor, unless they were visibly disabled or carrying a large package.  These days, I don’t really have a choice.  But it would still be nice if someone could come and fix the buttons so I don’t hafta be scrutinized by security every time I say “Three, please.”